Stepmom Central

Featured Posts
mommypowerx5
Some advise please
November 19, 2012 at 10:07 AM

Hi everyone ,


  Maybe someone can help me out. I have read some posts on here about filing contempt ..... So the problem is this... It is in the parenting plan that BM gets the kids Fri @ 4 until Sun @ 3 .... every weekend. Usually on Friday around noon or so BM shoots us a text and says i am working until 8 30 tonight so i would like to have the girls tomorrow morning , ok no problem. It has been this way for 2 months , BM only had the girls for 2 over nights for the month of October and so far only 2 for this month , This weekend she sent the text on Friday around noon but by 8 30 that night she had changed it from sat morning to Sunday @ 9 and give them back at bedtime. This has been very hard on the girls because we tell them they are going and then its no you arent and so on. So ther is no consistency and it is a guessing game every week wether or not they are going , it makes it very hard to plan any adult alone time , DH and I are fighting constantly , Honestly , I am just so angry all the time. So , if she isnt taking them like she is supposed to , is it contempt?? Is it a petty thing?? Oh , we didnt let her have them Sunday , and her texts were all about how the judge is going to take her side because she is begging us to let her see the girls and we wouldnt let her , and she has to work 60 hr weeks to pay her child support and she is going to tell the judge and blah blah. Just to clarify .... She wasnt at work , and she wasnt home my sd gets very persistant to see her mom so I put her in the car and drive her to her work to show her that her mom is at work and cant see her , but this Saturday her mom wasnt at work and I also do this so that sd can see that we arent keeping her from her mom ( she is only 5 ) . Any advise or thoughts would be helpful , sorry its so long Thank You

Replies

  • sandeeyo
    November 19, 2012 at 10:10 AM

    i'd leave it alone.  You aren't going to be able to "make" BM take her time with the kids.  My skids BM is the same way, except on a lesser level.  We figure that it's better that she not take all her time rather than her trying to keep the kids from us and taking up our time. KWIM?

  • sassy711
    November 19, 2012 at 11:15 AM

    Let DH handle everything, this may help your frustration with the situation.  Keep a copy of EVERY single e-mail or text she sends to either you or DH.  You may need them if she elects to go back to court. 

    As much as it rots that BM is changing the visitation times, you'd probably be better off  letting DH be the one to tell the kids when/if BM changes times.  This is a hard road for them, and it's gonna cause them some issues (if not yet, then eventually).  Good luck

  • mamaslove11
    November 19, 2012 at 11:40 AM

    I agree. I am in the same situation but a little better. My SS is 7, gonna be 8 in April. So he is a little bit more laid back when things get cancelled. Let DH handle it as much as possible. I get very frustrated but I tell myself if I am getting tis frustrated and he is just my SS how does my DH, his DADDY, feel?  I tried to keep a perpective on it. We document everything that is said in a Microsoft Word. Also. I have a Microsoft Calalnder that we keep track on which days he is with daddy, which days he is will mama, and even when he goes to church and with whom. That will help a lot if and when you go to court if you have a calander that shows that she is with you more times than not.


    If you have no way to save text message you can take a digital camera and take pictures of her text and your responses then save them. When it is time to go to court print them off and put them in order.


    I understand how frustrating it is and how angry it makes you just remember that if you are getting frustrated how do you think her daddy feels seeing his little girl hurt all the time. So just try to show some patience and understand and stand by you DH and support him anyway you can. In the mean time, document everything you can. Good Luck.

    Quoting sassy711:

    Let DH handle everything, this may help your frustration with the situation.  Keep a copy of EVERY single e-mail or text she sends to either you or DH.  You may need them if she elects to go back to court. 

    As much as it rots that BM is changing the visitation times, you'd probably be better off  letting DH be the one to tell the kids when/if BM changes times.  This is a hard road for them, and it's gonna cause them some issues (if not yet, then eventually).  Good luck


  • daddysgf
    November 19, 2012 at 11:44 AM

    That seems like a kinda.. jerkish move, I don't know. It bugs me when people get kids involved in adult matters.

