Divorce & Starting Over

GraLauJon
Pro Bono Divorce Attorneys
November 18, 2012 at 10:54 AM

Im finally looking up pro bono divorce attys for myself.  This is ridiculous.  My stbx wants to get away with murder. really, i am haggling with someone who is very cunning and shrewd.   i have no idea what i can ask for thru the law and i am not good at reading all that legal mumbo jumbo and trying to understand it on my own.  It is simply not my forte.  and i dont want to mess myself over.  I was told by an atty of a friend that there arent any in town but i am looking online and there are pro bono divorce laywers in the city.  I am going with the attitude of, "when there is a will there is a way."   and i am letting at least 3 other older women's voices resound in my head to make sure i get help with this b/c they knew my stbx's personality and how he only looks out for #1.   for example, I can ask for lifelong alimony and even if i can only get it for a certain amt of time there doesnt seem to be a set amt we have to settle on, not like with the kids cs amts.  i made a proposal and he doesnt want to go with it.  he also wont give me a tad more in joint legal custody.  I need help!

I will let y'all know how it goes. 

Replies

  • zebra556
    November 18, 2012 at 1:35 PM
    I do wish you more than luck. As you know I have been dealing with a cunning, shrewd man also. No fairness. And I have a lawyer who has filed appropriate motions. It has not gone well for me so far. I have lost faith in the court system. I am dealing with a clever dishonest stbx that is difficult to expose, though my lawyer is trying.
  • GraLauJon
    November 18, 2012 at 5:27 PM

    it is hard to deal with court right now b/c they are favoring men. have you seen all the publicity with that actress whose european H was awarded custody of their two kids - in EUROPE?  by an American judge?!   he "lost his visa"  somehow but the courts wont question it.  she is mortified.  and beyond distraught.  she is starting to expose the family law system by doing interviews now.  Its not just you, its alot of us who are getting pushed aside all for the sake of men getting "fair treatment" ... forget the kids.

  • zebra556
    November 18, 2012 at 5:50 PM
    Fair treatment? We are getting dumped on and buried alive. Lost is Visa.
  • GraLauJon
    November 18, 2012 at 5:55 PM

    i have been shocked at how many women back men, too.  really.  my stbx is very abusive and needs to be on meds and the kids female atty repping them when i told her he refuses to take his meds looked me square inthe eye and said, "so?"  but i know women who take their meds and STILL get their kids taken away from them. and my kids' atty told their dad to do whatever it takes to win the kids affection, so to go ahead and buy them out....

  • RLSMOM59
    November 18, 2012 at 7:02 PM

    I was able to agree to some stuff and let the judge determine the other. You have to stop it at some point or it becomes frustrating. and I think you are at that point. Contact the judges assistant and ask about a final hearng date because you have come to a stalemate at settlement. She will be able to direct you some. Hopefully you are putting everything in writing for the settlement. Next question are you using a mediator to discuss the settlement? If not, the next time make an appointment and use them, they will keep you on track and write it all down. She/he will type it up and present it and it become legal. That's what we had to do and what ever was not agreed upon went to the judge.

  • GraLauJon
    November 18, 2012 at 7:06 PM

    the mediator works with the kids custody arrangments, not the finances. and she made that very clear.  the attys just charged us to do nothing.....and now we are trying to use a paralegal to finish things off. BUT, i keep getting a bad feeling and one is to not just sign hastily. I know i have comprehension problems. my stbx does this for a living. i have tried to seek out help but i am just bumping into walls.  i didnt know the judge had an assistant?

  • RLSMOM59
    November 18, 2012 at 7:17 PM

    Ask that mediator for a reference to help you and your STBX with the settlement. The judges assistant (JA) schedules his appointments and does the office work. She is not allow to answer "legal" question but you can call to and ask "we are at a standstill with our settlement agreement, can I get a hearing for final disposition or do we have to come to full agreement" The courthouse should have a pro bono office too - they will explain the forms to you or you may get lucky to find help there. I know my courthouse has one.

    Quoting GraLauJon:

    the mediator works with the kids custody arrangments, not the finances. and she made that very clear.  the attys just charged us to do nothing.....and now we are trying to use a paralegal to finish things off. BUT, i keep getting a bad feeling and one is to not just sign hastily. I know i have comprehension problems. my stbx does this for a living. i have tried to seek out help but i am just bumping into walls.  i didnt know the judge had an assistant?


  • zebra556
    November 18, 2012 at 9:23 PM
    I am sorry about what I am hearing about the attorney ( adlitem) the kids have. They try to be fair and neutral and consider the children. How did you hear what she told their dad? That is quite troubling for her to say buy their affection.
  • GraLauJon
    November 19, 2012 at 1:18 PM


    Quoting zebra556:

    I am sorry about what I am hearing about the attorney ( adlitem) the kids have. They try to be fair and neutral and consider the children. How did you hear what she told their dad? That is quite troubling for her to say buy their affection.

    B/c i was sitting with them in the hallway of the courthouse and woking out visitiation plans all of us together and i asked her if that wasnt an improper way to handle things and she said no. then she looked him square in the eye and said "you do whatever you have to."  pffft.  then she said, "i want to see what the kids are like with you without mom around."    Well, he never wanted to do things with them before he moved out.  So bad that my son would cry and beg for him to come home instead of go out and party and when i would call his dad at work he did not want to speak to our son and would say to me, "dont tell me, i dont want to know."  Then he would hang up on me and we wouldnt see him for days b/c he slept over at other ppl's houses during the work week.

    so yes it would be a new challenege....especially seeing that he was an unmedicated bipolar who drove like a bat outta hell and got tickets and told police officers off, etc.  i told the ad litem that too about him being unmedicated and dangerous. she just looked at me and said, "so?"  Now mind you, while i am speaking to her in the hallway with the stbx women kept passing by cussing her out!  no joke.  she just looked like they were acting weird and rolled her eyes....b/c she is notorious (I found out) for taking kids away from mom and handing them over to dad.  My friend from the MOMS Club had the same happen to her b/c her ex was getting drunk and physically abusing the kids.  my friend had 70% custody and she filed a complaint. the ex she says admitted to doing it and then he got awarded 50% custody after that!   my friend said, "i shoulda never said anything at all.  the abuse got worse b/c the step sister started in on her girls and my friend said, "i just want my kids back." 

    So....when i met with a paralegal this year i was telling him about it and he asked, "Who is it?"  when i said the ad litems name he started nodding his head and laffing.  he said, "stay away from her."  well, ya, that is why i backed off the court system up here.  I also overheard someone at a chrio ofc i was taking my dd to saying how their grandchild had to have supervised visits and what a joke it is up here.  we were going to do that, too, but we decided not to.   we are also known as being the child abuse and meth capital of our state.  makes me literally ill to know that ppl are the negligent.   


  • zebra556
    November 19, 2012 at 3:40 PM
    Where r u? What exactly r u looking for in visitation and how old r and how many kids do you have. Forgive me, I'm sure you said. All you have said about the dad points to sole custody, unless you guys can communicate. Seems that is the big factor in giving sole custody to one parent. The op can abuse, can have many issues, but if they can communicate with the cp, well than joint custody is in order. That is what I have learned. I am talking minimum joint legal, which is decision making. No matter if the two parents disagree on the manner of parenting and most everything else that pertains to the child. Are the courts and those involved freaking crazy? Yep, that has been my experience. Sorry have to drive kiddos, have to end

Divorce & Starting Over

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts