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Jebekarue
What are you thoughts on....kinda long
January 20, 2013 at 3:54 PM

I have a friend who (is living with us and her 2 kids).  She is on disability and food stamps (no CS yet) her kids are teens.  My friends parents who are disabled (dad stroke, mom almost blind) moved out to Colorado (from FL) to live NEAR their "more well off and favorite daughter".  Well things did not work out the way they had planned as their daughter did not have time to help take care of them and they can't stand the cold.  So the well off daughter has paid for an airplane ticket for my friend to fly out there and pick up the parents and drive back here for them to live together again.  The parents between both of them make over 3000 a month. 

So my friend who cannot work because of RA and bone on bone spine was told that even though she would be responsible for all the chores, taking them to the dr, going to the store, and anything else that might come up she has to pay 1/2 of everything. 

She makes just over 800 a month on disability.  That is why she is living with us, she cannot afford to live on her own with her kids. 

Now while I am a firm believer in if your healthy, abled bodied, you work a minimum wage job yada yada yada if your gonna live with your parents I think you should help out with chores and stuff and help with the bills etc. 

She wants to try to get a car of her own, because she isn't sure if her parents will let her use the car outside of their needs. 

She is greatful beyond words that her parents are moving back, and she will finally have her own place so to speak. 

Her half of the bills would come to around 600 a month.  (including cable that she DOES NOT want, but dad has to have).  that leaves her a little over 200 a month to buy the things she and her kids need plus meds and dr visits and her cell phone. 

Not to mention when they move back in she has to buy beds for her and the kids, dressers and linens. 

Not a rant or bitching just saying what is going on and wanting thoughts on the situation.

Update: 

I don't know whether to believe her or not about all the things her mother is saying she is going to have to do.  I just can't see a parent being so demanding, blind, uncaring I could go on (oh I know there are some out there).  Either her mother is really just a hateful spiteful bitch or she really is clueless about what kind of money she gets every month. 

She told me some more today after she talked to her mother, now she is twisting it around that they are moving back to help HER because she is a lazy ass and got herself into this mess and can't dig her own self out.  Sorry not much you can do with less than 900 a month.  She is already making herself sick over it, I almost told her not to do it and stay with us.  I am already at my wits end.  We are on week 2 of the flu running thru the house.  DH has it now.  I am tired, no scratch that, I am exhausted!!!  I cant take it anymore but I hate the thought of her mother treating her like that and her already being ready to kill her, or her having to go to Lakeview (mental health) because she can't take the stress.  I don't know how much to believe, if she is saying it to get attention, for me to feel pity for her or what.  arrgghhhh

Replies

  • TexasMami409
    January 20, 2013 at 4:01 PM
    Tough situation! I think the "well off sister" is expecting wayyyy too much of your friend, who can barely take care of herself (financially and physically)
  • Jebekarue
    January 20, 2013 at 4:19 PM

    It was the parents idea to move to CO, and also their idea to move back here because the other daughter couldn't/wouldn't take care of them.

    If they think they are moving back to help her while she is helping them, I think them forcing her to pay half of everything is a bit much especially on her income.  I don't know what kind of debt they have that they couldn't pay all the bills with 3k a month, hell I could do alot with 3k a month and still have alot left over. 

  • EireLass
    January 20, 2013 at 7:05 PM

    Either she has not read and understood the SSDI system, or she's not telling you the truth. She get's what she gets. Her children will also be getting money each month. They should all be recieving health insurance, free. All her meds should be free. She should also be recieving SSI in addition to her SSDI. She also qualifies for in-home care because of her health.

  • cherylam
    January 20, 2013 at 7:20 PM



    Quoting EireLass:

    Either she has not read and understood the SSDI system, or she's not telling you the truth. She get's what she gets. Her children will also be getting money each month. They should all be recieving health insurance, free. All her meds should be free. She should also be recieving SSI in addition to her SSDI. She also qualifies for in-home care because of her health.


    Um, I have RA. I can barely walk and have had both knees replaced twice and am now looking at hip replacement.  I do get SSD & Medicare, if that's what you're talking about, but there is no 'in home health care ' that Medicare provides.  I've asked.  I pay for my medications through private insurance and thus dodge the dreaded 'doughnut hole'.  The amount you can draw is directly related to how much you've paid in.  My son-in-law, who is severely disabled with Parkinsons, has my grandkids SSI included with his, and it's not much, because he bacame disabled at a young age.  It also is directly related to how much he paid in. He tried to draw more for my grand daughter, and they just divided his sons SSI in half to cover both kids.  The kids are on Medicaid, or here in Michigan, more commonly known as MIchild.

  • Jebekarue
    January 20, 2013 at 7:28 PM

    Her rx are covered, but she pays a small copay for them.  Her children get a VERY small check thats why she gets a little over 800 a month.  The kids are on medicaid also. 

    I was referring to the medical expenses of her parents that I wasn't sure how much they have to pay out as to why they would still expect her to pay half of everything. I do know alot of rx are very expensive depending on what it is and even with medicare, some of the copays can still be several hundred dollars. 

  • GELiz
    by GELiz
    January 20, 2013 at 7:30 PM

    Well, it may be a better situation than the one she has right now. And then there is room for improvement. Where we live we have places where you can go to get furniture and stuff really cheap. The teens can help with the chores. And they can look for jobs maybe.  Perhaps if she speaks to the parents, they can pay for house cleaning once a month or something to give her a break. I think it is doable.

