Homeschooling Moms

Featured Posts
KickButtMama
Maybe I'm just not with it?
April 15 at 11:53 AM

I am still getting over my shock at some discussion that went down during lunch break at out local co-op last week. A few of the moms used to be public school teachers. Well one said there is nothing like 'peer punnishment' to get a point across to a child. That the adults can try to intervene and meet out punishments but they will never be as effective as if the peer group does it. She was saying that if they didn't like the behavior of a child they would walk away and let that child receive "peer punishment" - if that involved a hit, then so be it. She claimed that a large problem with the youth of today was that parents/teachers intervene and mediate.....am I just out of touch, or does that seem strange? I think it's important for adults to mediate some of the time - to show kids alternatives of violence. If kids seem to be able to work out problems without violence then let them, but if a punch or kick is to be thrown then I think that's bad. Am I wrong? What do you think?

Replies

  • bluerooffarm
    April 15 at 12:19 PM

    Nope!  That is not okay at all!!!  It has gotten so much worse too, the local PS uses "group punishment" to kind of poke the kids into peer punishing.  In our elementary school if more than 10% of the class loses the recess privilieges, the whole classes loses them.  That makes the kids take it into their own hands.  It was one of the reasons I pulled my oldest out.  That was ridiculous!

  • Jinx-Troublex3
    April 15 at 12:26 PM
    I totally see both sides of this one.
    Right now we have a bully in our boy scout Troop. He talks all yes sir/ma'am to the adults faces but sneaks off and will hit the younger kids and say,"oh, sorry@@" or "oh.I was just playing.." ..no, you are a bully, twice the size of most of the other boys and they hate you. He thinks because he is one of the older higher ranked boys he will be Senoir Patrol Leader. NOT happening..we are on to him! We had a sit down with him Saturday and obviously it didnt kick in @@ He is going to be very upset when we put an 11yo, who has his stuff together, in the #1 leadership spot!

    Someone givng him a dose of his own medicine, one of the "little guys" would really drive it home!

    Yes, 98% of the time, adult intervention is a positive. This kid has his mind made up and only one of the littles kickng his ass will change it. I would never tell them to do it but I wouldnt be upset or surprised when it happens.

    "Natural consequences" and all that.
  • KickButtMama
    April 15 at 1:00 PM

    See I can understand the frustration. But I know that a victim snapping can cause severe damage to the bully, and the victim could face criminal charges. Children as young as 8 have been tried as adults. It takes just hitting in the right spot, or the right way, and the person can die. It's called a 1 punch homicide. I think back to when 'peer punishment' was more accepted, back in our generation. My family was bullied (my brothers and I) mostly because we came from a severely abusive home and took it. When I was in 7th grade, and one of my brothers was at a different school in 8th grade, we both snapped, in the same week. I broke my bully's nose and cheekbone. My brother threw his bully through a plate glass window. The child almost died from blood loss. The only reason we didn't face charges was because we had both been begging for adult assistance, nearly every day, for months. I in no way condone bullying, but I don't condone the type of violence we did in reaction either. I blame the adults for not giving us assistance when it was asked for. 

    My father signed me up for karate the next day, and put me in a small private school for a year. When I went back to public school I had this bizzare popularity as a tough chick. I went from the "church lady" the one alienated and bullied, but where the bullying was an insignificant part of the trauma in my life. That when I came back and everyone knew my name I was really confused. 

    Quoting Jinx-Troublex3: I totally see both sides of this one. Right now we have a bully in our boy scout Troop. He talks all yes sir/ma'am to the adults faces but sneaks off and will hit the younger kids and say,"oh, sorry@@" or "oh.I was just playing.." ..no, you are a bully, twice the size of most of the other boys and they hate you. He thinks because he is one of the older higher ranked boys he will be Senoir Patrol Leader. NOT happening..we are on to him! We had a sit down with him Saturday and obviously it didnt kick in @@ He is going to be very upset when we put an 11yo, who has his stuff together, in the #1 leadership spot! Someone givng him a dose of his own medicine, one of the "little guys" would really drive it home! Yes, 98% of the time, adult intervention is a positive. This kid has his mind made up and only one of the littles kickng his ass will change it. I would never tell them to do it but I wouldnt be upset or surprised when it happens. "Natural consequences" and all that.


  • Jinx-Troublex3
    April 15 at 1:12 PM
    I totally get you. I was.also the quiet good kid that took the crap.so as not to get myself in trouble. Now I look back and think, "what if I had stood up for myself just once?"

    That is another reason all my kids and I did/do martial arts now. They teach the kids to walk away when you can, but also be prepared for when you can't.

    I also think, if kids are allowed to work out small skirmishes without adults intervention, it would stop some of the bigger ones form building up to explode.
  • Precious333
    April 15 at 1:18 PM
    It may be effective, but is it beneficial to anyone? I dont think so!
  • debramommyof4
    April 15 at 1:19 PM
    I agree with you. There are times when the kids have to be physical. I try to teach my kids to use violence as a last resort.

    If I am not there and they are cornered and have tried everything else then they are allowed to get physical.

    But if I am present I step in and keep things from getting physical. It is not right if you can give them an option to get out of it without getting physical.
  • craftyzenmom
    April 15 at 1:55 PM

    Big topic right now at our house with my 8th graders. They are doing a novel unit with the book "Epic" and themes of "justified violence" and a world without any violence are central to the book. We've just started and are pulling in 3 other 7/8th graders to do it along with us- should be very interesting to hear their perspective. One of my twin boys was bullied to the point of being tazed until he wet his pants, the kids in the class didn't like the fact that he shared his life experiences and was extremely bright. So we came home.

  • hwblyf
    by hwblyf
    April 15 at 2:04 PM

    Ok, so I am totally against a teacher allowing violence.  That said, if my 4th hands my oldest his ass, maybe he'll frickin' learn to stop entering a room and just smacking someone.  Cuz timeouts aren't working.  Intervention means more than punishment.  Discipline is the learning of something.  The study.  Some kids, my oldest in particular, are very bad at social.  Social cues, social interaction, social rules.  That is his number one, please someone teach me this, area.  

  • ablackdolphin
    April 15 at 4:19 PM

    She would be better off as a person working at the local jail.  I mean gangs work on this type of system, she's love it there.

  • collinsmommy0
    April 15 at 6:25 PM
    I was a public school teacher for 6 years, private for 3, total of 4 schools (special Ed - they move you around a lot). I have never, ever seen or been involved in something like that.

    I have used, in my classroom, positive peer pressure - earning 'letters' that spell out a name of a movie then getting to watch that movie - so kids would say to other kids, 'hey, we are doing math, get your math book out so we all earn a letter!' Etc. That worked really well in my classrooms

Homeschooling Moms

Active Posts in All Groups
More Active Posts
Featured Posts in All Groups
More Featured Posts
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN