"SD" doesn't call me mom, we came up with our own nicknames for eachother. For the first time today, I had someone call me "mom" to her. DF and I took her to get her hair cut and DF was reading the newspaper and I was over by "SD" talking to her and instructing the hairdresser on what we wanted done, what needed tweaked a little. When the woman was done she turned "SD" toward me and said "let's see what mom thinks" and "SD" just said "ok". I was a little suprised because I figured "SD" would giggle and be like "that's not my mommyyyy" or something. But she didn't. And I didn't want to be like "Oh, she's not my daughter" or something because what does it matter to this woman, y'know? I'm never going to see her again, who cares if she knows my relationship to "SD" and if "SD" didn't want to mention it I figured why should I? So I didn't correct her or anything. Did I do something wrong by letting that woman believe "SD" was my daughter?
You didn't do anything wrong, while she is with you, you are the mom. It is to much trouble and not anyone's business what your relationship is. Imagine having to explain to everyone this is not actually my child. Frankly I don't care, if you are in the role then thats what you are at least for that moment anyway. I don't correct anyone.
I would do a correction is someone said grandma though. LOL
My SDs don't correct strangers and folks we won't see that often (cashiers, hair dressers, etc.). However, I step in and correct people who will be in our lives frequently (teachers, new neighbors, etc.). My SKs BM passed away, and that assumption could be painful with seemingly innocent comments like "So what are you doing mom here for Mother's Day?"
My advice: think about your SK's potential reaction first, then be the adult and step in where needed, because often the SKs are so busy trying to please or keep the peace in the family, that they won't stand up for themselves.
You didn't do anything wrong, while she is with you, you are the mom. It is to much trouble and not anyone's business what your relationship is.
I disagree with the sentence in red (I do agree with the sentence after it).
While your nieces are with you, are you their mom? Do you cease to be their aunt, and are now their mom, during the time that they are with you?
If you take your DD and her friend to the mall, are you the mom of the friend, because she is with you?
your relationship doesn't change based on taking them shopping. Why would you cease to be the SM and suddenly become the BM?
You don't have to announce to total strangers what that relationship is, because they really couldn't care less. But that doesn't mean you have been transformed into "mom."
by Mommyof5247November 20, 2012 at 10:37 AM
Wow. THAT would be awkward. That stranger would probably start telling dad that BM was a b*tch if it were me standing there while some stranger scoops up my 11 mo old. Yuck. Who does that? Especially when they didn't know who you were.
I think if it's someone you or mom or sd will never see again then it's not a big deal. If it's someone that you, sd, or mom will see again then yes you should correct. My ex and I used to run in the same circles fregquently so I would often meet people that he and SM already met or knew. There was nothing more annoying than running into them with DS and having them run up pick my kid up and say OHHHH DS hi sweetie where is your mom or dad. Ummmmm the kid is 11 months old his mom is sitting right here and then having to explain that I was in fact his mother and SM was SM please put my kid down stranger that I don't know lol.
November 20, 2012 at 10:40 AMThis past weekend SD and I went shopping for like 4 hours for christmas gifts, we played at the mall, saw Santa and shopped, while she was seeing Santa he asked me "mommy do you remember the Barbie doll I left you for Christmas morning?" SD looked at Santa and said "that's my other mommy, my step mommy" He giggled and said "well i can tell she loves you very much! It surprised me but made me feel good
It happens often with us - maybe because SD and I have the same last name, while SD and BM do not. The first few times it happened, I was very nervous how SD would handle it, but it's never been a big deal. Most of the time, SD didn't even react.
I have a cute story to share... A few years ago, we had taken SD to meet my family, and there was a little girl there almost SD's age; the two got along great. The adults were in the next room while the girls were playing, and I could hear the little girl referring to me as SD's mom. I heard SD explain to her that I wasn't her real mom, but that it didn't bother her if she wanted to call me that; SD just wanted her to know. I thought it was a graceful and sweet way for SD to handle it.
by Mommyof5247November 20, 2012 at 10:50 AM
The kids never correct people. If people ask them who I am, they say "that's my mom" or "our mom". They know who their BM is & the dynamics of the relationships very well for being young. Any important people in their liives, or our lives, know the situation so no one's too concerned with the details.