Homeschooling Moms

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kiwimom74
one at home - one at "regular" school?
October 8, 2013 at 6:34 PM

Does anyone have a child in regular school and one homeschooled?

I did homeschool my dd (7) back in K when we were waiting for a spot to open in a private school and it went well.. then my ds was 3 so not an issue.

dd has since been diagnosis with adhd and has since had other troubling problems yet to be given a diagnosis (probably due to age).

She has attempted suicide while in an episode of rage and while undergoing psychological testing yesterday told the doctor she thinks of it often.

So my dh is reluctantly giving in to homeschooling her but our ds in K is loving school. dd has few friends if any in school and no one wants to play with her at recess. 

She is an incredibly smart kid and I don't want ther to lose her love for learning - esp math!!

It would mean I couldn't go on field trips and not sure that dd would cope well with her brother still going to school ... on the other hand I am not sure that my ds would cope well with her staying home.

A good friend of mine who works full time told me "so what I never get to go on field trips".....

If you are in this situation how do you do it?

The other q I have is that we are due to go overseas 11/21 for 5 weeks anyway.. would you wait till then to pull her or pull her sooner?

Any advice appreciated!!

Replies

  • Chasing3
    October 8, 2013 at 6:52 PM

    i'm homeschooling a 4th grade ds, His twin sister is in public and so is his older brother.

    The basic reason I"m HSing him is because he hated school, the school said he had adhd an other psychological problems. He did suffer a terrible amount of anxiety and depression from school. Of course the school said it was because he had adhd (not diagnosed, he was screened 2 years ago and "failed" and didn't need further testing at that time). I knew it was the terrible teacher he had and the school environment.

    HSing him is going great so far and his siblings don't care and he dosen't care. But, I've since come to strongly believe he has dyscalculia (like dyslexia for math only). I may get a neuropsych eval at some point, but the curriculum at home is working so no rush.

    That said, I haven't dealt with a suicide attempt or depression that was "really bad."

    But, you have to go with your gut. School may in fact be the source of the problem for your dd. I'd ignore doctors and "professionals" that try to tell you HSIng is bad for her, etc, etc. if your gut is saying it'll be a positive change.

    Do as much research as you can and share what you learn with your dh so he gets where you're coming from for this decision. Also, share with your dd. SHe may in fact be very insightful!

    good luck,

  • kiwimom74
    October 8, 2013 at 7:06 PM

    thanks

    hindsight is a wonderful thing.. all those things we attributed to being 3 or 4 or in preschool were infact redflags to what we face now.....

    One of our biggest hurdles is his family.....

    now they don't know about how bad things are with dd and my mil thinks praying will fix everything.... ok for her but not our beliefs...

    my dh went to an ivy league college and is now a physican and I think is struggling with how a homeschooled child could do the same.....

    of course I know better :-)

    I have no doubt that dd will thrive at home.... in the two months I had her home in K she got through half the K curriculum....

    actually what I want to happen is for dh to see how well dd has done and then agree to have ds at home next fall...

  • terpmama
    October 8, 2013 at 7:16 PM

    My brother went to private while I was in public school (he thrived in smaller environment, while I preferred to "get lost in the crowd")... Neither of us questioned it.

  • paganbaby
    October 8, 2013 at 7:43 PM

    My older two are home and my youngest dd is in PS. This is her second year and she's doing fine. I'm only considering bringing her home because I'd like to include her more in the family trips we take, give her more freedom with how she learns and also because I miss her,lol. 

  • NYCitymomx3
    October 8, 2013 at 8:00 PM

    We've been doing that for 9 years.  

    First, youngest dd came home (gifted, bored, unmotivated).  Ds & oldest dd were in school

    Then ds came home starting in K (it was going so well for dd, that he wanted to do it too) and oldest dd was miserable in 8th grade, so she came home, too.  All 3 kids were homeschooling!

    Then oldest dd started high school (she chose one for journalism as she is a great writer).  Other 2 kids stayed home.  

    Then youngest dd auditioned for and was accepted to LaGuardia Arts high school!  So she went.

    And for the past 3 years it's only ds (now 12) homeschooling.  He may or may not choose to attend high school.  Here in NYC, he has hundreds of schools to choose from, so who knows.  

    Bottom line, don't worry about being what you think is fair.  Each child is different with different needs and wants.  My kids all had the choice as to where they wanted to be.  It was all good and worked out wonderfully for each.  Good luck!


