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KrissyKC
We have a neighbor family...
November 15, 2013 at 6:44 PM

That makes different choices in life.   The mother is extremely opinionated and hard to get a word in edgewise when talking with her.    She is the kind that "draws" teens because she relates to them well, which is good.   However, I do NOT agree with her opinions on life and how she feels about raising her kids.   

The kids play together, though.   I've been drawing back on letting them go over there so much because they are always exposed to the 15 yr old and his girlfriend really heavily making out around them.   The fifteen year old and another grown friend talked the girls (11 and 10) at the time to break into the back fence of a neighbors house while they went inside the house.... etc.

Anyway, she starts to talk to me about how I discipline my daughter.   Then, she's giving my daughter those sympathetic eyes that say, "I'm trying to help."   I didn't even say anything yet, just stared in open mouthed surprise and she changes the subject and leaves because she suddenly has "dinner on."   Oh, and her own daughter, when she was trying to bring it up, sat back behind her and said, "Nope, I'm out of this.. .this isn't me... I'm just going to stay out of this."

Am I being paranoid, or is my kid going over there getting sympathy and such?   Should I deal with this in some way, or ignore it?   Is it disrespectful for her to go over there and complain so much that the mother comes over to talk to me?   In the beginning the mom and I chit chatted fine, but now it's so strained, I feel like there are some issues.   I mean, I know kids vent to their friends and all.. .I'm sorta venting on here.  

But I'm not comfortable with this mother and her choices to begin with.   She likes to give people her opinions whether they want them or not.

so... bottom line...

WWYD?





Replies

  • Jinx-Troublex3
    November 15, 2013 at 6:55 PM
    Unless it is so.e kind of serious underminimg, I would just drop it. I would avoid having the kids go over thefe as much as possible and just let her do her thing.
  • debramommyof4
    November 15, 2013 at 7:04 PM

     I would not allow my children over very often if at all.  I would be concerned about what this mother will let my 11 and 10 year children do if she is allowing her 15 year old to make out in front of his siblings and herself.  I would not be ok with my children acting like that at that age, and I want them to choose friends who help them make better choices not worse ones.  Though they will have friends I do not like if it is something I can prevent them from seeing I would. 

    I would still let her younger children come over.

  • AutymsMommy
    November 15, 2013 at 7:27 PM

    This is NOT your daughter's fault. She is going to talk to kind adults and kids her age complain when they feel they are being treated unfairly (and at 11, that's ALL the time, lol!).

    This is an issue you take up with nosey neighbor lady - not your kid.

  • TidewaterClan
    November 15, 2013 at 7:41 PM

    My girls have a really sweet buddy down the street.  I don't like his parents at all; they pay no attention to him and are just mean people.  He comes over to our house to play badminton, tag, and on the trampoline.  I wouldn't let the girls go into his house. 

    I'd have a one to one talk with the neighbor herself, without your daughter or her children around.  I'd still have her children (not the 15 year old just from your description of him) come over to play at my house if you and your daughter like them.  

  • coala
    by coala
    November 15, 2013 at 8:04 PM

    I wouldn't let her go over often anymore.  JMO

    I have a neighbor who keeps trying to undermine my parenting, so I understand some.

    Yesterday, he told me that my children were allowed to play in his yard without asking me for permission first....HUH? I need to know where my kids are and what they are doing.  If my children get hurt in his yard....he could be sued.  He doesn't think my children should be stopped from riding their bikes around the block...they are 5 and 7, and we have 2 sexual predators 2 doors down from me in either direction.  Your damn right I need to know where my kids are and stop them from doing something stupid.  BTW their 2 yo has NO boundaries and isn't disciplined nearly enough IMO.

  • KrissyKC
    November 15, 2013 at 9:18 PM

    My daughter is over there now because the 11 yr old's birthday was wednesday and they didn't have a party for her, so she asked my daughter and another girl to sleep over.   I wasn't comfortable with sleepover, but let my daughter go for a few hours.   

    Usually, I stick with the whole "play outside" rule.   We live up on a hill, and they are around the corner in such a way that I can see over their fence and into their backyard, so I have let mine go over there sometimes and just check on them.  

    She came home a few minutes ago and I asked why the mother might have approached me like that.   She said that the mom is always making comments to her like, "your mother sounds like the strict type."  I just came right out and asked her to be careful that when venting to friends that we remember to keep our attitudes toward one another loving.   That complaining to other people can cause dissention and negativity between people.   She said she understood and I gave her a hug.  

    She dug through our movies and headed back out the door with a smile and a, "thanks for letting me go over there."

    You want your kids to be kids, you know... but you don't want the crud that some people allow into their lives to infect your kids' lives.

    On a positive note, she isn't showing any rated R movies while my kid is there, whew... which is why kaycee came to find one.









  • KrissyKC
    November 15, 2013 at 9:25 PM

    oh, I think I put it wrong earlier, I'm thinking that the fifteen year old isn't "let" to make out with his girlfriend all the time, but he does it anyway behind her back.  

    As for the breaking into the neighbor's yard, I didn't have all the details and they were supposed to be moving away in a week, so I didn't bother dealing with it with the mother.   I just disciplined my own kid.   They didn't move away. 




  • PurpleCupcake
    November 16, 2013 at 8:53 AM

    I don't know about your situation...but..

    When I was a tween/teen I had friends with parents like that.


    They always hang out with teens (I think because they wish they were teens)


    And those houses were were I could drink, smoke, cuss, and so forth freely. And that is why I would hang over there. 


    Those kinds of patents are BAD NEWS. They will undermine what you are trying to do. 


    They "feel" it is there responsibility to "help" your kid..thus they will let your kid get away with murder at there house. 


    You watch...it will get harder and harder to pull your kid away from there. 


  • TidewaterClan
    November 16, 2013 at 1:11 PM
    Thanks for the information! I was thinking Holy Cow about her parenting skills! Not that they're good of course, but if she were letting her 15 year old make out like that it would be beyond belief.

    Purple has a good point btw. I had two friends with 'teenagerish' parents. At one house I smoked (only time I ever did but I'd paid good money for that pack of cigarettes and darn it, I was going to smoke them!). Another had a party and let kids drive home drunk from it. If your neighbor is anything like that I'd be leery of her talking to your children.


    Quoting KrissyKC:

    oh, I think I put it wrong earlier, I'm thinking that the fifteen year old isn't "let" to make out with his girlfriend all the time, but he does it anyway behind her back.  

    As for the breaking into the neighbor's yard, I didn't have all the details and they were supposed to be moving away in a week, so I didn't bother dealing with it with the mother.   I just disciplined my own kid.   They didn't move away. 




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