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MISSYB01
I NEED TO GROW SOME!
September 20, 2012 at 11:39 AM

So it's almost step daughter's open house tonight.....she's is with her mother this week....My fiance said you're  going with me! I don't want to go...I don't want to see his ex wife...I don't know why i'm such a baby about it....she left him for another guy and we've been together almost two years getting married in May...Any advice other then grow some?? I just know I will be really nervous and I don't want her to see that...that's my biggest thing......but why do I react this why to her?

Replies

  • MomGoingCrazy78
    September 20, 2012 at 5:34 PM

    I would go, but then again, I have made ALL of my SD's open houses at her schools. Why did I go? Because DH asked me to and so did SD. I am very active in her school life though. I take her to school, pick up at times when she doesn't ride the bus, help with homework and projects, I have been the first point of contact from the school is something happens to SD.

    It depends on the amount of involvement YOU want with her. Some SP's just aren't that involved, not saying that it's wrong, they just choose not to be. Some SP's are very active in their SK's lives. It's up to you and your fiance.

    I used to be uncomfortable being around BM just because neither of us really knew the other one and just didn't want to be around each other. Now tonight we are meeting her family at a "family fun night" held in our town so that SD can also spend time with DH and my kids! If you had told me 5 years ago that was going to happen, I'd say Yeah, right- when pigs fly!! 

  • sandeeyo
    September 20, 2012 at 5:35 PM


    Quoting MISSYB01:

    I know deep down I have to go.....I just have to do it

    Why not make it a date night?  Get sorta dressed up and go have dinner and see a movie afterwards! :-)

    BM:  Hi! I'm BM.  Nice dress!

    You:  Hi!  Nice meeting you...thanks!  We're going to dinner and see a movie after.  Thought we'd just make a night of it and all...you know how it goes!

    She'll be green with envy! LMAO  (that's how I always picture things when I have to go do stuff that BM's involved with)

  • packermomof2
    September 20, 2012 at 5:54 PM


    Quoting MomGoingCrazy78:


    It depends on the amount of involvement YOU want with her. Some SP's just aren't that involved, not saying that it's wrong, they just choose not to be. Some SP's are very active in their SK's lives. It's up to you and your fiance.

    I disagree with this.  I think both parents get to decide how involved a SP is in things outside the house (and even in the house if there are boundaries that are crossed or the parent feels strongly about something).  Sps should not be the deciding factor on how much involvement works for them unless it is how uninvolved they want to be - if they don't want to be involved, fine, no parent should try to make them.  But if they want to be uber involved and one parent doesn't feel it is necessary there is no excuse good enough (even if the kid is being used as the excuse) to show up when you're not really needed just because you want to.


  • whatIknownow
    September 20, 2012 at 7:48 PM

    I just can't imagine a father needing "support" to go to a back to school night. I mean it's not that traumatic.

    I would wonder about his emotional stabilty. Is he mentally ill?

  • momof2ex1
    September 20, 2012 at 9:51 PM
    Lmao!! Or he still has some 'feelings'...


    Quoting whatIknownow:

    I just can't imagine a father needing "support" to go to a back to school night. I mean it's not that traumatic.

    I would wonder about his emotional stabilty. Is he mentally ill?


  • jessiesluv
    September 20, 2012 at 9:52 PM

    Just be cordial, say hi and avoid her the rest of the time. lol

  • MomGoingCrazy78
    September 20, 2012 at 10:15 PM

    As I disagree that BM has much say in anything that BD and SM do or don't do. If BD wants SM involved, then so be it. BM has no control over what BD does on his time, if he wants to bring SM (or fiance) to an open house, then BM doesn't have the "authority" over BD to tell him no. BM feels uncomfortable? Well she's gonna have to get used to the almost SM and vice versa, almost SM is going to have to get used to BM.

    BD doesn't get a say in what BM does: BM doesn't get a say in what BD does.

    Oh, BM can gripe all she wants (or BD can gripe about a SF if that was the case), but that doesn't really hold all that much weight in the big picture. In this case it's BD and fiance, what goes on in their house or outside of the house with involvement with SD is really up to BD, not BM.

    We see things differently, no real surprise there.

    Quoting packermomof2:


    Quoting MomGoingCrazy78:


    It depends on the amount of involvement YOU want with her. Some SP's just aren't that involved, not saying that it's wrong, they just choose not to be. Some SP's are very active in their SK's lives. It's up to you and your fiance.

