Homeschooling Moms

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KrissyKC
don't know if I can do this...((very long))
October 8, 2013 at 2:06 PM

I figured something out today.    Before I share my revelation, let me explain where it came from.

Some of you might be remembering some of my previous posts about my kids just not.... not doing.   Not doing anything, really.   I can't get them to brush their teeth, do their chore, etc.... NOTHING.   

It's not the actual schooling itself, it's the independent work or anything at all they have to accomplish or get completed.   Everything from showering to brushing their hair to chores to writing out their math work to practicing for their events that they WANT to be in... they just do nothing.

Like lumps...

Sitting around...

I'm always having to wait and wait and wait... or get behind and push and poke and prod....  Of course, we all know how that works really well, right?

Well, I've been noticing that most Mondays and Fridays when it's just the kids and I here, we manage to accomplish stuff.   Yesterday, I had a migraine and the kids had to help me in the AM.   However, once I got up, we managed to still log 5 hours worth of school and get to the park for 3 hours.   I pushed them on the swings, played rocket with them, etc..    

I DID end up buying us Taco Bell for dinner, but for a day where I had a headache so bad I actually threw up four times, I felt pretty good about myself.

I went to bed still feeling horrible.   Got up a little late today because my alarm I set a few weeks ago (to repeat) on my phone suddenly stopped going off in the middle of last week... happened to be during one of DH's days off.   

Anyway, DH is off Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.   These days are always HORRIBLE for school.  I finally realized why.

The kids are doing what kids are supposed to do.   They are following their leader.

I can't fight it anymore.   

Dad is lazy, lays around, putzes, doesn't get plugged in, doesn't do ANYTHING he says he wants to do... doesn't follow through on anything, etc...

My grass in my backyard is as high as almost my knee in two places.   He was supposed to cut it two weeks when he was off, but put it off til the last day and then woke up with one of his migraines and went back to sleep from 9:30 until about 2:45.   Then he woke up and acted groggy and sick the rest of the night.  He cut three strips in the lawn and came inside and quit.

I love him.   He's a kind person, and treats the kids and I with respect.  I know that he cares about them and I.   He also works and I don't, so obviously he's providing.  We've struggled over some of the problems he's had (got himself fired, started a business and failed at it because of just not trying, etc..).. but on the whole, we are mostly provided for.   I've had to help a time or two with doing childcare or holding down a job or something for a while... but he is finally matured enough and in a lasting career that I hope that is all behind us.

But, with his schedule, I just can't do it.   They follow his lead.   He IS the head of the household (in our belief system), and the kids are following him.   How can I punnish the dogs on the sled dog team if they are doing what they are supposed to do and following the lead dog???

What can I do?
 



Replies

  • Jinx-Troublex3
    October 8, 2013 at 2:16 PM
    You neex to sit down with DH and share this with him. Remind him that if he expects to be head of household by your beliefs, then he needs to be responsible and set a GOOD positive example.

    I have a similar issue. DH is the "Disneyland dad" I am responsible.for all school issues and On his off days Sun-Tues he plays video games or watches tv with them and takes them on outings when they should be doing school...then wonders why I get upset. Luckily, since he works nights, he sleeps until 1-2pm most days so they get the majority done while he is asleep.

    We recently had a long talk about it and things have been better. He has to respect my job as much as I have to respect his and him providing for us.

    Lol @ the yard..sorry! I told DH i take care of the inside of the house, and the kids and he gets the yard. He hired a gardener @@
  • AutymsMommy
    October 8, 2013 at 2:17 PM

    This is one time I'm at a loss. Sincerely. I've got nothing but *hugs*.

    You are right that you can't expect from children what the adult doesn't expect from themselves - an adult whom they look up to.

    How does your husband feel about putting them in school? Can you use that as leverage on some level? "Sweetie, if we don't start setting a better example, the children are going to go to brick and mortar school; I can't let their education, physical, and emotional wellbeing suffer just for the sake of TRYING to homeschool."

  • TJandKarasMom
    October 8, 2013 at 2:27 PM
    Can you just do school on the weekends and take off the same days as dad? Then if they are lazy, it's their weekend so it doesn't matter. And the days he is working, you could get more done.

    Do you have strict rules about logging hours? And have you talked to DH about this at all? My DH used to be like yours, but has definitely matured and I think we are past most of that stuff too...I swear things have only gotten better over the last few years between us and as a family as well. His growing up has had a lot to do with things being great (they could always be better, but he helps make the best of everything). My DH also used to spend hours paying video games and sleeping, he was so unhappy :(. He just "escaped" all the time, either to sleep or in the games...I don't know what snapped him out of it, but getting a different job helped and I think once he started doing stuff it was easier to just do stuff, you know? But it wasn't easy when he was in that slump. I'm not sure I could have hs'ed during it. Does he want you to HS?
  • KrissyKC
    October 8, 2013 at 2:32 PM

    We have had numerous talks in the past 13 1/2 years of marriage.   Talks that I felt were successful with a give and take and his verbally saying what he wants for his kids and it mostly lines up with what I want for the kids we come to understandings and agreements and all... then he does the opposite of what he says.

    When we just casually discuss the kids' futures (like a recent conversation about their sleep habits as they get older), he is the one that says... "I think letting them stay up til 3am and sleep late is bad for them.   They need to learn to have healthy sleep patterns and be successful in life.   Not like I grew up."    Then he's secretly turning off my alarms so that we all sleep in instead.   


    Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

    You neex to sit down with DH and share this with him. Remind him that if he expects to be head of household by your beliefs, then he needs to be responsible and set a GOOD positive example.

