Stepmom Central

TheMomOf3-00
Dont think I have ever felt so hurt in my life......**UPDATE**
October 6, 2012 at 1:07 AM

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So on Saturday SS turned the big 19!! Him and DH went out to the local bar together and DH told me he would be having a chat with SS. he explained that him and gf are putting alot of stress on us as a couple and thst it has to stop, he expressed that it caused a fight on Friday and he said things to me he should have never said. SS came home that night and talked to gf, as well as appologized to me for causing the tension, gf has started pitching in around the house, she went and applied for a job at our local tea house (she told us that she has p/t work there helping with events and tidying rooms and doing house keeping when the local bed and breakfast has guests) so we will see how much work she takes and how it works out. Because we live in a small town its tough to get f/t work.

SS has decided that instead of a truck for his birthday a winter jacket would be more suitable. I am EXTREMELY proud of DH, I know it was probably not easy because I can understand why he would feel the need to compensate for the lost years. He has taken my side and has expressed to them both that we are NOT here to support them, we are here to help put a roof over their heads, assist them with getting on their feet out here in Alberta and are here to help build a relationship between father and son, but we are NOT here to be a free ride. Dh said he understands the situation that both SS and gf come from and if they came to us expecting a different lifestyle well they were sadly mistaken, we work on us and the two of them need to do the same.

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So after a few attempts to go for a 1.5 hour drive to pick up my SS and his GF's belongings out of a storage unit I found out tonight that my Saturday was volunteered and expected to go and get the task done, I have 3 of my own children, 2 of which are gone this weekend to their dad until sunday at 5:30pm...after finding out and being harped on to find out what time I was getting up, what time I aws plannin on leaving, what time we think we will get to the storage unit I called it quits, I went to bed where DH was already in bed (I was cleaning the kitchen) when I got to bed I told DH that I wasnt to pleased that I was volunteered to go and do this. He told me if I didnt like it than I guess something is not working and he will not have his son (who is 19 and his gf is 19)  leave because I am to selfish. I asked if he had any idea what I had planned for tomorrow and he said no but obviously its more important and now it looks like you will be house hunting.

I was than told that not only am I to be doing this but I also need to pay $259.00 for this damn storage unit, we have 3 children, all under the age of 8, we live on 1 income, and money is tight, I said if they are getting their things out of storage why do we have to pay for it? He said that SS's gf's MOTHER still has belongings in there and we have to pay it. Am I unreasonable for thinking it is NOT our responsibility to pay for this? Am I unreasonable for NOT wanting to spend an entire Saturday playing taxi driver to 2 ADULTS who dont work, just moved in with us and we have ALREADY given $700 to?? 

I am so upset I can barely type or think, we have been together for 4 years!!! My oldest 2 children are from a prevous relationship he said from day 1 that we are a backaged deal!! I recieve child support for my children and our son is 18 months old!! AM I WRONG HERE!! I am beside myself thinking I may be but I cant figure out HOW>!>!>!>!

Replies

  • kellynh
    by kellynh
    October 6, 2012 at 1:30 PM
    I don't think that dh understands that while yes, he feels guilty and that is valid... Giving in to what amounts to entitlement will only enable his son to learn not to stand on his own two feet. The kids ARE adults... They have to act like it.

    I made a bad decision to quit school when I was 16. My parents were pissed, but said that since I made that decision, I had to pay rent. I paid $25 a week until I moved out at 17.5 yo. It taught me to be an adult. They didn't need the money, they needed to show me how to be responsible.
  • TheMomOf3-00
    October 6, 2012 at 1:46 PM

    And that is exactly it!!! They have both graduated but they sit at home on the internet all day, I signed on for 3 kids, and a husband who busts ass daily, not 3 kids, a husband and 2 adults who honestly just seem to be causing only stress. I will admit, DH has told SS that come spring work for him will take off like a bat out of hell, he wants to learn the ropes of farming, he wants to get into what his dad does, he did however only determine this AFTER DH told SS that 1 of our propperties is work $15million. SS has created a computer program, he sells it online and makes a few bucks here and there, BUT until Dh told him the value of the 1 propperty he was not in any way interested. I can NOT help but think that maybe BM has something to do with the trip out here, she is married to a man who has been deported,  smokes pot and from what I have heard, can be rather nasty to her and the kids. 

