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TJandKarasMom
Do Your Kids Do Chores?! Kind of a vent...
October 29, 2013 at 8:56 PM

Sooo...I left the kids with MIL today for 4 hours.  There is a whole back story to this, but I am going to just get to the point and I can give more details as to why this seems offensive to me if anyone wants them.  Biggest point-we live with MIL, it is her home, the home DH grew up in.  We pay nearly half the mortgage and we cover some other bills-so we pay almost half of everything when it comes down to it...plus we pay all our own bills, buy our own food, and do our own cooking and cleaning, etc.  We ask her to babysit once in a while, but only if both of us are working, and we never just expect it.


MIL told the kids that the living room needs to be vaccuumed 3x a week (I have seen her pick up a vaccuum like 5 times in the 7 years we've lived with her...but we do have a dog and I should vaccuum more than I do) so when the kids said they like to vaccuum, she said they aren't allowed to and that DH and I *need* more chores to do.

Here is the break down of what my kids do: DD10.5 dishes every day, usually 3x a day to keep the sink empty.  She also folds and puts away her own laundry, and picks up after herself, and keeps her room clean.  DS11.5 does the same as that last sentence, and he is responsible for all trash-taking it out of the house and bringing the bins down and back on trash day. He is also working on being more responsible for laundry (washing and drying) but I am doing it with him still while he learns, and to make sure the washer isn't getting broken, lol.  They also take turns sweeping 3 rooms and a staircase.  They are expected to do chores as they need to be done, most of them daily, sweeping I expect to be done twice a week.  They each earn $5/week if they do the majority of the chores without complaint.  I also sometimes request additional things if something extra needs to be done.

DH does ALL outside work.  I clean the kitchen probably 40 times a day.  I clean the bathroom weekly (or close to weekly) and do whatever else needs to be done.  I also work outside the home about 20 hrs a week, DH works full time and different shifts so his sleeping schedule is awful.

When DD told MIL "mom and dad have enough chores to do" MIL wanted examples.  DD gave her cleaning the bathroom (this is always my example to them, lol..."would you rather clean the bathroom?!") and MIL told her that she actually cleans the bathroom, I don't.  I'm sure she ALSO cleans the bathroom sometimes, but I know for a fact I do it regularly.  I don't care that she wants to say she cleans the bathroom, but don't tell the kid I don't!  Lol.  So I am annoyed.

Do you think we expect too much of our kids in the way of chores?  Should DH and I do *more* chores than the kids?  MIL works full time, she is not even 50, and she spends a good 5-6 hours a day sitting on the couch watching TV.  She does clean up after herself for the most part, but she doesn't really "clean."  I am just kind of offended that she says I don't clean and that we need more chores, I feel like she thinks we just force the kids to do everything while we sit around doing nothing!

Replies

  • paganbaby
    October 29, 2013 at 9:04 PM

    I think you have a fine handle on it. Mil just needs to back off.

  • Precious333
    October 29, 2013 at 9:05 PM

    I think the way you have set it up with you and the kiids is good. Its not ever the top and teaches them responsibility. Its hard living with inlaws and setting up chores. When dh and I lived with his parents we didn't have kids yet and we just followed their rules.

  • Dawn07
    by Dawn07
    October 29, 2013 at 9:07 PM
    I don't think so. I see it as you are teaching them responsibility and how to care for their own home in the future.
  • paganbaby
    October 29, 2013 at 9:09 PM

    I totally feel you btw. I lived with my inlaws twice. Once for a year before we had the kids then again for two years after they were born. *Shudders*

  • TJandKarasMom
    October 29, 2013 at 9:17 PM

    Did you catch the SEVEN YEARS?!?!  Luckily it's just her, my FIL would drive me nuts...we don't see him often, they are divorced.  She also has two younger boys, one is 22 and lives with grandma rent free, but he had a job up until recently...and he is supposedly interviewing for new jobs.  And the other is 19 and in college and when he "comes home" he stays with grandma too and they stay up all night playing video games...while MIL goes there to pick up laundry and drop off food, then returns the next day with washed/dried/folded laundry and more food.  She is also paying for the youngest's college...which is quite annoying since the reason we can't buy a house is because of our student loans.  If she had paid for DHs college we wouldn't have half of them and would be able to get a mortgage.  But at least the money we pay her is being used.....

