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bluerooffarm
I Said No!
November 19, 2013 at 2:55 PM

 Have you talked to your kids about "red flag" situations?  I have ordered the book "I Said No! A Kid to kid guide to keeping your private parts private"

I was wondering if this was a topic you ladies have done already.  How did you handle it?  What age did you start?  At this point my 6 and 8 year olds are beginning to really go out into the world: soccer practice by themselves, youth group meetings, etc.  I think it's time to start explaining the situations they could face and give them the tools to handle it.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Said-guide-keeping-private-parts/dp/1878076493/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384890629&sr=8-1&keywords=i+said+no+a+kic-to-kid+guide+to+keeping+your+private+parts+private

Replies

  • TidewaterClan
    November 19, 2013 at 3:08 PM
    We talked about this sort of thing from an early age. I've just been home a few years and I wanted my girls to know if a daycare worker or teacher wanted to touch or see them, or anything else that made them feel yucky, to say no & tell another nearby adult and then dh and I.

    My brother & I had a female babysitter when we were little who wanted to see us, then told us our parents would be upset & ashamed of us if we told them. I don't want my girls to fall prey to a predator like that, or worse, ever.
  • usmom3
    by usmom3
    BJ
    November 19, 2013 at 3:18 PM

     It is a topic that has been talked about with them all of their lives! I am a victim of molestation, rape & domestic abuse from a past relationship. So the talk about their bodies being their bodies & knowing to listen to that inner voice is very important to us for them!

  • Bleacheddecay
    November 19, 2013 at 3:19 PM

    I got a book online free, printed and started talking with my kids about this very early. I can't remember the exact ages. At that time we had a number of relatives and an ex I didn't trust at all. As a child I was grabbed several times so I was very interested in making sure my kids were informed and drilled about it. We didn't talk about "strangers" because it's so very rarely strangers, we talked about anyone.

  • bluerooffarm
    November 19, 2013 at 3:19 PM

     

    Quoting TidewaterClan:

    We talked about this sort of thing from an early age. I've just been home a few years and I wanted my girls to know if a daycare worker or teacher wanted to touch or see them, or anything else that made them feel yucky, to say no & tell another nearby adult and then dh and I.

    My brother & I had a female babysitter when we were little who wanted to see us, then told us our parents would be upset & ashamed of us if we told them. I don't want my girls to fall prey to a predator like that, or worse, ever.

     Yikes!  I probably would have started at a younger age with my kids if I had an experience like that.

    I did cover it a little when my oldest started PS, but that only lasted a little while and other than that my kids have never been with a babysitter or daycare provider (other than my parents, whom I trust completely!)  Now that they are out and about by themselves, I think it is a very important lesson to learn.

  • coala
    by coala
    November 19, 2013 at 3:20 PM

    We haven't read a book on this, yet.  I did have to have someone come and help me question my children regarding someone that we know.  I didn't know how to go about this and she specializes in this area.  She was able to talk to them one on one and explain what our private areas are and who they need to tell if something happens.  The girls still have the books that she left behind and talk about the conversation with her and that was in September.

    BTW the discussion came up clean.....Thank God!!

  • bluerooffarm
    November 19, 2013 at 3:28 PM

    That's really important.  I think that is really why I wanted to do this book with them.  We have done a book on Stanger Danger, but my oldest wants to go to his youth group and not have me there, he wants to go back with the dentist by himself, etc.  So it's time to really start looking at the whole situation, not just the strangers. 

    Quoting Bleacheddecay:

    I got a book online free, printed and started talking with my kids about this very early. I can't remember the exact ages. At that time we had a number of relatives and an ex I didn't trust at all. As a child I was grabbed several times so I was very interested in making sure my kids were informed and drilled about it. We didn't talk about "strangers" because it's so very rarely strangers, we talked about anyone.

     

  • bluerooffarm
    November 19, 2013 at 3:31 PM

     

    Quoting usmom3:

     It is a topic that has been talked about with them all of their lives! I am a victim of molestation, rape & domestic abuse from a past relationship. So the talk about their bodies being their bodies & knowing to listen to that inner voice is very important to us for them!

     We've talked about it before, but I really had no concrete way to explain things to them.  I'm hoping this book will spark some better conversations than we've had before.

    I was a rape victim (although I was an adult when it happened) I think I have kept them very close and tried to keep the lines of communication open, but I want to really be certain.

    How have you explained to them what is okay and not okay?

  • Dawn07
    by Dawn07
    November 19, 2013 at 3:50 PM
    I started talking about private parts being private around 3 going on 4. I started that young because I was molested at 4.
  • usmom3
    by usmom3
    BJ
    November 19, 2013 at 3:50 PM

     

    Quoting bluerooffarm:

     

    Quoting usmom3:

     It is a topic that has been talked about with them all of their lives! I am a victim of molestation, rape & domestic abuse from a past relationship. So the talk about their bodies being their bodies & knowing to listen to that inner voice is very important to us for them!

     We've talked about it before, but I really had no concrete way to explain things to them.  I'm hoping this book will spark some better conversations than we've had before.

    I was a rape victim (although I was an adult when it happened) I think I have kept them very close and tried to keep the lines of communication open, but I want to really be certain.

    How have you explained to them what is okay and not okay?

     I have told them that anything that makes them feel uncomfortable even if it seams innocent like a hug or a hand on the shoulder they have the right to step away & ask the person not to touch them! We don't make them give hugs or touch anyone we just ask them if they would like to give someone a hug or handshake! We want them to know to listen to their inner voices no matter what! In my experience every time my inner voice was screaming at me to stay away & I didn't listen something bad ended up happening to me! So I am a big advocate of listening to that!

  • hwblyf
    by hwblyf
    November 19, 2013 at 3:56 PM

    So you want to do it in a way that doesn't give them the willies and make them come sleep with you for the next 10 years, right?  :)  We talk about it from time to time, tidbits here and there.  I've always done the whole thing where they go with NO ONE unless we've said.  Yup, Grandma can't just come pick you up, I have to know about it.  No one gets you from school (when they were in school) unless we've told you about it.  When my 2nd was about 5, we were at the park and he was riding his bike on the sidewalk.  Out of arms' reach, but in sight.  A truck slowed down and drove beside him for enough of a time to make me very upset.  My husband started towards my son, and boy oh boy didn't that truck take off.  :(

    At times I think I've made too much of it.  I get all the time about so and so touched my private parts (no, dear, your elbow is NOT your private part, regardless of the fact that you didn't like him hitting you).  I don't want them to be afraid, but I want them to know that those parts are not to share, they don't share them with a friend, a friend shouldn't ask, no adult should ask unless it's a doctor, and they need to share if it happens.

    That said, we've never had a situation that honestly turned out bad.  But they could have.  My oldest would bolt to the bathroom when he was 3.5, I had a 2 yr old and a baby, a cart full of stuff at Costco and I'm in line to check out, and there he goes.  Into the men's room.  Deep breaths help a lot in those situations.

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