  • Chasing3
    October 8, 2013 at 9:29 PM

    one thing that got my dh on board with the idea - and it took a good 6 months of me perseverating on it before he came around to the idea that it could possibly work - was that it isn't forever. It if doesn't work, then plan B. Could be private school or back to public or bring in a lot of tutors to help or whatever, but just because you decide to homeschool now doesn't mean you're locked in forever.

    Besides, I saw how things were going for my son in public and what the teachers were saying and how he'd essentially "dropped out" already in terms of attitude at age 9 -- and I figured he'd be less likely to get a good transcript and be college-bound if he stayed in public. I am sure at least at this point I am right - he's on book 4 of a series of science fiction books that last year the school and I was sure were too difficult for his reading level. Once they are engaged and can choose to learn whta they find interesting, it clicks.

    You should probably continue to treat the depression in some way, but I'll confess Im anti-big-pharma. With my ds we've been doing daily exercise, and most days try to do either meditation, arts & crafts, listening to music, playing a game! Anything he finds fun!
     

  • juno1
    by juno1
    October 8, 2013 at 9:41 PM

    I had that situation.  I homeschooled my eldest through middle school and my youngest stayed at the school he loved.  You can give each child what they need that way.  

    My eldest, too had ADHD and had a really rough time controlling his impulses at school. I recieved calls just about every day...he was miserable, his teachers were miserable, and my husband and I were miserable.  Homeschooling gave him a new start in life and helped him to really transform himself.  My mantra was, 'you don't have to be who you were yesterday...you can 'be' whomever you want to be.  We are all growing and learning..it just takes some longer..and when you add ADHD into the equation, well, it gets even harder..

     I was very connected to the homeschool community ( there are a million resources out there) so there was plenty of time for social interaction and field trips that we designed on our own.   

    This three years helped him to figure out how to deal with his impulses in a safe environment and he matured greatly from it.  It also brought us very close together...not that we weren't before.  But we really bonded and being in such a trusting relationship..for him, helped me to help him.  If that makes any sense.

    When it came time for high school he wanted to go to a 'regular school'.  We got him into a charter school that revolved around project based learning..( helps a kid like that to move and keep busy) and he thrived.

    Now in college...ran for and was elected President of his residence( about 600 students) and was just selected, as a freshman,by a board of educators, administrators and students, as Student of the Month...out of all 9,000 students....so success stories are there.  

    Be patient...just go one day at a time...

  • justkeeplaughin
    October 9, 2013 at 5:42 AM
    My son, ADHD and ODD, is being homeschooled. His sisters are in public school. There was no way he was ready for middle school this year. The situation hasn't caused any problems, yet...
  • PurpleCupcake
    October 9, 2013 at 7:30 AM

    Not sure what you should do but I do know that children with suicidal thoughts and emotional problems don't do well in ps. 

    Ps usually makes those issues worse

  • KrissyKC
    October 9, 2013 at 9:55 AM

    My daughter was similar at 7.   We had a similar pattern.

    We did K12 at home for half of her kindy year because of living in a bad school district and then put her in public school halfway through the year.   Even back then, though, before we home schooled her, she had social problems in preschool.   The other little girls would target her and pick on her and try to intentionally get her in trouble.   She was highly intelligent, but "slow on the draw."    I don't know what all is "not typical" about her, but she is just different than other kids.

    Well, after going to public school for a few years, she was just getting worse and worse.   I couldn't get her willing to even ride a bike.  She was afraid of a lot of activities and hung back and didn't participate in stuff that required balance or co-ordination.   She read a lot... voraciously.   Slowly, she just lost her smile... lost her desire to plug in to anything.   She kept wanting to run away, to die... to go to heaven and not be alive anymore.

    She was 7, and there was NO WAY I was going to let it continue and let her be a statistic.   So, we made the decision to pull her and home-educate.

    Since then, she has made amazing changes.   Yes, she's still not miss popularity.  She is still awkward sometimes, socially clueless at times, and has to be worked with on how to behave in some social situations.   

    However, she has held speaking parts in several plays, been involved in clubs with girls, boys, etc... she is making some close friends, competes in Bible Quiz with numerous other kids, was the first of the 6th graders this year to feel confident going to youth and thanks to her going a few times, the other younger kids have been trickling in.   She even participated in basketball last year and wants to do it again.

    She never talks about wanting to die anymore, and she is plugged in a little more...    Completely?  No... but I feel confident she will grow up fine and not be a statistic.


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