Stepmom Central

Why Does Common Sense Need to Be Court Ordered?
December 27, 2012 at 5:54 PM

Pretend that both parents are involved and there is joint custody in some form (not necessarily 50/50, but joint legal and both have some custody of some sort).

Why do common sense things, as according to internet boards, need to be CO'd?  Kid is in the ER... don't ned to inform the OP unless it in the order.  Really?  You need a CO to tell you that both parents should be aware that their child is in the ER?

ROFR.. why does it need to be ordered that parents should get time with their kid over a nonparent when a parent is available and wants to spend time with their child?  

Phone Contact -a parent needs a CO to allow them to talk to their children when, if the parents were together, the parents would be talking to their kid everyday?

Physical discipline, not calling nonparents by parental titles, haircuts, showing up to parental things (conferences for one), medical appointments... there have been parents who have successfuly gotten things like this (and other similar things) because one parent (and maybe their spouse) think it doesn't matter what the only other parent things where their own kids are concerned... 

Why not just use common sense and stop acting like a court order is the answer to everything?

On the flip side, so what if the CO doesn't prohibit certain things from being done by the nonparent, the order doesn't say you can either so why act as if the CO not mentioning you means you can do what you like?  (This includes the parents who assume the absence of the SP in the CO means they are free to do certain things that they know can cause problems)


  • faerie75
    December 27, 2012 at 6:16 PM

     common sense isnt even really common lol....

    different families work differently. in our case, BM has taken skids to ER for non emergencies, we didnt know until we got the bill, and rofr is a laugh because she leaves them with us whenever she can. we just take the high road.

     i as dads partner let them handle their business regarding ALL things skid and dont try to take moms place or do moms duty.

  • rebeccasmly
    December 27, 2012 at 6:34 PM

    In the situation you describe, I absolutely agree. In an ideal blended family situation, both BPs would handle things like mature adults and look for the child's best interest and not have a judge tell them what is best.  Unfortunately in many cases one or both of the parents do not place the child first.

  • SassyMom25
    December 27, 2012 at 6:41 PM
    I think if more people had common sense when they needed it, they wouldn't have been with their ex or ended up having kids with them (accidents and extreme cases aside).

    Otherwise, if people had the common sense to find someone they can get along with, they would still be married in a lot of cases.

    SS was in a car accident back in 2009. No one notified BM. Why?

    1. She was in prison.
    2. DH broke his neck.
    3. I was not going to go through the channels to notify her.

    The other things haven't applied for various reasons...we are LD, BM isn't involved in school or ECs. After DH got rid of his cell phone, those issues went away...BM speaks to SS whenever she wants.
  • pdxmum
    by pdxmum
    December 27, 2012 at 6:42 PM

    Cmmomsense is often in short supply during a divorce.  I have a two page addendum in my divorce decree setting out rules of common courtesy and decent behavior.  It was ludicrous and if it wasn't so desperately needed, it would be laughable.

    we worked through it though. It took a few years, but I probably haven't had to go to the addendum for 4 years, at least.  I think these frameworks are necessary in high conflict divorces, but you hope they become irrelevant as the emotions die down.

    commom courtesies such as a call when a child goes to ER, or recognizing that parental time is more important than SP time, or allowing phone calls should just be a given.  But c'mon packer, read these forums for an hour and you can see how critical it is that they are mandated...

  • jessiesluv
    December 27, 2012 at 7:10 PM
    Because not all situations are the same. Children need to be protected when parents cant get along even for the sake of their own child.
    Why do you have a court order?
  • Steamedpuddle30
    December 27, 2012 at 7:10 PM
    I wish things were as easy as common sense. Me and my Dh are pretty much on the same page for parenting even though we have totally opposite parenting styles,together it just works.

    BUT... If he were to dump me I would dislikethe way he parents. He'd probably feel the same. So things aren't as easy as "if they were together" bc they are not.

    I think everything just gets harder so some need a "middle man" to work things out.

    I do think parents need more common sense though. It's super hard to parent when one parent doesn't do that or do what's best for the kids.
  • soonergirl980
    December 27, 2012 at 7:11 PM

    because most people don't have common sense

  • Momniscient
    December 27, 2012 at 7:13 PM
    They are needed to protect the good parent.
  • Steamedpuddle30
    December 27, 2012 at 7:16 PM
    I have a question and I think it might have to do with common sense. You wrote "Why not just use common sense and stop acting like a court order is the answer to everything".

    If This is true. Lets say your ex marries again. Lets say he changes and SM really is a good normal person. Doesn't butt in or anything. You'd probably still not trust her or like her right?? Why not? It's common sense to at least give her a chance. But I doubt that would happen. Given your past. It's not right but it is common sense no? Respectively speaking I just think common sense doesn't come into play bc if past occurrences sometimes.

    I think you would be trying to protect your kids from "what ifs". That's not wrong but it's not okay either. But it would be common sense to give common curtisey. Spell check.

    (Just using you as an example)(I'd be weary also and put a CO in there pretty fast about who was around my kids,ect).
  • Steamedpuddle30
    December 27, 2012 at 7:21 PM
    Because its hard to agree on things when it's a 2 home family. It's just too difficult sometimes.

    Common sense would be to call your ex if kid is in the ER though. I agree. The other stuff gets in the grey area. It's not black and white and now it's the way you parent/live/act vs. the way they parent/live/act.

    Before you were a team. Now you aren't. One person would have said no,kid isn't doing blank,it's dangerous/expensive/not needed (Eca) then you'd agree. Now you get to call the shots in your own home and that doesn't work when parents are spilt.

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