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SammyJK
Minor but it bugs me
by SammyJK
November 18, 2012 at 1:54 PM
Brief rundown of our family.
Ss12- dh's with Bm1. Bm1 was married had 1 ss, 1ds, and 1 dd with xsf.
Sd9- dh's with bm2. Bm never married has 2 dds with 2 dif bfs and "sd" with current boyfriennd (bf to her ydd)
Ds8- mine from prev relationship. Dh adopted him 6 years ago.
Ds6 and 4- mine and dhs together. The only 2 siblings on our side with the same bps.

A while back bm1 made a comment comparing the bio relation between ss12 and sd9 (half sibs) to the one between ss and bms ss (step sibs) saying that she could say sd wasnt ss's REAL sister just like with her ss. Um no...totally different. They are half sibs not step sibs like ss and her ss.
Another time bm1 told dh that her ss was her child just like my ds8 is his. Again, no. Dh adopted my ds and bm1 was her ss's sm.
Now i looked at the questionairre bm1 filled out for ss's counseling which he will be attending with dh. She has all the kids listed as siblings (both her bks with xsf, my sd, and my 2 YDSs) except then she has my ds8 and her now xss down as STEP sibs. Wrong on all points. Her xss isnt in the picture at all anymore much less a step sib and my ds8 isnt technically a step brother because dh adopted him. ALL of the others are half sibs.
I know its minor like i said in the beginning, but if shes going to be nitpicky about it and classify them as step or not and compare things to dh the way she has, why call ds8 a STEP brother. I wonder too if she refers to his sibs on our side differently than the ones on her side regularly in an attempt to "belittle" (cant think of the word i really wanna use lol) the relationship with the siblings here. She says she doesnt and that theyr all referred to as brothers and sister. But then, why put it that way on a paper so important? Things that make me go hmmm....

Replies

  • Tinkerbellmama
    November 18, 2012 at 2:20 PM

    We've always referred to our other children as SD's sisters and brother. I don't like the term half, regardless of who the mother of the children are, they are all siblings as they all have the same father.

    SD used to get into trouble with BM and BM's mom for calling her sisters and brother her sistesr and brother. BM and BM's mom MADE her say half sisters and half brother. It was a control issue and an attempt to hurt SD's relationships with me and her siblings.

    BM has no other children, and has no intention of ever having any. 

  • Mommyof5247
    November 18, 2012 at 2:43 PM

    I can understand why it would be irritating, however minor. DH can clear up details when he attends the first few sessions & the counselor asks about family & history.

    I came from a very large family consisting of "half" & "step" siblings. We always thought of each other as simply siblings, no details needed. To explain things to other people can really sound complicated. And Dh's 2 from previous marriage are with my 2 from previous marriage everyday, they don't see their baby sister from BM & her DH very often but that doesn't make one relationship better or any less meaningful than the others. It's important for the kids to know who they are connected to.

    Just let BM have her explanation & DH & SS can work out the relevant details with the counselor. It does sound like she's trying to diminish the quality or importance of certain relationships among the children, but that's her issue.

  • Charli627
    November 18, 2012 at 5:17 PM
    I technincally only have half siblings and i never use the half. Bm told skids that ydd is only their half sister (true) but when sd asked her "so that means that (sd2 from another dad, that dh claims as his) and (dd from current dh) are our half sisters too?" Bm said "no all five of you are full siblings cause i give birth to you, half applies when there's different moms" lol whatever
  • SammyJK
    by SammyJK
    November 18, 2012 at 6:06 PM
    My dad thought all 3 of my boys where "whole/full" siblings because even though they technically have 2 dif fathers, he believed if they had the same mom then they werent half. Dork
  • rebeccasmly
    November 19, 2012 at 8:15 AM

    We don't use step or half around here but if we needed to for medical purposes or to distinguish we have. For medical purposes, its kind of important. A stepsibling, its not going to matter the medical history. But with a half sibling, there could be a bearing.

    You could be absolutely right though about BM's intentions. Our BM has tried to make it clear to the SKs that the child I share with DH is a real brother but my other children are just step brothers.

  • LittleMama2012
    November 19, 2012 at 8:28 AM
    We don't use half when referring to the kids unless it is medical or legal. Bm would call my boys sd's step brothers and the mil's did as well. I corrected them because then SD would walk around telling ds3 that he was not really her brother. I think it makes everyone feel more like a family when you don't use step or half.
  • SammyJK
    by SammyJK
    November 19, 2012 at 8:31 AM
    I get that with the medical history. But i mean, dh is going to be the one there with ss at his counseling stuff so obviously he will be able to explain everything.
    We never use the the term "step" in regards to the siblings either. They know whats what. Hell, i have 1bio sister, 1 half sister, 1 step sister, and 2 step brothers and we all just call each others brothersad sisters.


    Quoting rebeccasmly:

    We don't use step or half around here but if we needed to for medical purposes or to distinguish we have. For medical purposes, its kind of important. A stepsibling, its not going to matter the medical history. But with a half sibling, there could be a bearing.

    You could be absolutely right though about BM's intentions. Our BM has tried to make it clear to the SKs that the child I share with DH is a real brother but my other children are just step brothers.

  • SammyJK
    by SammyJK
    November 19, 2012 at 8:32 AM
    *Brothers and sisters

    Quoting SammyJK:

    I get that with the medical history. But i mean, dh is going to be the one there with ss at his counseling stuff so obviously he will be able to explain everything.

    We never use the the term "step" in regards to the siblings either. They know whats what. Hell, i have 1bio sister, 1 half sister, 1 step sister, and 2 step brothers and we all just call each others brothersad sisters.




    Quoting rebeccasmly:

    We don't use step or half around here but if we needed to for medical purposes or to distinguish we have. For medical purposes, its kind of important. A stepsibling, its not going to matter the medical history. But with a half sibling, there could be a bearing.

    You could be absolutely right though about BM's intentions. Our BM has tried to make it clear to the SKs that the child I share with DH is a real brother but my other children are just step brothers.

  • bertaboo1
    November 19, 2012 at 8:37 AM

    family is family.  period.  sometimes i use "step" if it is a complicated story but usually i dont go that far into detail.  ss4 is my son and that is how i introduce him.  dd10 refers to ss4 as "brother".  dd10 also refers to her daddys gf's son as brother.  (bless his heart...ex's gf's son age 12 refers to me as auntie lol)  ...point is ...family is family

  • Tigress22304
    November 19, 2012 at 10:58 AM

    me and my 3 siblings are all "half'' (we shared the same mom) but we all say brother/sister

    same with our kids-they say brother/sister even though dd isnt related to my skids sd and ss have different dads

    But that's how we were raised-there is no half/step etc in our family. Everyone's different.

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