    As I sit here and vent on my 1 day a week where I can relax a little I am being asked repetedly when we are going, when DH is coming home so we can take the truck, if we are paying for the storage unit. Now, I have a BIG mouth and a lack of filter running from the brain to the mouth but I am making a concious effort to keep it cool and relax, it seems neither appreciate the things DH does, neither understand that he busts ass to be where we are, I run the house but in reality he runs the show!!! 

    Quoting kellynh:

    I don't think that dh understands that while yes, he feels guilty and that is valid... Giving in to what amounts to entitlement will only enable his son to learn not to stand on his own two feet. The kids ARE adults... They have to act like it.

    I made a bad decision to quit school when I was 16. My parents were pissed, but said that since I made that decision, I had to pay rent. I paid $25 a week until I moved out at 17.5 yo. It taught me to be an adult. They didn't need the money, they needed to show me how to be responsible.


  • Tigress22304
    October 6, 2012 at 1:48 PM


    Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

    We tried, lastnight him and I sat and chatted they went to their room. 

    Quoting Tigress22304:

    okay-now that I read thru your responses-maybe you/DH and SS and the gf need to sit down and hash this shit out.

    THey want money?! Tell them to get jobs! I understand you and DH are busting your asses working hard for your future-while raising 3 babies-I applaud you for that!

    However, they are both 19-they're adults. If they want, they have to work for it.

    And someone tell Ms Princess to gtfo herself-if she's spazzing over a few bugs-life's NOT that bad! If she wants to go somewhere-she's got 2 legs-WALK YOUR ASS!

    I think it's great DH and SS are trying to catch up on lost time-but both 19yr olds need to realize-not everything's about a handout. They need to put forth effort themselves.


    why? Why did they go to their room?! THey are adults living in YOUR home-if you're having a family discussion-they need to be present. If they can't even give you that-then maybe it's time for them to go. Something tells me they just want a free handout.

  • TheMomOf3-00
    October 6, 2012 at 1:56 PM

    This is exactly how I feel, but at the same time I do not feel it is my possition to tell DH that these are my thoughts, I dont think I have the right to say his son has got to go, I dont think it is fair to put him in that spot, or make that call. I dont know why they left, I dont know if they did not like the way things were going? I am not sure, I dont think it is fair that for 4 years we have lived a wonderful life and now we have tension because of unexpected house guests who have moved in. It is tough, we are mad about eachother, we have made things work in our lives (even with my idiot ex in the picture) We work as a team, he makes money, I keep the house in line. NOW SS is 19, I am 25 and DH is 37, I dont think it is right for me to put my foot down when the age difference is so close, I dont know why I feel this way, it is my house, I bust ass just as much as DH, I raise 3 babies, I do the house deeds, I do the chorers, I fix the fences, I care for the animals and livestock, I find these animals new homes and I LOVE every second of our lives!!! We are a great team, but it seems out team-ness has been put in an unfair possition. SS did not want to move in (because of the last visit) until DH told him the $$ amount of the propperty we own. I feel used, I feel taken advantage of and I cant help but want to avoid telling DH these things :s

    Quoting Tigress22304:


    Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

    We tried, lastnight him and I sat and chatted they went to their room. 

    Quoting Tigress22304:

    okay-now that I read thru your responses-maybe you/DH and SS and the gf need to sit down and hash this shit out.

    THey want money?! Tell them to get jobs! I understand you and DH are busting your asses working hard for your future-while raising 3 babies-I applaud you for that!

    However, they are both 19-they're adults. If they want, they have to work for it.

