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Updated... DH over night at BM house
February 7, 2013 at 2:13 AM
So my DH calls me today to say he is going over to the skids house to hang out because his ex has to work and the 10 yo sd is sick. He says he's going to be there late and then tells me how early he has to be up for work. I didn't put 2 and 2 together but at this hour I am assuming he was trying to tell me he was spending the night. I'm not ok with this! His ex is home around now and it's only a 1/2 hour a away. Talk me down please! I'm tempted to tell humid this happens again I'm out!

UPDATE.... He came home last night, turned out she didn't get home until 11:45. His phone was dead and he didn't get my text even when he plugged it in when he was getting into bed.

Just want to say thank you to everyone for the advice and reassurance that I'm not being over the top. Have a great day!!


  • Miss-tearious
    February 7, 2013 at 7:38 AM
    Idk, I would say even the appearance of him staying at her house overnight is wrong. He could always sleep in his car. Yes, a pain, but it is absolutely not ok for a man to "crash" at his ex wife's house.

    Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

    Do you have reason to suspect anything between him and BM?  Was their split mutual or on good terms?  Is she a good person now?

    Yes, talk to him when you see him.  Try not to accuse or anything.  Just let him know how awful it made you feel and that you are NOT OK with overnight stays.  Then keep communication open.  Hear him out.  If his child was sick and he and BM were both tired and stressed, it might have been safer for him to crash on the couch than to drive.  He might have made a judgement call and in the moment you both failed to understand one another.

  • TJandKarasMom
    February 7, 2013 at 7:46 AM
    I would not be ok with it. I hope you got some answers.

    Did he end up answering the phone or calling you back? He didn't flat out tell you he was staying the night, just kind of expected you to get that from what he told you? Have you even worried about him and BM before?
  • LoveonHollySt
    February 7, 2013 at 8:07 AM

    I don't care for the whole situation.  There is no reason for him to be at the BM home after dark.  If the child was "sick" the child should have been brought to your house.  The mere fact that he was eluding to staying the night is repulsive and then his phone is off to boot.  I dont think so.  I am a hot head anyway so please take what I say with a grain of salt but I would have gone over there saying "Is he here?  His phone is off and that is not like him.  I just wanted to make sure that he was ok.  Alot can happen in 30min."  Get him out of the house and tell him my opinion of the situation.  Get back in my car and leave.

  • tiredmama42
    February 7, 2013 at 8:09 AM

    I dont think there at this point  he could come up with to justify his actions.  Sounds sneaky to me.

  • SamsMomSays
    February 7, 2013 at 8:12 AM
    It's not ok. Did you post this at 2:00 am? If my DH was at another woman's house at 2:00 am, shut off his phone, I'd most likely be calling an attorney in the morning.
    And I am NOT one of those "leave him, divorce him" types that are on here. I believe in marriage and vows, but that would definitely be a hard line for me.
  • jcampbell288
    February 7, 2013 at 8:14 AM

    That would mean divorce in my world! ... sorry

  • AmericanDream
    February 7, 2013 at 8:14 AM

     I'd be livid.

    Sounds like it's time for you and DH to sit down and have a real heart to heart about what is and what is not acceptable. 

    Normally, in sitch's where SM's are all "I don't want DH to be around/communicate with... etc." my advice is that if you cannot trust your DH that's the big issue but in this case... there is no reason a man in a relationship should ever be spending the night at another single woman's house.  Period. 

    And turning his phone off?  That's a deal breaker for me.

  • macbudsmom
    February 7, 2013 at 8:16 AM

    Maybe dd is really sick and he just wants to be there for her?

  • JustaSM231
    February 7, 2013 at 8:18 AM

    I am so sorry! That's horrible! I wish I could talk you down but my German and Irish blood is boiling for you right now.  I definitely would be quite pissed.  Actually, I can guarantee you that if this happened in my situation, I would have gone out and changed the locks and had his shit packed and on the front porch.  It feels like a complete betrayal to me.  And I'm sorry but at 10 years old, I stayed home twice sick alone while both my parents worked. Once was the flu, the second was a horrible case of chicken pox.  I agree iwth LoveonHollySt, I would drive over there and see if he was actually there, give him an earful, and go back home.  But I would still change the locks and put his shit out.  There is no reason your DH couldn't have brought this sick child to your home to take care of.  And turning off his cell phone is completely unacceptable.  So sorry!!!

  • Dana333810
    February 7, 2013 at 8:18 AM

     I would be spitting fire out my ASS if I were you.

    While I could understand him going over there to visit for an hour or two in the evening, I could not understand him staying all night. There is NO sense in that what so ever. If he wants to 'play house' with BM and his kids - he needs to let you go first. There is no sense in that what so ever. Best believe if that were my husband - he'd have a ball bat upside his head when he walked back through my door!

    Very disrespectful. Please keep us updated on this crock of fuckin' bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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