    Anyway..it can be frustrating.  I really appreciate it and we have a great a home for a our kids and can afford extras because the rent is cheaper than if we rented from a stranger, but it still gets frustrating sometimes.  Sometimes I just want to go rent instead.  But it wouldn't be a wise financial decision.  And I do wonder what she would do without our "help."


    Quoting paganbaby:

    I totally feel you btw. I lived with my inlaws twice. Once for a year before we had the kids then again for two years after they were born. *Shudders*



  • kirbymom
    October 29, 2013 at 9:17 PM
    You are doing a fine job. And yes, we have our kids do chores in our family.
  • paganbaby
    October 29, 2013 at 9:20 PM

    You have my sympathy! lol

    Quoting TJandKarasMom:

    Did you catch the SEVEN YEARS?!?!  Luckily it's just her, my FIL would drive me nuts...we don't see him often, they are divorced.  She also has two younger boys, one is 22 and lives with grandma rent free, but he had a job up until recently...and he is supposedly interviewing for new jobs.  And the other is 19 and in college and when he "comes home" he stays with grandma too and they stay up all night playing video games...while MIL goes there to pick up laundry and drop off food, then returns the next day with washed/dried/folded laundry and more food.  She is also paying for the youngest's college...which is quite annoying since the reason we can't buy a house is because of our student loans.  If she had paid for DHs college we wouldn't have half of them and would be able to get a mortgage.  But at least the money we pay her is being used.....

    Anyway..it can be frustrating.  I really appreciate it and we have a great a home for a our kids and can afford extras because the rent is cheaper than if we rented from a stranger, but it still gets frustrating sometimes.  Sometimes I just want to go rent instead.  But it wouldn't be a wise financial decision.  And I do wonder what she would do without our "help."


    Quoting paganbaby:

    I totally feel you btw. I lived with my inlaws twice. Once for a year before we had the kids then again for two years after they were born. *Shudders*




  • coala
    by coala
    October 29, 2013 at 11:00 PM

    My children do chores and plenty of them.  My SO and I just had an argument about him not wanting the kids to have any more chores added on for a few years and I want to give them responsibility.  My kids don't do half of what I was expected to do at their ages.

    I personally think you have a handle on it and are doing a great job.  BTW if I had to live with my MIL for 7 years I think someone would die.  NO joke....I can hardly take her for a few hours at a time.  I love her to pieces, but I sure couldn't live with her.

  • irvinehiker
    October 29, 2013 at 11:34 PM

    My kids are 10 and 12 and yes they have chores.  They are resposible for picking up their projects/toys( a job in itself lol), putting clean and dirty laundry away, garbage out, helping set and put away meals.  They both help with vaccuuming and emptying the dishwasher when needed.  There are a lot of things I do but I am a SAHM.  Things would be different if I worked outside of the home.  I do feel it's important that we work together.  Your list looks fair and balanced.  

    BTW MIL has WAY more time on her hands than I do and I am HOME all day.  Five hours of TV a day!  First of all I would go crazy bonkers watching a screen for that long, and second most days I'm doing real good if I can get an hour of down time.  Really!!  Five hours!!

  • kmath
    by kmath
    October 30, 2013 at 12:10 AM

    I am sorry but your MIL is an interfering bitch.  I really think some of the stuff she says and does is just to piss you off.  I think you have a pretty good handle on chores for the kids.  My DS is 8, he does the garbage (with a little help from me), cleans his room, he is learning how to do laundry and put his clothes away and then helps me with everything else around the house when I ask him to. 

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