Stepmom Central

tlb6877
Intro....
by tlb6877
October 14, 2012 at 5:44 PM
Hello fellow step moms! I am a 34 year old mother to a 20 month old bio daughter and I have an 8 year old, soon-to-be, step son. When my fiancée and I started dating I had concerns about my step son. These concerns were surrounding his ADHD and helping with the transition of having another woman in his life. Since having a bio child I have really struggled with many other things involving my step son. I'm looking for validation of my feelings without judgements; hearing similar experiences; advice; support; and guidance to help me with the most challenging job in the world. Being a step mother. Whoever said that being a mom is the hardest job has never been a step mom;)
Thanks in advance,
Tracy

Replies

  • Mommyof5247
    October 14, 2012 at 5:49 PM
    Welcome! Being a SM is challenging. I hope you find what you're looking for here.
  • pdxmum
    by pdxmum
    October 14, 2012 at 6:00 PM
    Is the 20 month old your SSs half brother?

    What else are you struggling with?
  • sandeeyo
    October 14, 2012 at 6:13 PM

    Welcome!

    How long have you been with your SO and when are you getting married?

  • amonkeymom
    Amy
    October 14, 2012 at 9:04 PM

    Welcome to the group Tracy!  When are you getting married?

  • kellynh
    by kellynh
    October 14, 2012 at 10:23 PM
    Welcome to the group.
  • tlb6877
    by tlb6877
    October 21, 2012 at 2:01 PM
    Thank you! My daughter is my step sons half sister. I am marrying their father in December. Can't wait! We have been together for about four years. One of the issues I have been facing is the changes in my feelings towards my step son since my daughter was born. And I have had to adjust my parenting style to align more with his mothers. And it's been hard for me as we parent VERY differently. I am less about raising a compliant, obedient child and more about raising a happy, independent child. That might sound judgemental but I admit it's one of the many things I'm working on.
    Thanks for any thoughts, ideas and support. I'll take all the help I can get:)
  • Tillymommie
    October 21, 2012 at 2:08 PM

    With a child who has ADHD, or any type of SNs, a structured environment and steady routine is important. Its possible to have a compliant obedient child who is happy and independent. My children are very independent and happy and listen very well for 3 year olds. I expect them to be obedient. Its important that they listen so they don't get hurt

    Quoting tlb6877:

    Thank you! My daughter is my step sons half sister. I am marrying their father in December. Can't wait! We have been together for about four years. One of the issues I have been facing is the changes in my feelings towards my step son since my daughter was born. And I have had to adjust my parenting style to align more with his mothers. And it's been hard for me as we parent VERY differently. I am less about raising a compliant, obedient child and more about raising a happy, independent child. That might sound judgemental but I admit it's one of the many things I'm working on.
    Thanks for any thoughts, ideas and support. I'll take all the help I can get:)


  • tlb6877
    by tlb6877
    October 22, 2012 at 8:50 PM
    Thanks, I think part of the issue is that my step son is not in a structured environment unless he is in our home. We have been battling with his mother regarding all of the changes that would help with his ADHD (E.G. going to bed at the same time every night, getting more sleep, less sugar, less processed foods, less TV, etc). I understand part of his mother's argument, that she wants her son to feel "normal" and just be a kid. But I think that when he (and his mother) are not controlling his environment and food he suffers too much. His behaviors become quite extreme and I think his self esteem is negatively impacted, as well. And we only have him every other weekend so it's as if we start over every weekend. Then I feel helpless. And I think my step son must feel the same way at times.

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