    I have a similar issue. DH is the "Disneyland dad" I am responsible.for all school issues and On his off days Sun-Tues he plays video games or watches tv with them and takes them on outings when they should be doing school...then wonders why I get upset. Luckily, since he works nights, he sleeps until 1-2pm most days so they get the majority done while he is asleep.

    We recently had a long talk about it and things have been better. He has to respect my job as much as I have to respect his and him providing for us.

    Lol @ the yard..sorry! I told DH i take care of the inside of the house, and the kids and he gets the yard. He hired a gardener @@



  • KrissyKC
    October 8, 2013 at 2:35 PM

    He doesn't WANT them to go to school.  He feels strongly about the decisions we've made... he just doesn't follow through and DO what he decides.    I have discussed that several times with him about if we can't change things here at home, we are doing them a disservice and they need to go back in school.  

    He tells me that's the wrong decision because it's not like it would change our family situation.. we STILL would have to solve stuff so we can be good parents.   Because if the kids go in school, what am I going to do?  I'd probably get a job and then we'd be fighting over who's responsibility the household chores were because we both would be working.  He knows in his heart he and I have to make changes to ourselves... (me too, I'm not innocent in all this)...




    Quoting AutymsMommy:

    This is one time I'm at a loss. Sincerely. I've got nothing but *hugs*.

    You are right that you can't expect from children what the adult doesn't expect from themselves - an adult whom they look up to.

    How does your husband feel about putting them in school? Can you use that as leverage on some level? "Sweetie, if we don't start setting a better example, the children are going to go to brick and mortar school; I can't let their education, physical, and emotional wellbeing suffer just for the sake of TRYING to homeschool."



  • KrissyKC
    October 8, 2013 at 2:39 PM

    In the state of Missouri, we have to do 1000 hours of instruction.  

    I always wanted to home educate my kids.   I really DESPISE the public school system because of my own experiences, but he wasn't on board.   So the kids went into school and encountered problems.   He changed his mind and wanted them homeschooled instead, so yes.   NOW he is 100% behind homeschooling (in theory)...   He is just not behind it in practice.

    Yes, we do sometimes HS on the weekends, but right now Sundays are too busy and every Saturday has been and is booked for several weeks.   Dh is also here on Saturdays and Sundays (working from home) and he is still interrupting and a pain in the butt sometimes.  LOL!



    Quoting TJandKarasMom:

    Can you just do school on the weekends and take off the same days as dad? Then if they are lazy, it's their weekend so it doesn't matter. And the days he is working, you could get more done.

    Do you have strict rules about logging hours? And have you talked to DH about this at all? My DH used to be like yours, but has definitely matured and I think we are past most of that stuff too...I swear things have only gotten better over the last few years between us and as a family as well. His growing up has had a lot to do with things being great (they could always be better, but he helps make the best of everything). My DH also used to spend hours paying video games and sleeping, he was so unhappy :(. He just "escaped" all the time, either to sleep or in the games...I don't know what snapped him out of it, but getting a different job helped and I think once he started doing stuff it was easier to just do stuff, you know? But it wasn't easy when he was in that slump. I'm not sure I could have hs'ed during it. Does he want you to HS?



  • KrissyKC
    October 8, 2013 at 2:43 PM

    I'm so not trying to make excuses and such, I'm just really burning out from being the only one that does anything.   Everyone else in this house is so apathetic.   I'm not the most energetic person either, and if it weren't for pushing myself all the time, I'd probably be lazy too... 


  • usmom3
    by usmom3
    BJ
    October 8, 2013 at 3:13 PM

     My advise, treat his days off like the weekend, let things go a little & make the weekends part of your week! Try that for the rest of the year & see if things improve!

  • hwblyf
    by hwblyf
    October 8, 2013 at 3:49 PM


    I hear ya!  Maybe visually divvying up responsibilities (a chore chart....sorry) would be helpful?  Maybe he would even be willing to teach a special class on his days off?  After all, days off work aren't days off life, we all still have to interact and stuff.  I'm sorry you're having a down time.  I wonder, too, if maybe field trips or distance learning (you know, at the park) would be a way to avoid seeing the temptation of goofing off.  ???  Take a deep breath.  Eat a Hershey's kiss.  Bask in the sun.  And remember that things will change.

    Quoting KrissyKC:

    I'm so not trying to make excuses and such, I'm just really burning out from being the only one that does anything.   Everyone else in this house is so apathetic.   I'm not the most energetic person either, and if it weren't for pushing myself all the time, I'd probably be lazy too... 




  • Knightquester
    October 8, 2013 at 3:52 PM

    You can do a few things, setting aside beliefs and rocking the boat in your marriage since I'm sure there's more to what you've expressed here, you have options as far as getting school work done.

    1. You can take the kids to the park, Starbucks, or someplace outside the home where they are expected to sit, get work done and can then later enjoy themselves.
    2. You can ask that your husband leave the house Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays and come back at a set time.  He can take up a sport, take reading materials or if you have a laptop that and head out someplace to chill.  Let him know it's easier to school when he's not around, and while you'll miss him it might also give him a chance to relax too.
    3. You can just talk it out with your husband and see if you guys can't reach some sort of compromise.  Something like he stays in your room reading, watching TV, or sleeping those days while the kids are working with you and just tell the kids dads not around and you need to get work done, and crack that whip with them.

    I'm sure there are many other things you can do.  The major issue was figuring out what was causing the problem, now that you know it was dad then you can work on various options until you find a solution that works for your family and you.

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