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leegirl_jm
Which SM are you?
February 2, 2013 at 10:20 AM


Which best describes your role as stepmother? or your child (ren)'s stepmother? http://missourifamilies.org/features/divorcearticles/divorcefeature52.htm
  • Only group members can vote in this poll.
  1. 61% - Almost a mom. When a child thinks of the stepmother as mom-like, but loyalty remains with the biological mother.
  2. 11% - A good friend. A close relationship may develop over the years.
  3. 6% - Mediator. The stepmother’s intervention can benefit the father/child relationship.
  4. 14% - Civil and polite. When the stepmother/child relationship is not close, but not awful either.
  5. 2% - Interloper. When the stepmother is viewed as “in the way” of a relationship between the child and the father. The child feels jealous and the relationship does not improve over time.
  6. 3% - Wicked stepmother. Children tolerate their stepmother, but avoid her as often as possible.

Replies

  • KnowItAll
    February 2, 2013 at 10:40 AM
    I voted almost mom to describe the relationship between my daughters and their SM since I am not a SM.
  • leegirl_jm
    February 2, 2013 at 10:43 AM

    Wow, this surpises me, since you are CP and a very involved mother.

    Quoting KnowItAll:

    I voted almost mom to describe the relationship between my daughters and their SM since I am not a SM.


  • MommySabs
    February 2, 2013 at 10:44 AM
    I didnt vote bc I think at different times I am any one of the first three for dss. I allow him to guide our relationship and try to be who he needs. I fall somewhere in a mixture of those.
  • sassy711
    February 2, 2013 at 10:46 AM

    It depends on who's point of view.  From the point of view of my oldest SD I'm the interloper/evil stepmother.  From SS's point of view: good friend/mediator.  From youngest SD, mediator/civil and polite.  From their BM's point of view: evil SM.  From DH's point of view: a good mom role model.  From my kids point of view (all 5 kids lived in our home) I was good to the skids.  From my point of view?  I tried, but sometimes you just can't "win" against the alienation process the BM starts.  The only hope is that as kids get older they begin to put 2 and 2 together.  Sometimes that happens, sometimes it doesn't.

    I did my best, my DH and my kids know this, so does SS.  That's all that's important.

    For my kids, they view their SM as mediator/civil and polite, with friendliness.  Most of the issues they have with her are really rooted in the attitude and behavior of their dad.  I don't think it's a "bad" relationship with her, I think the changes are due to my kids getting older and understanding alot more now than 10-12 year ago. 

  • Amy1973Potts
    February 2, 2013 at 10:50 AM
    I voted #1, but oscillate between that and #4, if that makes sense. I am very sensitive to their moods and how into mommy they are at the time, or how into me they are. And I adjust to what they need accordingly. Sometimes i don't see them at all due to my work schedule. They don't seem to suffer. They do ask about me though. But they are there for their father, not me.
  • KnowItAll
    February 2, 2013 at 10:54 AM

    SM has been in the lives of my daughters since they were born.  She has been their official SM for 9 years.  They were very small when she became their SM and they love her very much and view her as their 2nd mother -- I have heard them say this.   So based on the wording in your poll, it was the only one I could choose.  :)

    *I* don't necessarily view her as a 2nd mother.  She's NCSM and doesn't function in the role of a parent MOST of the time....but I still view her as parental (instead of motherly), if that makes any sense. 

    Quoting leegirl_jm:

    Wow, this surpises me, since you are CP and a very involved mother.

    Quoting KnowItAll:

    I voted almost mom to describe the relationship between my daughters and their SM since I am not a SM.



  • QueenBof6
    February 2, 2013 at 11:00 AM
    It depends

    To my SD I am almost a mom, good friend and mediator.

    To my SS I am the bottom 3. And sometimes the mediator.

    This is how they view me. My SD and I are very close. We have a great bond. She appreciates my presence. Respects my place in the home and family. My SS however dislikes me very much. He has no respect for me and looks at me woth deep hate in his eyes sometimes. They have the same mother. Sd is 11 and SS is 8. I have my theories on why he feels this way about me.
  • Lorena
    by Lorena
    February 2, 2013 at 11:00 AM
    I didn't vote because I am mom like but their loyalty is not with bm. They have a lot of anger and resentment towards her. We are working on that in counseling.
  • kmur
    by kmur
    February 2, 2013 at 11:16 AM

    i wsh we could vote 2x but, i voted for ss13 the interloper and if i could vote again for sd8 id vote the 2nd one :)

  • leegirl_jm
    February 2, 2013 at 11:34 AM

    I have known SS11 since he was 2 years old, it is civil and polite, sometimes like a peer, he thinks I am younger than I am, because his mother thinks I am pretty young.

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