    And someone tell Ms Princess to gtfo herself-if she's spazzing over a few bugs-life's NOT that bad! If she wants to go somewhere-she's got 2 legs-WALK YOUR ASS!

    I think it's great DH and SS are trying to catch up on lost time-but both 19yr olds need to realize-not everything's about a handout. They need to put forth effort themselves.


    why? Why did they go to their room?! THey are adults living in YOUR home-if you're having a family discussion-they need to be present. If they can't even give you that-then maybe it's time for them to go. Something tells me they just want a free handout.


  • Tigress22304
    October 6, 2012 at 2:18 PM


    Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

    This is exactly how I feel, but at the same time I do not feel it is my possition to tell DH that these are my thoughts, I dont think I have the right to say his son has got to go, I dont think it is fair to put him in that spot, or make that call. I dont know why they left, I dont know if they did not like the way things were going? I am not sure, I dont think it is fair that for 4 years we have lived a wonderful life and now we have tension because of unexpected house guests who have moved in. It is tough, we are mad about eachother, we have made things work in our lives (even with my idiot ex in the picture) We work as a team, he makes money, I keep the house in line. NOW SS is 19, I am 25 and DH is 37, I dont think it is right for me to put my foot down when the age difference is so close, I dont know why I feel this way, it is my house, I bust ass just as much as DH, I raise 3 babies, I do the house deeds, I do the chorers, I fix the fences, I care for the animals and livestock, I find these animals new homes and I LOVE every second of our lives!!! We are a great team, but it seems out team-ness has been put in an unfair possition. SS did not want to move in (because of the last visit) until DH told him the $$ amount of the propperty we own. I feel used, I feel taken advantage of and I cant help but want to avoid telling DH these things :s

    Quoting Tigress22304:


    Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

    We tried, lastnight him and I sat and chatted they went to their room. 

    Quoting Tigress22304:

    okay-now that I read thru your responses-maybe you/DH and SS and the gf need to sit down and hash this shit out.

    THey want money?! Tell them to get jobs! I understand you and DH are busting your asses working hard for your future-while raising 3 babies-I applaud you for that!

    However, they are both 19-they're adults. If they want, they have to work for it.

    And someone tell Ms Princess to gtfo herself-if she's spazzing over a few bugs-life's NOT that bad! If she wants to go somewhere-she's got 2 legs-WALK YOUR ASS!

    I think it's great DH and SS are trying to catch up on lost time-but both 19yr olds need to realize-not everything's about a handout. They need to put forth effort themselves.


    why? Why did they go to their room?! THey are adults living in YOUR home-if you're having a family discussion-they need to be present. If they can't even give you that-then maybe it's time for them to go. Something tells me they just want a free handout.


    honey-if you are having these feelings/concerns then you SHOULD speak up! Don't keep something like this from your husband-because it may lead to you resenting SS and his gf-and if the 4 adults can not cohabitate in the same house-it's gonna end up into a shitstorm.

    DH may side with his son because he's guilty from years of not being in his life. At the same time-it's YOUR HOUSE-yours and DH's YOU BOTH need to sit down with the 19yr olds and discuss this out.

    They need goals. THey need to get up-be productive. Whether it's helping you around the house DAILY or out job searching/working with DH. They are 19. THey can help cook/clean/do dishes/do laundry-help with the upkeep.

    ANd if they want to continue web surfing-they need to start chipping in. Or do what my mom did. She cut the internet during certain times of the day so we couldn't use it.

    Talk to DH and then the 2 of you need to talk to the 19yrs old together. No cell phones/no house phones/wait til the babies are in bed. No distractions whatsoever. And make it a rule that the 4 of you stay and talk everything through until it's over and done with. Because You and DH run that house-you 2 need to back each other 10000%. If the kids see DH slip up once (by caving in) they're gonna take advantage BIG TIME!

