Stepmom Central

do you think bf is right? cs related.
November 25, 2012 at 3:21 AM
My dd1s bio dad emailed me a few minutes ago. Asked me if I called the child support office on him because hes 4 months almost 5 late on his child support. I told him I havent called child support since august(the first month I noticed I didnt get anything). And he told me I was being an asshole. His exact words were(copy and pasted) "kiana u n yo husband both wrk and my wife n i r goin thru somethin n i cnt afford $400 a month for one of my kids. I have three so i have to make it evenly. I no kenadi my oldest but u need to wrk wit me on this. Call child support n lower it for me." Lol I read that and started laughing because 1. He called me in july and asked me to cut him off cs and to just call him and ask for money anytime kenadi' needed something. And I told him no. 2. When he called in july I told him to go down to cs office and petition to lower it and he said he didnt feel like going down there(he stays in the state our cs case is in, I dont). 3. I told him if he scheduled the cs case date. That I would just ask the judge if he could just pay for her extra curriculers(sp) every month which is $76 for gymnastics, and $370 in march for cheer, plus $100 in august for her competition. So he would only be paying $76 a month til march, $370 in march then back down to $76 from april til august, then $100 in august, then back down to $76. He said NO because he doesnt want to be paying for her to do extra curriculors(sp) and his other kids arent in any. And last but not least 4. He only has 2 bio children. My dd and his other dd by his wife. He is choosing to support his wifes son. Just like my dh is choosing to support kenadi'. So my dh isnt looking for a way out of paying for kenadi'. Thats like dh saying kenadi' cant do extra curriculors(sp) if kaylah(dh and my dd) doesnt.

So my question is. Am I wrong here? What is your take on this situation?


  • Tigress22304
    November 25, 2012 at 9:18 PM

    Quoting luvmykids08_10:

    And that's what I tell him. But he's words are... "well my daughter was there before you got married. So once he decided to marry you he decided to take care of our daughter too." After that I just hang up and stop talking to him.

    Quoting Tigress22304:

    I'm going thru this now with DD8's sperm donor-I refuse to do his dirty work-I told him if he wanted to get the CS lowered-HE HAS TO CALL. (he lost his job/his wife left him/he became homeless)

    instead of dealing with it-he's just working under the table-letting CS rack up. (We're heading to court soon enough)

    You didn't do anything wrong. BF should suck it up-and accept the fact he's got 2 children to support.

    It's great your DH helps you with your child-but realistically-he doesn't have to.

    but just because you both moved on doesnt mean he's gotta give up on his daughter as well. I'm in the same boat-my ex thinks my DH needs to fully support DD8 just because i'm with him instead of my ex-but like the judge told my ex and I'm repeating to you

    :you decided to climb into bed with this woman-you created this child, not some other man, that's why it's up to YOU and her to co-support this child:

  • Tinkerbellmama
    November 25, 2012 at 10:32 PM

    He's not right. If his other kids can't do extra stuff, that's on him, not you. And if child support enforcement said that $400 a month is what he owes, then that's what he owes.

    I have NO tolerance for these stupid ass men who do this stupid shit. It sucks he's having a hard time right now. He can call his child support caseworker and get it lowered without many issues. DH had to do it a couple of times when he was laid off. The caseworker was awesome and worked with him on it and lowered child support until he was working again. As soon as he knew what he'd be making he called her up and a new order was put through. 

  • Charli627
    November 25, 2012 at 11:11 PM

    Quoting AustinsMama1226:

    He's not right. Everyone has hardships, it's life. He's needs to support all children, not just ones he wants
  • boysmom5
    November 26, 2012 at 7:48 PM
    I don't think you're wrong. Your only fault is that, like so many of us, you had a child with a dumba$$. Sorry sweetie.
  • AmyB118
    by AmyB118
    November 26, 2012 at 8:24 PM

    Oh Good Lord....Did we ALL sleep w/the same dumbass??? LOL.

    DD14's BF (whom she has no contact with) asked me one time (right outside the courtroom prior to our CS hearing for his non-payment) if I would go in and tell the judge I wanted to forgive all the arearrage so that he could "start fresh"....he was nearly $10,00.00 behind....I said "Uhhh...NO"....he proceeded to tell me all about how he knew all about her and her life and what she was doing for ECs, etc. (never mind he'd not seen her nor sent her as much as a card for her birthday or christmas her WHOLE LIFE) and when I asked him a) how old she was and b) what grade she was in, he stared at me blankly.

    My DH has raised her (and is adopting her - since BF was smart enough to finally sign he rights away when the arrears got too high (my plan since day one)...I've always told him that it's not his responsibility to take care of her and pay for her extras....why the exs allow someone else to raise their kids while they take on a NEW family is beyond me.  Here, in our state, the FIRST child gets the lion's share of the care since they were first in line. 

    And.....yep, you are correct....he needs to suck it up and take care of his child...ALL of them....and if he wants to have his CS reduced, he should file the appropriate paperwork - he's no longer your responsiblity - did he forget that? LOL

  • jamamama00
    November 26, 2012 at 8:28 PM

    Children still have expenses, no matter how much your ex is fucking up in life. I would advise you to steer clear of ever making agreements like the extracurriculars you mention. It's just opening the door for trouble when he can't pay. The state should set an amount based on his income, and that should be that!

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