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daddysgf
A SM friend just posted this question on FB
January 27, 2013 at 9:35 PM
She has two young kids and a 12 year old SS..
She asked:
If your almost 13 year old had a cell phone or ipod, should you as a parent know the passcode.

I said yes.

Replies

  • Bella14308
    January 27, 2013 at 10:45 PM
    And yes if the child puts a passcode on the device the parents should have it.
  • PROGENITOR
    January 27, 2013 at 11:09 PM

    Not knowing details about your situation I can't really make a judgement. In general, if a child has two parents who both have joint legal custody, who are both involved, then they should both have access. One parent shouldn't control that, it sends the message to the child that their other parent is inferior. Now, if that is the message one wants to send to their children about the OP then that is their choice. That attitude may reflect a portion the original relationship dysfunction, which lead to its failure.

    Quoting Bella14308:

    I told my oldest dd that her father and stepmother do not need to know her password for facebook. i set it up. i control her friends etc on it. i am the only perdon who needs her password.

    Quoting PROGENITOR:

    His dad should know the password. SM doesn't need to know, but dad does. When SS first got a FB he said that his mom said only she could have the password. I think maybe, sometimes.....at least I hope this is what happens, the CP will say "Don't give out your password to anyone other than me" and it is percieved by the kid that literally, and they feel like they aren't allowed to tell the OP. But that doesn't mean that one parent came out and said you can't have your OP know, they just aren't considering the OP at all.


  • cjsmommie98
    January 28, 2013 at 1:01 AM

    i have my sons fb and all passcodes.His father has none of the passwords and does not need them.My exh does not even see my son so.....why does he need fb password and such.And i had my stepkids passwords to things my so does not remember anything so i check stuff.He barely remembers his own password lol..

  • Emeraldmama7
    January 28, 2013 at 1:13 AM

    I have no idea....  My first response is yes.  My kids don't have fb though....I *hopefully* have a few years before this.  I would give my ex any and all passcodes to our daughters' fb or other accounts.  I don't think that I have the right to have SK's passwords 100%.  BM allows SK's to do a lot more on their computers than I allow my older girls...so having their codes would probably do nothing for me in means of controlling what they do/say on the net.  I do think DH should have the right to the passcodes if he feels he needs them.  I think BM would keep a decent eye on SK's online though, so I don't really have any worries. 

  • laird6372
    January 28, 2013 at 10:13 AM

    Yup! We don't allow passcodes, and my SD's phone is checked regularly so we know who she is texting and calling.

  • WifeyC
    by WifeyC
    January 28, 2013 at 10:16 AM

    Yes, and DH and I have the right to randomly look through it if we want to.

  • luckystars2012
    January 28, 2013 at 11:47 AM
    Passcodes are good in case a device is lost or stolen. I have passcodes and tracking apps on all my devices.

    Eta- even.the most responsible.teen could have their.phone or iPod or whatever stolen. So its actually smarter to have one, as long as the parents know the.code.


    Quoting baparrot2:

     If you cant trust them enough to even have the device without a passcode...maybe they should have it yet.



  • MomGoingCrazy78
    January 28, 2013 at 11:52 AM

    Absolutely, no question about it!

  • pepper504
    January 28, 2013 at 11:56 AM

    DD15 has a passcode for her iPod and iPhone.  Her father and I both know the codes. 

  • Meg10
    by Meg10
    January 28, 2013 at 12:05 PM

     My skids BM had their passwords to everything and DH & I were blocked from their FB, etc. Now that the older SD lives with us DH has all her passwords. DH & BM did have all her passwords but BM went through SD's stuff and freaked out on her and then changed the password and wouldn't tell her. Also she was drunk emailing SD's friends. Oh and emailing SD's friends on FB pretending to be SD and asking a bunch of her guy friends if they had had sex etc to get information.


    Quoting PROGENITOR:

    Not knowing details about your situation I can't really make a judgement. In general, if a child has two parents who both have joint legal custody, who are both involved, then they should both have access. One parent shouldn't control that, it sends the message to the child that their other parent is inferior. Now, if that is the message one wants to send to their children about the OP then that is their choice. That attitude may reflect a portion the original relationship dysfunction, which lead to its failure.

    Quoting Bella14308:

    I told my oldest dd that her father and stepmother do not need to know her password for facebook. i set it up. i control her friends etc on it. i am the only perdon who needs her password.

    Quoting PROGENITOR:

    His dad should know the password. SM doesn't need to know, but dad does. When SS first got a FB he said that his mom said only she could have the password. I think maybe, sometimes.....at least I hope this is what happens, the CP will say "Don't give out your password to anyone other than me" and it is percieved by the kid that literally, and they feel like they aren't allowed to tell the OP. But that doesn't mean that one parent came out and said you can't have your OP know, they just aren't considering the OP at all.



     

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