  • macbudsmom
    October 6, 2012 at 2:22 PM
    Yes it is sad there first meet up went so bad, but I am guessing ss did not have a great childhood and has some issues. I am glad your husband and he have this chance to build a relationship that they were both cheated out of. (more so the son than dad). In time and with proper guidance ss might become a good responsible young man.

    You came to dh with a history and baggage too and yet he loves and supports you. Let him give his son that same chance he gave you.


    Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

    I am all for support, help, love and so on, but TO AN EXTENT!!!

    We are NOT made of money, we do NOT live a 5 star life, we bank all rental income, we have it put into an account that is not able to be touched, we want a life once we retire, we own grain farms, they DO NOT come with pension plans or retirement plans!!

    YES he supports my other 2 children, their father also pays child support to assist with that, we run a tight ship and to just continue handing out money left right and centre is B.S!!! 

    I DO NOT agree with supporting the gf, I do NOT agree with supporting her mother either!! That is rediculas for ANYONE to assume that would happen, they are both 19 years old and NEITHER of them work, they can not even put dishes in a dishwasher!!! I have a 6, 3 and 18 month old, my older 2 CLEAN UP AFTER THEMSELVES, they DO NOT expect toys every time we go out, they DO NOT expect to recieve EVERYTHING theylike or want, these 2 have been here for 3 weeks, we have handed out $700.00 on top of not asking for rent, expecting jobs right off the bat AND we pay for every ounce of food that they eat!!! I think thats pretty damn good considering the past DH and SS have had, as I said, last time a vehicle was stolen and written off in the field, ON TOP of the damage to the crops to say the least!!


    Quoting macbudsmom:

    Your husband is supporting and raising your 2 kids he has no obligation to and you have the nerve to suggest that it is wrong that he helps his son and that the son seems to have a sense of entitlement??? His SON is entitled to his father's love and support. It is not the child's fault his mother ran off with him.





    Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

    DH is #1 income. He makes the money, he supports. I run a horse rescue in my spare time.

    After we talked lastnight he has come to understand how I feel we are being used, he said to me that he cant help but try to please because for 19 years he did not p ay for SS.

    I said tough, if SS felt that way once he turned 18 he had the chance to take DH for Cunpaid child support and SS did not choose to do that, instead he moves in and expects the world!!!





  • TheMomOf3-00
    October 6, 2012 at 5:45 PM

    I agree 100%!! Lastnight it got heated between him and I because I was TOLD I was taking them to the storage unit, I was not in any way asked what my plans were, I have a root canal and 4 wisdom teeth to be pulled next Friday, I wanted to enjoy this weekend and get ready to be laid up next weekend, cooking meals to be frozen, cleaning the house like mad, working on a "mommy's sick chore list" for my 6 and 3 year old!! I DID not want to go to Calgary to play taxi driver, I voiced this to DH and that is when he snapped and said "if something is not working having SS and GF here than someone has to leave and I ewont kick my son out" it was Hheart breaking, he soon after appologized and drove into town to buy an apple pie, we than sat up and discussed how I feel there are open hands all over looking for cash but no one earning it......he agreed and said it is his obligation to help his son which is cool absolutely!!! But not the GF and sure as shit NOT her mother who we do not know!!!

    After paying for the storage unit was addressed and we threw the idea around it was "my mom owes money to the hotel for the cats" I am sure nxt it will be "My mom is short $___ for her rent!! This is not a charity event, this is OUR lives, OUR money, OUR house, we dont sit around and watch the money come in, we WORK for it!!! 

    I dont know, I will talk further with DH tonight when he comes home.

