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Steamedpuddle30
Bio-filters
November 19, 2012 at 8:25 AM
One thing I LOVE about This group is the different perspectives and tools you gain from reading posts and having an open mind.

Last week there was a post,sadly I don't think the poster listened even after 200+ replies but I think something good comes from everything(hopefully) and in this I came to realize how much we use our bio filters.

I feel bad I use them quite often. I don't say it outloud but I know I do. The difference I hope is I don't it outloud. I really hope to get it under control to where I don't get upset everytime I see my skids get something I feel is "undeserving". Ill let dad parent his while I do what's right for my dds. Ill work on my bio filter also.

Does it get better as you work on it? I'm only 5 years in,so I think I am getting better sometimes then bam! It (biofilter)turns on. Lol.

Is it always a bad thing? Or more like as long as you know it's there,that's good enough?

Replies

  • Steamedpuddle30
    November 19, 2012 at 8:27 AM
    I do this even with my nieces or brother also. Not just skids. If Dh gets a new golf club, don't think I won't get something new also! ;)

    Or the famous,my kids would NEVER do that. Maybe they wouldn't but its not fair for me to point out. (I don't its just an example)
  • SammyJK
    by SammyJK
    November 19, 2012 at 8:36 AM
    I have recignized that i do have a biofilter. I dont voice it when i notice but its there. My kids are annoying, dont get me wrong, but its usually far less annoying coming from my kids than from say my sks or bil's kids. It sucks, but its there. Im just glad i realized it and dont just go around thinking my kids are superior to others! Lol
  • whatIknownow
    November 19, 2012 at 8:38 AM

    The biofilter is the reason our species hasn't died out. It is the reason we tolerate our kids and forgive them time and time again.

    the biofilter is a good thing. It is the result of unconditional love.

  • SammyJK
    by SammyJK
    November 19, 2012 at 8:39 AM
    I agree! Glad we dont eat our young lol

    Quoting whatIknownow:

    The biofilter is the reason our species hasn't died out. It is the reason we tolerate our kids and forgive them time and time again.

    the biofilter is a good thing. It is the result of unconditional love.

  • sassy711
    November 19, 2012 at 9:08 AM

    The bio-filter is one of many tools we as SM's can use when dealing with our situations.  Another is recognizing what is typical behavior for a certain age, and what is typical behavior for COD.  I try to use all of those tools when dealing with my kids and the skids. 

    I think one of the problems SM's have is that the bio-filter is a 2 way street.  If SM's need to understand that, then so do our DH's.  I don't think it's a case of my kids "never" do that, instead I think it's a case of "I don't allow my kids to get away with that".  This has been an ongoing issue for me and DH.  He will excuse and justify his kids behaviors, but when mine do the same exact thing, he blows it out of proportion.  I have to explain to him over and over the concept of bio-filter, but he just doesn't get it.  Or maybe he does and just doesn't want to deal with it. 

  • angelmommy2806
    November 19, 2012 at 9:58 AM
    I'm pretty sure I do this too. Ds is only 2 and the skids are all older so it's a little different. Although there's days where Ds is home all day and by the time the skids get home I'm on my last nerve and everything is annoying. This week Ds is cutting his molars so he's been extra cranky so when one of my SS's start whining about their chores I get snippy.
  • annabl1970
    November 19, 2012 at 10:52 AM
    It actually helps me a lot. I always put myself in DH shoes, and I know if I didn't like the " feeling":), probably he doesn't either. Too bad not everybody can do it. I have coworker who constantly complains about her Ex and his wife, who treats ( in her opinion) her kids diffrent than theirs. But based on the stories she said, I can accused her of the same behavior towards her SKs
  • annabl1970
    November 19, 2012 at 12:37 PM
    I spend MY money on DD. DH gives her only occasional gifts. Same with SD. I buy her stuff sometimes, but would never help out with CS or pay for extras. That why we don't have any arguments over the spending on our kids.
    It's the best way to do it IMO




    Quoting Steamedpuddle30:

    One thing I LOVE about This group is the different perspectives and tools you gain from reading posts and having an open mind.



    Last week there was a post,sadly I don't think the poster listened even after 200+ replies but I think something good comes from everything(hopefully) and in this I came to realize how much we use our bio filters.



    I feel bad I use them quite often. I don't say it outloud but I know I do. The difference I hope is I don't it outloud. I really hope to get it under control to where I don't get upset everytime I see my skids get something I feel is "undeserving". Ill let dad parent his while I do what's right for my dds. Ill work on my bio filter also.



    Does it get better as you work on it? I'm only 5 years in,so I think I am getting better sometimes then bam! It (biofilter)turns on. Lol.



    Is it always a bad thing? Or more like as long as you know it's there,that's good enough?

  • Charli627
    November 19, 2012 at 4:54 PM


    Quoting annabl1970:

    It actually helps me a lot. I always put myself in DH shoes, and I know if I didn't like the " feeling":), probably he doesn't either. Too bad not everybody can do it. I have coworker who constantly complains about her Ex and his wife, who treats ( in her opinion) her kids diffrent than theirs. But based on the stories she said, I can accused her of the same behavior towards her SKs
  • TempestRayne
    November 19, 2012 at 5:40 PM
    Exactly. And sometimes, it is a necessity in general. When my Bio kids need something (and need it sooner rather than later) I don't always have the money to buy them something AND my dad something. My dad has her dad and mom to do that. My kids (my older two anyway) only have me. I don't get cs for them, so all my money sometimes has to go to them. It isn't personal, and I make sure my dad understands that.


    Quoting whatIknownow:

    The biofilter is the reason our species hasn't died out. It is the reason we tolerate our kids and forgive them time and time again.

    the biofilter is a good thing. It is the result of unconditional love.


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