    We do not have more than 300 a month to work with for extras. We do not go out to eat very often, and our clothes are not what many people would wear. But with a lot of hard work and saving and saying no, we have been able to make improvements.

    Does she belong to a church? Our church body is a great place to ask for some assistance when times are tough.


  • cherokeegoddess
    January 20, 2013 at 7:38 PM

    isn't she able to receive some kind of housing assistance?  i totally sympathize with her. i wish her the best of luck and hopefully she'll find a solution to her problem.

  • Jebekarue
    January 20, 2013 at 7:42 PM



    Quoting GELiz:

    Well, it may be a better situation than the one she has right now. And then there is room for improvement. Where we live we have places where you can go to get furniture and stuff really cheap. The teens can help with the chores. And they can look for jobs maybe.  Perhaps if she speaks to the parents, they can pay for house cleaning once a month or something to give her a break. I think it is doable.

    We do not have more than 300 a month to work with for extras. We do not go out to eat very often, and our clothes are not what many people would wear. But with a lot of hard work and saving and saying no, we have been able to make improvements.

    Does she belong to a church? Our church body is a great place to ask for some assistance when times are tough.


    The chore thing kinda rubs me wrong right now, before she "took to the bed" she would do the kids chores so they wouldnt have too.  Her excuse is that oh they have had such a hard life, I don't want to make them do the chores.  or I would rather just do it myself than argue with them. 

    For almost a month now she has been laid up in the damn bed and every few days its some other complaint.  Her son got a cold so now she has one.  She got mad cause I had a blow up at all the kids for not doing anything to help around the house.  I mean I understand I do not work outside the home right now but there is no F'n reason why any of the kids cannot pick up after themselves.  Bring the dirty dishes to the sink, pick up their dirty clothes and put them in the hamper or laundry room etc. 

    I am in the living area of the house every day, I don't go close myself up in my bedroom to make the world go away.  I see who does what and when.  And her daughter starts boohooing and gets angry and upset that I included her in my bash session to all the kids saying that she does help. I was pissed and like whatever.  

    anyway, I don't know how all that is going to work out, more than likely her almost 16 yr old is going to end up doing all the chores, but she is in high school and in ROTC and has after school obligations with that. And forget the 13 yr old, he is as lazy as they come.  Not that my kids are perfect mind you but before they moved in my kids at least did their chores.


  • snowbear74
    January 20, 2013 at 7:48 PM

    It alls depends on the state you live in and what form of social security she gets not every one is quailified for both SSI/SSDI.also there are copays on meds and dr visits all depending on what type of scial security she gets,my sister received disabilty she was drawing off my deceased dads SSI(she was declared disabled as well) she got only a little over $800 a month. because she was drawing off of his she received medicare and had to get a copay insurance for her meds and dr appts in which she still had to pay so much on meds and drs appts which wasnt much at all. My hubby gets disability(he didnt work enough quarters but was deemed disabled) and doesnt get that much and our kids dont receive any money(he gets medicaid and still has to pay a copay on meds only). because he couldnt work enough quarters.Also for the in home care it depends on the state. in WV its not covered.some states give you like stimulus packages to go with your SSI/SSDI.so its not the same for all states.

    as for her living with her parents if they all live together their income can also be cut.again it all depends on the type.now in some states if she is disabled and lives with just her kids she can get state help such as medical for the kids,foodstamsp and cash assistance(if she doenst receive over what their guidelines are).she can make it on what she gets. It may not be ideal but she can get on the waiting list for hud and get government housing(so can her parents they can live in apartments for the elderly).So she can afford to live on her own with her kids she just needs to know what resources she is allowed since she has kids and is disabled.she better call social security and see if her income will be cut down if they all live together in which it most likely will and her foodstamps she will get those cut or possibly lose because they go by income in the home.

    Quoting EireLass:

    Either she has not read and understood the SSDI system, or she's not telling you the truth. She get's what she gets. Her children will also be getting money each month. They should all be recieving health insurance, free. All her meds should be free. She should also be recieving SSI in addition to her SSDI. She also qualifies for in-home care because of her health.


  • lazyd
    by lazyd
    January 20, 2013 at 7:54 PM

    Im sorry for your friend.  How much does she pay you for rent, utilities, etc?  If nothing...than you are the best friend in the world!  If you guys have the space, i would continue to let her live with you.  I would NOT pay half of the rent, utilities, etc....especially since she is going to be her parents caregiver.  She should charge them cuz being a caregiver is a job!  (even if it is family)  And than that should be deducted from the $600.  I could understand that the parents are going to have to get a house and have a mortgage, but with today's housing prices and interest rates, they would have a pretty cheap mortgage.  And I understand that maybe these parents want to save up so they have money to live when they are even older....but i wouldnt go live with my parents, especially since they are disabled and I was disabled and take care of them if they were going to charge me rent!  Maybe your friend needs to pay certain bills directly, like the energy/gas bill and for food, but she shouldnt be responsible for the mortgage, etc, especially not the cable if she's not the one who wants it, although i know her teenagers will!  I wouldnt just hand my parents cash, cuz even if they are "entitled" to it, god knows what they are truly doing with it and they could end up NOT payin bills and than become homeless or somethin.  Will your friend be gettin CS any time soon??       

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