    Quoting Tigress22304:


    Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

    This is exactly how I feel, but at the same time I do not feel it is my possition to tell DH that these are my thoughts, I dont think I have the right to say his son has got to go, I dont think it is fair to put him in that spot, or make that call. I dont know why they left, I dont know if they did not like the way things were going? I am not sure, I dont think it is fair that for 4 years we have lived a wonderful life and now we have tension because of unexpected house guests who have moved in. It is tough, we are mad about eachother, we have made things work in our lives (even with my idiot ex in the picture) We work as a team, he makes money, I keep the house in line. NOW SS is 19, I am 25 and DH is 37, I dont think it is right for me to put my foot down when the age difference is so close, I dont know why I feel this way, it is my house, I bust ass just as much as DH, I raise 3 babies, I do the house deeds, I do the chorers, I fix the fences, I care for the animals and livestock, I find these animals new homes and I LOVE every second of our lives!!! We are a great team, but it seems out team-ness has been put in an unfair possition. SS did not want to move in (because of the last visit) until DH told him the $$ amount of the propperty we own. I feel used, I feel taken advantage of and I cant help but want to avoid telling DH these things :s

    Quoting Tigress22304:


    Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

    We tried, lastnight him and I sat and chatted they went to their room. 

    Quoting Tigress22304:

    okay-now that I read thru your responses-maybe you/DH and SS and the gf need to sit down and hash this shit out.

    THey want money?! Tell them to get jobs! I understand you and DH are busting your asses working hard for your future-while raising 3 babies-I applaud you for that!

    However, they are both 19-they're adults. If they want, they have to work for it.

    And someone tell Ms Princess to gtfo herself-if she's spazzing over a few bugs-life's NOT that bad! If she wants to go somewhere-she's got 2 legs-WALK YOUR ASS!

    I think it's great DH and SS are trying to catch up on lost time-but both 19yr olds need to realize-not everything's about a handout. They need to put forth effort themselves.


    why? Why did they go to their room?! THey are adults living in YOUR home-if you're having a family discussion-they need to be present. If they can't even give you that-then maybe it's time for them to go. Something tells me they just want a free handout.


    honey-if you are having these feelings/concerns then you SHOULD speak up! Don't keep something like this from your husband-because it may lead to you resenting SS and his gf-and if the 4 adults can not cohabitate in the same house-it's gonna end up into a shitstorm.

    DH may side with his son because he's guilty from years of not being in his life. At the same time-it's YOUR HOUSE-yours and DH's YOU BOTH need to sit down with the 19yr olds and discuss this out.

    They need goals. THey need to get up-be productive. Whether it's helping you around the house DAILY or out job searching/working with DH. They are 19. THey can help cook/clean/do dishes/do laundry-help with the upkeep.

    ANd if they want to continue web surfing-they need to start chipping in. Or do what my mom did. She cut the internet during certain times of the day so we couldn't use it.

    Talk to DH and then the 2 of you need to talk to the 19yrs old together. No cell phones/no house phones/wait til the babies are in bed. No distractions whatsoever. And make it a rule that the 4 of you stay and talk everything through until it's over and done with. Because You and DH run that house-you 2 need to back each other 10000%. If the kids see DH slip up once (by caving in) they're gonna take advantage BIG TIME!


  • Tigress22304
    October 6, 2012 at 9:34 PM


    Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

    I agree 100%!! Lastnight it got heated between him and I because I was TOLD I was taking them to the storage unit, I was not in any way asked what my plans were, I have a root canal and 4 wisdom teeth to be pulled next Friday, I wanted to enjoy this weekend and get ready to be laid up next weekend, cooking meals to be frozen, cleaning the house like mad, working on a "mommy's sick chore list" for my 6 and 3 year old!! I DID not want to go to Calgary to play taxi driver, I voiced this to DH and that is when he snapped and said "if something is not working having SS and GF here than someone has to leave and I ewont kick my son out" it was Hheart breaking, he soon after appologized and drove into town to buy an apple pie, we than sat up and discussed how I feel there are open hands all over looking for cash but no one earning it......he agreed and said it is his obligation to help his son which is cool absolutely!!! But not the GF and sure as shit NOT her mother who we do not know!!!

    After paying for the storage unit was addressed and we threw the idea around it was "my mom owes money to the hotel for the cats" I am sure nxt it will be "My mom is short $___ for her rent!! This is not a charity event, this is OUR lives, OUR money, OUR house, we dont sit around and watch the money come in, we WORK for it!!! 

