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paganbaby
Grrrrr!!!! Why are teenagers so difficult??
October 3, 2013 at 11:57 AM

I want to start this off as saying, that I really love my daughter and I do enjoy her company. I know it doesn't seem that way with how much I complain in here about her,lol. It's just you guys are the only ones who understand. I've tried venting to my family about it and all I get is, "Then send her back to school." That's not what I want!

Okay, so the fist week was awful. I figured that I started her too soon and she needs more time to unschool. With our new schedule she can sleep as late as wants but she has to spend at least 5 hours with the family/pursuing her interests (No electronics except for documentaries, ect) Well, she gets up early but that's about it. Instead of doing something productive, she just spends her time wandering around and doing her chores sloowwly to eat up more time.

I bought her a perfume making kit. Hasn't touched it. I suggested training the dogs, not interested. Help her brother with his science project, spiders are gross. So I took her to the library. I asked her to pick some books that look interesting. I swear she kept her eyes closed the entire time because she came back with three books, Ethiopia, birds and slugs. Really? I asked her if she really liked these books. "Uh huh." After 5 mins of looking at the pictures she admitted they were boring.

I explained that if she doesn't figure out what she likes, I won't know what to teach her. School is much funner when you lean about things that interest you.

Help! What else can I do??

Replies

  • paganbaby
    October 3, 2013 at 8:13 PM

    Great ideas!

    Quoting DyslexiaParent:

    I think after kids have been in school for so long, they have totally lost touch with who they are and their dreams.   They honestly don't have a clue what they're interested in or what they want to do.  It could be a long time before she knows what she wants to do or knows what she's interested in if she doesn't at least explore ideas.  My suggestion is to tell your DD that she has to do three educational things next week -- read a book (you set the length of the book, like 100 pages, but let her pick the topic), use the perfume kit, build something, etc.  Let it be kind of open, but require her to do something.  It's kind of halfway between homeschooling and unschooling.  That's my two cents, for what it's worth! ;-)


  • KrissyKC
    October 3, 2013 at 9:33 PM

    Oh, I got insurance and lost insurance several times since then.   I'm just really bad at seeing doctors for myself.  

    St. John's Wart seems to help me, too.   I have to remember to keep it in my system, though, for it to be effective.

    Helps to have enough rest daily, too, and melatonin before bed helps with that.



    Quoting paganbaby:

    Mine too! ((Hugs)) Is it possible to get back on your insurance?

    I was diagnosed with a lot of things but meds never worked until I began taking St. Johns wort. Speaking of which I missed a couple days. It just tastes so bad! lol I'm having dd take some too (the pills) but I need to get better. It's just so hard to pull myself up. Dinner has been cereal two nights in a row :-(

    Quoting KrissyKC:

    I don't have anyone either.   DH cracks if I crack.   It's really hard.   I have been diagnosed bi-polar, but didn't follow that diagnosis to the end because of losing insurance and just moving on with life and handling it on my own.

    I know that if I sleep in and don't get up and do with the kids, I can have a breakdown.   If I ido break down, I cannot rely on anyone to kick my butt into shape or help me get back up again.   I just have to rise above it and do it because no one else will.   I love my DH, but I can't rely on him at all.



    Quoting paganbaby:

    I'm fumbling through this the best I can,lol. But you're right. I myself struggle with depression and a routine really does help, even as a adult. Unfortunately there's no one to kick me in the butt when I fall in my hole :-/

    I think writing out goals and helping her make a schedule is a great idea. Nothing permament. I'll let her know we can change anything that doesn't work.Also, I'm loving the strewing concept.

    Quoting KrissyKC:

    oh, yes.. I forgot about her dealing with depression.

    I double what mem said.   Going to bed early and rising early is very key to overcoming depression.   Also, having goals, having something to put your hands to (work of your hands), something to find success in, plus fill that idle time with.   Structure and routine are MUCH better for depression than abosulte anarchy.



    Quoting mem82:

    IDK, pagan. My parenting and schooling style is too different than your's to be much help. I, honestly, just think you have given her way, way, way too much freedom with little consequence. Maybe she really needs you to set up a hard core schedule, one that involves getting up early, going to bed with lights out at 10, chores, and way less friend time. I know she has depression problems. Sometimesa strict rout ine is just what she needs. It isn't fun to have to do it but I really feel that that would be the way to go. Obviously, this is just me building an opinion from what I have read on here. 8) Teens are very complicated creatures.









  • paganbaby
    October 3, 2013 at 10:05 PM

    I'm so with you there. And yes, melatonin is a life saver for me!

    Quoting KrissyKC:

    Oh, I got insurance and lost insurance several times since then.   I'm just really bad at seeing doctors for myself.  

    St. John's Wart seems to help me, too.   I have to remember to keep it in my system, though, for it to be effective.

    Helps to have enough rest daily, too, and melatonin before bed helps with that.



    Quoting paganbaby:

    Mine too! ((Hugs)) Is it possible to get back on your insurance?

    I was diagnosed with a lot of things but meds never worked until I began taking St. Johns wort. Speaking of which I missed a couple days. It just tastes so bad! lol I'm having dd take some too (the pills) but I need to get better. It's just so hard to pull myself up. Dinner has been cereal two nights in a row :-(

    Quoting KrissyKC:

    I don't have anyone either.   DH cracks if I crack.   It's really hard.   I have been diagnosed bi-polar, but didn't follow that diagnosis to the end because of losing insurance and just moving on with life and handling it on my own.

    I know that if I sleep in and don't get up and do with the kids, I can have a breakdown.   If I ido break down, I cannot rely on anyone to kick my butt into shape or help me get back up again.   I just have to rise above it and do it because no one else will.   I love my DH, but I can't rely on him at all.



    Quoting paganbaby:

    I'm fumbling through this the best I can,lol. But you're right. I myself struggle with depression and a routine really does help, even as a adult. Unfortunately there's no one to kick me in the butt when I fall in my hole :-/

    I think writing out goals and helping her make a schedule is a great idea. Nothing permament. I'll let her know we can change anything that doesn't work.Also, I'm loving the strewing concept.

    Quoting KrissyKC:

    oh, yes.. I forgot about her dealing with depression.

    I double what mem said.   Going to bed early and rising early is very key to overcoming depression.   Also, having goals, having something to put your hands to (work of your hands), something to find success in, plus fill that idle time with.   Structure and routine are MUCH better for depression than abosulte anarchy.



    Quoting mem82:

    IDK, pagan. My parenting and schooling style is too different than your's to be much help. I, honestly, just think you have given her way, way, way too much freedom with little consequence. Maybe she really needs you to set up a hard core schedule, one that involves getting up early, going to bed with lights out at 10, chores, and way less friend time. I know she has depression problems. Sometimesa strict rout ine is just what she needs. It isn't fun to have to do it but I really feel that that would be the way to go. Obviously, this is just me building an opinion from what I have read on here. 8) Teens are very complicated creatures.










  • JerrysMom2011
    October 4, 2013 at 12:48 PM

    Putting my cents in..

    My teen we started a more set schedule similar to public school to help transition...now we are semi relaxed still in school for a set amt of time, but the book work has stopped for this week and i have just printed off worksheets and going over ways to help remember what he is learning. Also doing more writing since this seems to be his weakest right now. He seems not to mind this too much. Now over the weekend I will slowly incoropate bookwork back into it. I know most library systems have a book that is similar to.."what do i wanna do with the rest of my life" and its for teens..i cant remember the exact name right now..maybe she should look into that and see what intersets her. 

    Good luck!

  • paganbaby
    October 4, 2013 at 12:52 PM

    This sounds like something she needs. I'm going to start her on a stricter schedule starting monday. I'd do it today but I need her to shampoo her carpet. It smells so bad,lol.

    And thanks, I'll check out that book next time we're there.

    Quoting JerrysMom2011:

    Putting my cents in..

    My teen we started a more set schedule similar to public school to help transition...now we are semi relaxed still in school for a set amt of time, but the book work has stopped for this week and i have just printed off worksheets and going over ways to help remember what he is learning. Also doing more writing since this seems to be his weakest right now. He seems not to mind this too much. Now over the weekend I will slowly incoropate bookwork back into it. I know most library systems have a book that is similar to.."what do i wanna do with the rest of my life" and its for teens..i cant remember the exact name right now..maybe she should look into that and see what intersets her. 

    Good luck!


  • Tal0n
    by Tal0n
    October 4, 2013 at 2:42 PM

    Sounds like she's jonsing for more structure, not less.

    You might give that a try?

  • paganbaby
    October 4, 2013 at 3:55 PM

    That's what it's looking like. I have to remember she's not me when I was 14; she's a totally different person. So I changed her curfew to 8:00 instead of 9:30 and her bedtime to lihts out at 10:00 instead of 11:00+ with a book.

    I still have no clue what I'm going to do about her ciriculum right now so I think I'll just combine her and her brother's science, history and grammar and give them seperate reading and math until we find out which topics she likes the best.

    Quoting Tal0n:

    Sounds like she's jonsing for more structure, not less.

    You might give that a try?


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