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clp0930
My stepmom hates me....
by clp0930
November 9, 2012 at 1:35 PM

My stepmom hates me and I really don't know why. On the rare occasions I used to call my father she wold delete my messages. I've only met her a few times (my parents divorced when I was inmiddle school, I'm in my 20's now). 


It wouldn't nomally bother me because I'm not very close to my father (purely due to his own dumb life decisions) but I felt she acted really inappropriately at my grandfather's 80th birthday party. Though they've been together off and on for about five years they aren't married so my grandfather referred to her as my father's special friend (I really don't think he meant anything by it) while toasting everyone. She apparently decided that dring the dinne rin front of everyone was the place to voice her displeasure, and somehow I got the blame for her being referred to as a special friend.

1. I don't get why I'm being blamed for this, we barely speak, I don't know her, I really have no interest in my father's personal life

2. Maybe the family would react morewarmly to her if she didn't get drunk at an old man's bday party and cause a scene

I don't feel its fair that family gatherings should be made awkward for me because of her, whatever situation she has with my father or grandparents has nothing to with me. 

Should I explain to her I don't care? Should I say something to my grandparents about her presence 9wouldn't that jstify her hatred???)

Replies

  • sandeeyo
    November 9, 2012 at 1:41 PM

    I'd ignore her ass, she is your dad's problem, not yours.

  • whatIknownow
    November 9, 2012 at 1:44 PM

    special friend is a lot better than what he could have said. What's wrong with special friend?

    I'm sorry your father's girlfriend is such a cunt. Most of us SMs are nice. I hope this doesn't taint your opinion of SMs in general.

  • lilangilyn
    November 9, 2012 at 1:51 PM

    Usually when someone is hated, there is a reason. You may not be privy to that reason, but she has one.

    Maybe she hates you because you are judgemental of her and your father. You seem that way in this post.

    Or maybe she hates you because by your own admission your calls were rare. And what were the calls like... maybe she had a reason for deleting those.

    Or maybe she hates you because you "really have no interest in [your] father's personal life." Or maybe because you have only met her a few times and she sees that as rude. Who knows?

    I think you need to chill over the whole thing. If I had relatives like you all, I would probably have to get drunk at family gatherings as well.

     

  • ProudmommyJess
    November 9, 2012 at 1:56 PM

    It probably has nothing to do with you honestly, especially if you have only met her a few times. SM's are just people. Some people are good people and others are a waste of space. Im sorry that the person your father chose to be with isn't a good person, but that is his decision and not a decision that you can change for him. If it is something that is affecting your family functions then maybe you can just try to ignore her and be thankful she isn't in your life on a daily basis. Chances are if she continues this behavior she may no longer get invited to these family functions anyway. 

  • clp0930
    by clp0930
    November 9, 2012 at 1:57 PM

    It doesn't, his girlfriend, her insecurities, their problem. I just don't want Christmas to be awkward. i know my grandparents will want to see my new baby.

  • clp0930
    by clp0930
    November 9, 2012 at 1:59 PM

    My parents divorced when I was 12 due to my father beating my mother to a pulp. I judge my father and his girlfriend because they're both alcoholics with substance abuse problems who take advantage of my grandparents. I tried to make the calls becase my grandparents had a hope my father and I might be able to mend fences. 

    Quoting lilangilyn:

    Usually when someone is hated, there is a reason. You may not be privy to that reason, but she has one.

    Maybe she hates you because you are judgemental of her and your father. You seem that way in this post.

    Or maybe she hates you because by your own admission your calls were rare. And what were the calls like... maybe she had a reason for deleting those.

    Or maybe she hates you because you "really have no interest in [your] father's personal life." Or maybe because you have only met her a few times and she sees that as rude. Who knows?

    I think you need to chill over the whole thing. If I had relatives like you all, I would probably have to get drunk at family gatherings as well.



  • sassy711
    November 9, 2012 at 2:00 PM

    Let it go.  This is an issue between your dad and his family.  If you stay out of it you won't get bit by it.  Not trying to sound mean, it's just that you have your life and your dad has his.  His relationship his problem.  Focus on you and your life.  If someone from your family says anything, merely shrug and say "I don't have a clue".  Good luck

  • whatIknownow
    November 9, 2012 at 2:04 PM

    Maybe there is a way you can communicate with your father behind her back so she can't interfere. Facebook? texts? I would find a way to bypass her.  It's worth a shot. Maybe he also wants to get back in touch with you but doesn't know how.

    Quoting clp0930:

    My parents divorced when I was 12 due to my father beating my mother to a pulp. I judge my father and his girlfriend because they're both alcoholics with substance abuse problems who take advantage of my grandparents. I tried to make the calls becase my grandparents had a hope my father and I might be able to mend fences. 

    Quoting lilangilyn:

    Usually when someone is hated, there is a reason. You may not be privy to that reason, but she has one.

    Maybe she hates you because you are judgemental of her and your father. You seem that way in this post.

    Or maybe she hates you because by your own admission your calls were rare. And what were the calls like... maybe she had a reason for deleting those.

    Or maybe she hates you because you "really have no interest in [your] father's personal life." Or maybe because you have only met her a few times and she sees that as rude. Who knows?

    I think you need to chill over the whole thing. If I had relatives like you all, I would probably have to get drunk at family gatherings as well.




  • leegirl_jm
    November 9, 2012 at 2:04 PM

    You only see her a few times so what she thinks about you doesn't matter. You don't sound very fond of her either, maybe she knows how you feel about her, just ignore it.

  • E_is_4_Ethan
    November 9, 2012 at 2:14 PM

     From a person that didn't have a relationship with her father her whole childhood life (lots of it had to due with a SM), but does as of 7 yrs ago.

    Leave it alone. Ignore her. If your father is still drinking there is no point in trying to talk to him. I know you want your dad..every child does. Maybe later in life you will, but not right now.

    hugs

     

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