    I dont know, I will talk further with DH tonight when he comes home.


    should DH help SS?! ABSOLUTELY! But should DH be holding SS's hand for the next several months/years until SS moves out?! Fck no! DH needs to realize his son is 19yrs old. He needs to learn to stand on his own 2 feet. The son needs to be making money. Same for her Majesty. Did she think SS's gonna be her sugar daddy?! Or is she expecting you and DH to be supporting her mother?! Why isn't mom working supporting herself?!

    DH needs to talk to ss and ESPECIALLY GF about the finances.

    SS needs help-I can understand that-however ss should not expect DH to finance every single thing! SS needs to help. Don't even get me started on the GF. Perhaps you need to show DH some of the replies on here.

    I have a sd11 and a ss6-if they were older-(ill put myself in your shoes)and DH didn't have much time with them-and they came to us needing a place to live-I'll gladly open my home to you!!! However-if the skids are old enough-I expect some common courtesy. I expect them to help out around the house-they're over 18-they can get a job-even a part time job and chip in a few $$ for household expenses. They need a car?! Great! My dad works in a junkyard-we can find a decent beater car for a few hundred-give a tune up and go from there....no way in hell am I giving the kids a free ride NOR would I allow my husband to waste away thousands of dollars.

    And as far as any boyfriends/girlfriends go-I fully expect them to support themselves. No way in hell would I be paying their bills/debts or paying their families's debts. But that's just me.

  • TheMomOf3-00
    October 7, 2012 at 1:40 AM

    So the long and short of the past, gf's mother came to Alberta to see her family she has not seen for years, they did not know that gf existed, her mother has 2 other children who live with their fathers, after they were removed from her care she took off to British Columbia. It has always just been gf and her mother. 

    SS is now interested in farming like DH is, DH has explained that it is a life long income, it has its good years and it has its bad years it comes with the profession. SS was all for doing his computer programming for a job, since being here he has created a computer game, COOL all the power to you, but if this is the path you choose than suck it up until it takes off is my oppinion. It was not until DH told him (like I said above) what 1 of our propperties is worth that SS got interested in farming.

    I dont know what GF expects, I can however tell you that when I ran and picked DH up in the field tonight he and I stopped at the local pub (SS and gf watched baby) and we had a chat between the two of us, today is SS's birthday and DH and him are now at the pub having birthday drinks together, DH said to me that he would be having a chat 1 on 1 with SS about how he is all for getting SS set up, helping SS out, he makes an effort, he helps with the kids, he puts the kids in their place when they are rude to me and DH is not around, he is a great kid, right now harvest season is comming to an end so worwk is slowing down, SS asked me this am if he was going to work with DH today and I said to him that its his b-day and DH said he could relax today, he said to me "Well I would prefer go to work with him because there is not much to do here" I said COOL and I called DH but he was shutting down for the day (we got erain the other day and ground is still to wet)  GF and I went to get groceries yesterday and I had no choice but to put my foot down, I paid for a b-day cake for SS, than when I was asked about a cake pan (I lost mine in a bad situation for another day) she said oh well we could just buy a brand new set, I said FLAT OUT we are NOT made of money, we have 3 kids to raise and we live a happy and content life where finances are OK, we dont starve, we are both smokers, we can support our habbits while living a comfortable life, we can buy things for our selves here and there but we went threw 5 years OF HELL, lawyer fees to fight for my older 2 childrem, lawyer fees to fight for my 1/2 of mine and my ex's house and so on and so forth (When we started dating I WAS working full time, I was using legal aid lawyers who did NOTHING FOR ME so when we got together WE decided to HIRE a lawyer!!)

