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tbabys
what next?? after marriage counseling session
by tbabys
December 3, 2012 at 1:31 PM
Dh and I went to our first marriage counseling session thus morning..i felt like things went pretty well considering all we are going through but still hard to hear and discuss certain things..... so when we leave he is super quiet and to himself. I texted him if he was ok(texted to allow him to process his houghts without having to answer me immediately). An hour or so later he responses saying it was unexpected and felt like i took away his right to say yes or no.. so i apologized for hurting him thinking it was something i said during. He progress to tell me he was taken back that i coerced him into going and forced therapy on him.. HELLO.. WHERE DID YOU THINK WE WERE GOING?? We discussed going. I asked out he was willing to go and he said due if it would help. I mentioned it when i made the appt.2 weeks ago and again last night. I even asked was he still willing to go with me. This morning i asked if he was getting ready or did he waneed me to go by myself.. he said he didn't have anything to put on but he would find something..i figured he was nervous. Now I'm wondering what i do and if this marriage will last if he isn't willing to go or if he continues to play the victim and I'm three bad guy...I LOVE HIM BUT AM CONFUSED

Replies

  • raerae725
    December 3, 2012 at 1:47 PM

    Maybe it didn't hit him how much you would be putting on the table when you went?  He might be slightly embarrassed?  That seems odd though that he didn't complain like that until after the fact.

  • tbabys
    by tbabys
    December 3, 2012 at 2:43 PM
    Exactly what i was thinking.. but we haven't even got to the serious things. I would have been fine if he would have said he was uncomfortable with what was said or that he didn't know that i feel the way i do or he didn't like it ok i can a accept that...but to say i coerced him into to going..i was like wtf?? So i am leaving him to his thoughts today and i will go about my business as usual. But we need to figure something out soon before it destroys us.. if not therapy then he needs to find another positive solution
  • Troubleswife
    December 3, 2012 at 5:30 PM
    What are the issues you are facing?
  • tbabys
    by tbabys
    December 3, 2012 at 9:07 PM
    Issues with:
    1) him calling texting and seeing his ex( cheating)
    A) her stalking
    B) threats
    2) we live with my mil and I'm not super comfortable here
    A) she needs constant care and his sister refuses to help even though she gets paid to do so
    B) she is extremely demanding.. no appreciation
    C) she talks bad about him dh to everyone
    d) disciplines the kids even if we were around
    e) told frequently its her house
    3) Our trust issues
    4) leaving the past in the past
  • sandeeyo
    December 3, 2012 at 9:25 PM

    Sounds to me like you are all concerned about his feelings, but he could give a shit about yours.


  • Troubleswife
    December 4, 2012 at 11:54 AM
    A person who cares about your feelings will do everything in their power to work on it. He doesn't sound like he has the ability to care. He sounds self absorbed. I think it's ultimatum time. Counseling or its time to separate. I base it primarily on trust and cheating. If he can't do after cheating then there is something really wrong.
  • Lorena
    by Lorena
    December 4, 2012 at 11:59 AM
    Sounds like alot of your issues are with your mil. Maybe if you two moved it would get better.

    Quoting tbabys:

    Issues with:

    1) him calling texting and seeing his ex( cheating)

    A) her stalking

    B) threats

    2) we live with my mil and I'm not super comfortable here

    A) she needs constant care and his sister refuses to help even though she gets paid to do so

    B) she is extremely demanding.. no appreciation

    C) she talks bad about him dh to everyone

    d) disciplines the kids even if we were around

    e) told frequently its her house

    3) Our trust issues

    4) leaving the past in the past

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