    I disagree with this.  I think both parents get to decide how involved a SP is in things outside the house (and even in the house if there are boundaries that are crossed or the parent feels strongly about something).  Sps should not be the deciding factor on how much involvement works for them unless it is how uninvolved they want to be - if they don't want to be involved, fine, no parent should try to make them.  But if they want to be uber involved and one parent doesn't feel it is necessary there is no excuse good enough (even if the kid is being used as the excuse) to show up when you're not really needed just because you want to.



  • packermomof2
    September 20, 2012 at 11:00 PM


    Quoting MomGoingCrazy78:

    As I disagree that BM has much say in anything that BD and SM do or don't do. If BD wants SM involved, then so be it. BM has no control over what BD does on his time, if he wants to bring SM (or fiance) to an open house, then BM doesn't have the "authority" over BD to tell him no. BM feels uncomfortable? Well she's gonna have to get used to the almost SM and vice versa, almost SM is going to have to get used to BM.

    BD doesn't get a say in what BM does: BM doesn't get a say in what BD does.

    Oh, BM can gripe all she wants (or BD can gripe about a SF if that was the case), but that doesn't really hold all that much weight in the big picture. In this case it's BD and fiance, what goes on in their house or outside of the house with involvement with SD is really up to BD, not BM.

    It isn't about whose time it is, it is about the fact that there are two parents and both should have some say in whether or not they feel overinvolvement on the part of their ex's spouse is necessary.  So many SM's like to talk about the fact that there are two parents... but the forget that when the other parent has a voice in something they don't feel the SP needs to be involved in... at that moment it is ALL about what dad says or wants... screw mom.
    But the reality of it is is that in most situations the kids will be fine without the SP overinvolvment and most parents realize that even if one parent doesn't get it and feels that there is nothing wrong with allowing their spouse to overstep the other parents boundaries where the kids are concerned. 
    Decent parents listen to each other and not force their spouse on the OP just because they can't walk around a school alone at an Open House.
  • MomGoingCrazy78
    September 21, 2012 at 10:57 AM

    Yes there are 2 parents who are involved, but that still doesn't mean that BD can't bring his fiance to an open house just like it doesn't mean that BM can't bring her boyfriend to the open house. IF BD wants his fiance there, then that is his right to ask her to go, BM doesn't have a say in that. Just like if BM wants her boyfriend, fiance, or SF(whatever he may be) to go with her, then BD doesn't have a say in that either.

    This has nothing to do about the kid will be just fine without SP's involvement, this is about the fact that BD has asked fiance to go with him, which he has every right to do. Bm doesn't have a right to say who can and can't go with BD to an open house or anywhere else with him for that matter, she lost that right when they divorced.  BM wants to get mad about him bringing fiance? So what, she can get glad in the same pants she got mad in (as my grandma used to say).

    Quoting packermomof2:

     

    Quoting MomGoingCrazy78:

    As I disagree that BM has much say in anything that BD and SM do or don't do. If BD wants SM involved, then so be it. BM has no control over what BD does on his time, if he wants to bring SM (or fiance) to an open house, then BM doesn't have the "authority" over BD to tell him no. BM feels uncomfortable? Well she's gonna have to get used to the almost SM and vice versa, almost SM is going to have to get used to BM.

    BD doesn't get a say in what BM does: BM doesn't get a say in what BD does.

    Oh, BM can gripe all she wants (or BD can gripe about a SF if that was the case), but that doesn't really hold all that much weight in the big picture. In this case it's BD and fiance, what goes on in their house or outside of the house with involvement with SD is really up to BD, not BM.

    It isn't about whose time it is, it is about the fact that there are two parents and both should have some say in whether or not they feel overinvolvement on the part of their ex's spouse is necessary.  So many SM's like to talk about the fact that there are two parents... but the forget that when the other parent has a voice in something they don't feel the SP needs to be involved in... at that moment it is ALL about what dad says or wants... screw mom.
    But the reality of it is is that in most situations the kids will be fine without the SP overinvolvment and most parents realize that even if one parent doesn't get it and feels that there is nothing wrong with allowing their spouse to overstep the other parents boundaries where the kids are concerned. 
    Decent parents listen to each other and not force their spouse on the OP just because they can't walk around a school alone at an Open House.


  • MISSYB01
    September 21, 2012 at 12:46 PM

    So I grew some!!! and decided to go!!! I felt that my fiance needed the support!! again he doesn't like being around a lot of people (and he doesn't have a mental illness) to the idiot that said that by the way! idk think whatever you want. So the Bm didn't even show!!! almost sd's grandparents brought her. I guess someone "broke into their house" and Bm had to wait for the police to get there and couldn't show. I wonder if the house was really broken into?? I was like I got all nervous for nothing!!!!! I'm moving forward from here...I have to start seeing her sometime...its going to happen inevitably.

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