    So yes, anywho, DH is going to have a father son chat tonight and with luck things change, I know SS means no harm and what I DO NOT understand is GF came from a lifestyle where her and her mother lived under the poverty line, BUT she thinks that by coming here DH and I are going to support her and give her a 5 star lifestyle!! Originally they were moving to Alberta to start their lives together, her mother followed, they spent 3 weeks in a hotel and DH said thats not the life for HIS SON, he called HIS SON and said COME HERE PLEASE, you can live rent free, you can get set up I can teach you about farming and so on, now SS and gf have been dating for 6 years OK I get it, she comes too, BUT GO GET A JOB!! ARGH!! Stop asking us to support your mother and PITCH IN!! DH has said numerous times, "Help _ _ _ _(me)  out, she does alot around here, we are a team, I make the money and she keeps the house in line, if you see something that will help make her life easier, than pitch in" But she still sleeps until 11am, comes upstairs and sits on the couch all day on her lap top. She has cooked dinner 2 times in 4 weeks, and I guess after my dental work next Friday will be the real test, I will not be in any state to clean, cook nothing. Today I was unable to cook my meals I had planned for that weekend and if I have time during the week I may, but I am tempted not to just to see if there is any effort put in.

    She said she went to apply at a local tea shop the other day and they offered her a job making beds and doing house keeping, she has not gone to work yet, she gave my number to call her on and no one has caled and tonight we asked at the pub (because it is attached to the hotel) if this job was a go and he said she never came in. SOOOO I guess we will give it a bit and if it doesnt play out the way we hope it does than something needs to change DRASTICALLY!!

  • AmyB118
    by AmyB118
    October 7, 2012 at 1:45 AM

    She has every right to be pissed about her DH planning her day for her and telling her what she WILL do.  Read on....SS has already wrecked a vehicle and not told anyone about it previously.

    OSS21 and I don't really get along.  He's stolen from us, lied to us, about us, said horrible things about me, etc.  I CHOOSE not to have a relationship w/him beyond "Hi, how are you".  I do not, however, dictate how DH and OSS have THEIR relationship.  I only ask that I be kept out of theirs.  OSS has a chip on his shoulder and a sense of entitlement.  He is NOT entitled to anything I have - I believe he needs to EARN what he wants.  OSS's GF is pregnant.....not my problem.  OSS doesn't have a car, OSS delivers pizzas for a living this time b/c he never finished HS (too lazy and too lazy to get his GED), GF works part time at a convenience store and they live w/my MIL (they pay no bills - they expect everyone else to support them).  I've already told DH I personally will not be supporting them or their baby - they made it, they can figure it out on their own.  If DH wants to help them, he can do so w/his extra money - after OUR bills are paid.  My money? Not going to them.

    Sounds like OP's SS is similar.  OP stated she works part time and gets CS so it seems as tho she's contributing to the household financially.  OP is fully within her right to tell her DH all about himself and the shitty way she was treated.  If her DH wanted that shit done then he needs to figure out how to do it himself, not expect his wife to do it.  SS is NOT her child - she has her own to raise (which you pointed out).  Just b/c he wasn't around when SS was growing up doesn't give the SS the right to demand that BF do things for him nor feel entitled to what his father has earned by his own hard work.  SS should get  a damn job, get his own car and contribute to his own life.  DH should be kissing her ass for a month of Sundays for treating her like he did.

    Quoting macbudsmom:

    Your husband is supporting and raising your 2 kids he has no obligation to and you have the nerve to suggest that it is wrong that he helps his son and that the son seems to have a sense of entitlement??? His SON is entitled to his father's love and support. It is not the child's fault his mother ran off with him.


    Quoting TheMomOf3-00:

    DH is #1 income. He makes the money, he supports. I run a horse rescue in my spare time.

    After we talked lastnight he has come to understand how I feel we are being used, he said to me that he cant help but try to please because for 19 years he did not p ay for SS.

    I said tough, if SS felt that way once he turned 18 he had the chance to take DH for Cunpaid child support and SS did not choose to do that, instead he moves in and expects the world!!!



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