Stepmom Central

How is it selfish for DF to take the time with dd that's in the CO.
September 22, 2012 at 4:06 PM

 My DF hasn't had his daughter for any holidays, since he left BM when their dd was 3 1/2 year old, until this year (she is 6 now). BM took her for all holidays and DF had to find other days to celebrate the holiday on.  during those 2 1/2 years he never had his dd on her birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, fourth of july,  nothing. This isn't all BM's fault, DF was ignorant of his rights and BM simply took advantage of that.  Now that DF has recognized his rights and gone to court to make sure everything is in place, he is ready to start having some Holidays with his dd.  Now BM is all over him telling him it is selfish of him to take any of these holidays.  For example he gets their dd for Christmas Eve time period this year.  From noon on December 22nd until 10: a.m. on Christmas morning.  BM says that DF is being selfish and not doing what is best for their dd because she will want to wake up in her own bed Christmas morning.  She says he is being selfish because he gets her for Thanksgiving this year from 8 a.m. - 8 p.m. and that she should see both sides of her family on Thanksgiving (Where was that logic for the past two and a half years when she never got to even see her on dad, let alone his side of the family, on thanksgiving?!).  He has her for her birthday next year (BM had her for her birthday this past year and DF didn't get to see her because it was on BM's time) and now suddenly he's being a jerk and according to her he doesnt want to work together and doesnt have their dd's best interest at hear because he is planning on having his dd for her birthday. 

So according to her, it wasn't selfish of her, it wasn't outside the best interest of their dd, she wasn't being a jerk, when for the past 2 1/2 YEARS she kept their daughter from her father on every single holiday and birthday.  But now when DF wants to take advantage of half of the Holidays a year, she is throwing a fit and saying that he is a jerk, not putting their dd's best interest first and being selfish. Where is the logic in that!?

She's also pissed because he is going to take all 6 weeks of his summer parenting time next summer and because one of the blocks of parenting time is going to be 2 weeks long. She says "you're taking her from me for 2 weeks and makin it so i cant even see her on her birthday!"  He said "you have her for 2 weeks at a time all the time and I didn't see her on her birthday this year because it was your year for her birthday, what's the difference?". I just dont get this woman.  She is so self righteous and indignant when saying that suff, but she did all that and MORE to him. He's not doing this stuff to piss her off, he's taking advantage of his time with his daughter, to spend time with her and build memories and a relationship with her.


  • dawnnamarie
    September 22, 2012 at 4:41 PM
    Beware Hun.... Your getting ready to experience a shit show like you've never seen before. If she's being difficult about following the co, she will be difficult about everything. Good luck. Don't let it get to you, and try to keep back as much as possible of you and bm dont already have a good relationship.
  • mrsboomtastic
    September 22, 2012 at 4:52 PM
    I wouldn't give her any argument. Court order is court clearly judge seen it fare
  • Pero1
    by Pero1
    September 22, 2012 at 6:56 PM

    No, it's not selfish ... that said, we split Christmas into Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, don't celebrate Thanksgiving or 4th of July (so that's easy) ... but if we wanted to (and that's NEVER happened in 6 years) I'm sure we'd let each other see DD on her birthday or Easter

  • Mrs_Nelson
    September 22, 2012 at 7:00 PM
    Its not. Bm needs to get used to the idea but hopefully she will calm down.
  • Pumpkinbean
    September 22, 2012 at 7:01 PM
    Me and my ex used to split holidays and then realized that 2 thanksgiving dinners in one day and two Christmas dinners in one day isn't fair to the kids. Now we just adjust. The kids are with one of us that day, and the other will do Thanksgiving that Sat/Sun. Same with Christmas. The kids enjoy it more and so do we. Maybe they could try something like this?
  • TempestRayne
    September 22, 2012 at 7:24 PM
    Quoting mrsboomtastic:

    I wouldn't give her any argument. Court order is court clearly judge seen it fare

  • ConfusedStep
    September 22, 2012 at 7:43 PM

    Good luck, you are in a tough situation. Just remember that court order sets the limits and that it needs to be followed. If she doesn't follow the court order there is always filing for contempt. It maybe a shitty thing to do but it will possibly knock some sense into her.

  • savingtheworld
    September 22, 2012 at 7:58 PM
    If for best interest for the kids, y don't they split the holiday/ birthday? The child deserves to spend that special day with both parents..
  • EricaG87
    September 22, 2012 at 11:10 PM

    We dont split the holiday or birthday because as for holidays we both have a lot of family and are at several dinners/celebrations throughout the day, we need the whole day with her on Holidays that we have her. And as for Birthdays we want to tak her somewhere and do something fun with her on her birthdays that we have her and make a day out of it. 

  • angelmommy2806
    September 22, 2012 at 11:14 PM

    It'll take time for her to let it all sink in if she's gone this long without any CO. Ignore it because the CO is in place and she Can get in trouble for not abiding by it. There will surely be more things to worry about down the road.

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