Stepmom Central
DH and I are more lax in some areas than BM, hair dye being one of them. DS almost 10 is currently sporting a 3-4" mohawk, the top half is bleached and he often spikes it with blue or red hair gel. We've told him if he can keep his grades up, keep a good attitude at home, and do his chores without hassle he can dye his mohawk red when report cards come home. They come home December 14th.
DD almost 6 wants a couple purple streaks, so we've told her the same thing about school and home and will put a couple purple streaks in her hair.
SD is 12, she wanted to know if she could have pink streaks. Over the summer we discussed hair dye with BM and she had said she was OK with some highlights that were just a few shades different than SD's hair, but she didn't want her to do anything too drastic. I'm thinking that kinda rules out pink streaks, LOL. DH has joint custody, however he is the CP and BM has chosen to take SD one weekend a month (she's supposed to have EOWE). DH is gonna email BM and see if he can talk her into it, but I don't have high hopes there.
I'd be pretty pissed if someone dyed my kid's hair without my permission, so I don't want to just dye SD's hair and tell BM to deal. But, I also don't want SD to be the only kid who doesn't get something she wants. I also don't want to say "Well, your mom said no, so take it up with her" or anything like that.
Anyways, if BM says no to the pink, SD is gonna be super bummed and she's gonna figure it out that it was BM who wouldn't let her. I also don't want to tell the other kids that they can't dye their hair if SD can't.
I can't figure out a good way to deal with this situation without it reflecting poorly on BM in some way. Advice, suggestions?
Replies
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If bm only sees her once a month then I don't see why she would care so much -
That is very thoughtful of you to protect BM from being the bad guy, but Im not sure how you can hide the truth from SD in this situation. Can you use temporary dye? Maybe BM will agree if it washes out in a month or so. -
Why does the truth have to be hidden? Why would it reflect poorly on BM? Tell the kid to compromise and to choose some more moderate highlights instead!
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Talk with bm. You can always get temporary. Or they have clip ins. Maybe everyone can agree it will be just over Christmas break? Good of you to consider bm's feelings on the matter. -
How about start with ONE streak...see how it goes...everyone is happy and bm can adjust to it
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i dont understand the whole no crazy color thing. none of them are permannant. they last 6 weeks at the most. my dd12 has had hot pink and is now sporting purple. they are kids and hair grows. i dont mind seeing kids with crazy colors but adults that is a whole other issue. have dh talk to bm and expalin they only last for a short time. i like the dye called raw its all natural and smells like bubblegum. we get it at hot topic. dd has several colors of it so we can change it . next is peacock blue.
honeslty the bleaching of the hair does more damage than the color
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Suggest all the afore-mentioned solutions to DH and then let him and BM decide.
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I agree. Be truthful, but age appropriate.
Quoting Pero1:
Why does the truth have to be hidden? Why would it reflect poorly on BM? Tell the kid to compromise and to choose some more moderate highlights instead!
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I would suggest clip ons!
sd11 has several clip ons with wild hair colors/feathers/beads attached-they look super pretty!
Or perhaps try temp hair dye
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BM not wanting her 12 year old to have pink streaks does not reflect badly on her in any way. She would like her child to be a child and look appropriate.
I think you are very lucky that BM has not made any comments that would 'reflect badly' on your choice to let your young children dye their hair.
Why not try those clip in colored hair strands as a compromise?