Stepmom Central
So SD12 is choosing courses for next year. DH is "guiding" her we'll say towards courses that are tougher and will benefit her vs fluff "fun" courses. Puts high value on strong education. She's mad he just doesn't pat her little head and say "do whatever makes you happy kiddo". They had a little fight yesterday about it. I tried smoothing things over and explaining to her that his job was not to just tell her what she wants to hear, to go to he friends for that bit to push her and to tell her what she needs to hear even I she doesn't like it. That's what a good parent does, he's her dad, not her friend. And he's a very good dad in fact. She goes on and tells me "you just don't understand my generation!". Ok so here's where I failed, I couldn't help but chuckle. Oh and she got pissed. Of course I had to explain I threw that line at my parents, them at theirs and one day she too woul chuckle and remember this moment when her daughter as a preteen/teen used it on her...se was less that impressed.
Then on to SS9. He's struggling in two subjects because he's too busy acting up in class to learn...we have him in therapy right now dealing with some issues. But of course he's hearing about this from his dad. So he asks me on the ride to school this morning "why do we have to always talk about this stuff? I don't want to!" Uh? Really buddy, then make better choices to behave in class, learn and you won't hear a word! He really thinks he's going to whine his way out of not hearing it from his dad about a 4th grader not pulling the grades and misbehaving in class...oh boy...
I think I need a stiff drink...or something stronger...I don't know whether to laugh or scream...right now just shaking me head at these two...
For the mom's out there...as kids reach their preteen an teen years does it seem as they actually regress in the common sense department? I swear the older two are acting dumber than their 5 year old little brother...
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That would be a big yes. They do regress. It seems that (in my case at least) I can 't let him. SS15 is becoming more and more like a whinning 3 yo. It drives me crazy. I almost have to stop him and tell him that he knows what he is doing is wrong and unacceptable. Eventually we are able to get on the same page. It is just getting there that is the hard part. Good luck. We are here when you need us.
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How long have you been their step mom?
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Since 2009
Quoting PxbGirl:
How long have you been their step mom?
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Yes they do regress!! My SD13 & SS14 seem to really lack common sense some days!! lol But for the most part are good. I think its a normal preteen/teen thing to want to try and just do the easy things. Your DH is doing a great job though, being a true parent!
Enjoy that drink :) You will make it through!
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YES!!! I have 4 stepkids (14, 13, and 10 yr old twins). It gets worse. Imagine the little battle you described in your post and double it. That's what goes on everyday in my house lol. All 4 have very strong personalities too, so it gets interesting. The other day, DH let all 4 loose on each other and they vented quite loudly to each other. Lasted about 10 minutes and we're good to go another 2 months before the next one. -
teens, aren't they fun. when I was helping my younger son pick his high school classes, if I really wanted him to take something, I would have a shocked reaction that they had a certain class. Me 'wow, they have drafting!!!'. 3 years later and the drafting classes are his favorite and he is doing outstanding in them.
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Yes they do!
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DH's girls are really good kids. But I am with everyone else who says that they kind of lose their minds for a bit in the tween/early teen years. It's like they're in a fog. I don't know if it's hormones, growing like weeds zapping all of the energy that could be used for brain function, or a concerted effort to test our patience, but SD15 is coming out of it and SD13 is deep in the throes. It's almost comical at times.
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Yes, they regress. And you will too. ODD totally knew how to push my buttons. And for a brief period, I regressed to teen behavior and let her get to me. Then I remembered that I was the adult.
teens can be challenging. Get a book. Even if it doesn't help, at least you will know you are not alone.
oh, and never remind them in the heat of the moment that you were a teen also and can relate. They are sooooooooooo different and soooooooooo unique you couldn't possibly understand!
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Your last line nearly made me snort my soda...that is totally how my SD reacted...rolled her eyes and oh how I "did not understand" I was of course "never a preteen like her generation." Oh it just got worse for me and really went downhill from there. I really struggled taking her seriously, it was just so cute! But I bluffed, I hope well enough, probably not, as tired as I was after work...oh how the next years are going to be entertaining...
Quoting pdxmum:
Yes, they regress. And you will too. ODD totally knew how to push my buttons. And for a brief period, I regressed to teen behavior and let her get to me. Then I remembered that I was the adult.
teens can be challenging. Get a book. Even if it doesn't help, at least you will know you are not alone.
oh, and never remind them in the heat of the moment that you were a teen also and can relate. They are sooooooooooo different and soooooooooo unique you couldn't possibly understand!