    What happened when you took her thtere?

    Quoting mommypowerx5:

    She wasnt at work , and she wasnt home my sd gets very persistant to see her mom so I put her in the car and drive her to her work to show her that her mom is at work and cant see her , but this Saturday her mom wasnt at work and I also do this so that sd can see that we arent keeping her from her mom ( she is only 5 ) .


  • mommypowerx5
    November 19, 2012 at 11:26 PM

    She was a little disapointed that she wasnt ther but she hasnt brought up seeing her mom after that. But it does tick me off when BM says that she needs to work over time to pay her child support and realize that she isnt working at all , and then it makes me sad for the girls that she gave up her 1 day of the week to be with them

  • Tinkerbellmama
    November 19, 2012 at 11:38 PM

    BM has been taking SD one weekend a month. SD is 12, but developmentally about 8-9 due to a birth disorder that causes developmental delays. BM bought her a cell phone (not exactly something we were OK with, but there's nothing we can do about it now), so when SD asks about "hanging out" with BM (that's how BM refers to their visits) I tell SD that BM hasn't contact DH or I, but she can always text or call her mom about visists. That way it's on BM to figure out what to say to SD.

    Honestly, I'm sick of making excuses for BM. Whenever SD says anything or asks about BM I just tell her really nicely "Honey, I can't read your mom's mind. If you have a question about something you gotta ask her." I don't have to make excuses and BM has to deal with what she does.

    For YEARS I'd make excuses for BM's behavior with SD, "Oh honey, it's OK, everyone makes mistakes now and again and sometimes mommy's do it too. It doesn't mean anything bad, just that we're all human." Or, "Well honey, mommy is really busy working/going to school. I know she loves you very much." But, I'm not doing it anymore. If BM can't/won't step up for SD, then it's going to be on BM to explain herself.

  • Tinkerbellmama
    November 19, 2012 at 11:47 PM

    Oh, and about the contempt, technically yes, BM would be in contempt of court for not following the parenting plan, but that's not really how contempt works. What would the relief requested be?

    If anything, DH needs to document how often she flakes on visitation, and if it becomes a constant issue he can go to court and have her visits reduce to one weekend a month or whatever. 

  • packermomof2
    November 19, 2012 at 11:51 PM

    Advice? Stop being part of the problem.  Kids figure out how and who their parents are without their OP or their SP making a point to show them how big a screw up the parent is.  You put the kid in the middle.

  • whatIknownow
    November 20, 2012 at 7:39 AM

    Parenting time is optional for the NCP. I learned this after screaming for years about both NCPs in my sitch not taking their parenting time.

    The only thing you can do is document the pattern, then file a motion to reduce her parenting to match the schedule she's actually following. If CS is calculated on the basis of parenting time, you can file for a modification in CS based on the schedule she is actually following, without reducing the parenting time she is allowed to take (I did this with my Ex, it was immediately approved by the court).

    But as for being annoyed that she skips out and bails, leaving you to make other childcare arrangments - I totally get it - Been there myself many times. But you can't do anything about it.

    So focus instead on how lucky your DH is to be CP. Many, many NCPs would trade places with him in a heartbeat.

  • whatIknownow
    November 20, 2012 at 7:42 AM


    Quoting mommypowerx5:

    so I put her in the car and drive her to her work to show her that her mom is at work and cant see her , but this Saturday her mom wasnt at work and I also do this so that sd can see that we arent keeping her from her mom ( she is only 5 ) . Any advise or thoughts would be helpful , sorry its so long Thank You

    by the way, this was cruel. I sincerely urge you to think about what you did and why you did this.

    I understand how it feels to be accused of "keeping the kids from mom" when in fact the opposite is the case, I was in this exact same position. but what you did was dead wrong.

Stepmom Central

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts