How do you deal with it when your child lies to you? I guess I'm talking older kid, not under 7 or anything (mine biggest lying child is my 11 yr old eldest)...
She lied three distinct times today, and was adamently INSISTING she was telling the truth even though in all three occasions her Dad and I knew 100% otherwise. We believe, that at her age, it's important to know and say the truth when you've done wrong. Not like she has to give an oral report or anything extreme like that, but you have to at least admit to the error and the lie. Otherwise, it's easier to keep lying.
So, after getting into trouble the second time and REALLY dealing with the lying. We grounded her from going to church clubs tonight and she was supposed to move laundry along instead. She immediately goes to her room to fold and put away laundry and instead starts reading.
About 30 minutes later, I catch her not having done any laundry and I ask her about that and get lied to. I have to go dig out the book and deal with the lying all over again.
So... now she's missing the field trip tomorrow and will be left at home with a few assignments to complete before she can do anything else (luckily Dad will be here working from home.)
I really feel like crap because I HATE keeping her from stuff like this. She hasn't met the other kids in the group yet, and they missed the last activity because we all were sick.
I used to be a lot tougher than I am. I feel terrible she's not going.
If lying isn't the issue at your home, what areas of life do you really get tired of disciplining all the time? What techniques work, and what has backfired?
My oldest lies about really small, stupid stuff. The big stuff they're all good about being upfront and honest, but it's lying over taking food they're not supposed to have at whatever time they've chosen it (a treat when I've said they're off limits or whatnot). I give a lecture, but I don't ground. So it's not really gone away, either. But I don't want my kids to be afraid to tell the truth when it's vital. I do remember one time him getting into a LOT of trouble and explaining that had he been honest, he still would have been in trouble, but it would be less.
Our house, it's respect. They're not respectful of each other, of "things", or just aware. We are working on this big time. In my "I'm proud of me" moments I'm very calm and just point out how rude and disrespectful they're being. In my lesser moments there's a lot of upset tension. They've lost Wii privileges for the next week+. That's brought a lot of sadness to some children.
Lying in my house is the BIG SIN. They can do anything, and admit to it, and they will be disciplined but also praised for not lying. Lying here is a big deal. We talk about how only the worst types of people lie and we talk about how no matter what, our trust is broken. We now can not trust this person. They are liars. It sounds extreme but the kids almost always own up to what they've done. I can't stand people that lie.
We have discussed when fibbing to someone (namely their great grandpa) about things like gifts or treats that they don't like. We've taught them how to verbally step around telling a lie while not hurting feelings. It is only to spare someone's feelings that it is okay to tell a small fib about liking something they don't because fibbing is the lesser of the two evils.
My oldest has come to our home with a multitude of problems....lying is one of them. I have yet to find something that helps other than making her sit out of skating at the skating rink while ALL her friends are out there skating without her. Well that isn't going to work for a few more weeks as she isn't skating for other reasons (none of which include being in trouble). Today she was sent to her room to think about why she lied about where she got hangers from (seriously....this is such a non-issue that I didn't care what the answer was), but none the less she was sent away to think about why she did this. I never got a "true" answer. My other issue her "helping" her sister ALL the time. I have to constantly remind her that her sister didn't want or ask for her help, so it isn't needed or wanted. I have had to put my foot down in this area....and I have had to tell her that if she did something regarding her sister 1 more time that day she would miss out on the rest of the stuff I had planned. Well I actually had to follow through on that threat. It actually kept her in line for nearly a month. I may have to go back to that. Otherwise I can tell you that yelling doesn't get me anywhere.....and I have been doing to much of it lately.
Pretty much anything goes in my home with reason, EXCEPT for lying. I seriously grounded my ds when he was 6 for 2 weeks over a lie. It was a big lie however... He is now 8, and I dont think the boy has lied since! My dd that just turned 5 however is gonna have a hard time :/ She lies... Trying to break the habit.
My youngest went through a lying phase. We cleaned him out of everything he loves. We explained how no one believes him when he's telling the truth because he's labeled a liar. We made a little sign he wore at home "Don't believe me I have issues with the truth" then we made sure to lie to him whenever he asked a question, and to disbelieve anything he said. We did this for one week. He hasn't lied since..lol..but I'm often labeled the 'hats' or 'mean' mom.