Wow!! Good read! How have your relationships changed? I'm just starting and live in another state than some of my good friends which makes life easier for me. But, I do have a few mom's with kids my DD's age who are sending their kids to school and it's different!
I've been wanting to write an open letter, but my idea is different. I want my letter to say that my choice to homeschool is not a reflection on others' choice to public/private school. My kids are missing some of their BFFs from ps, partly because our schedules are so different now, but mostly because I honestly think a lot of people took OUR decision personally.
My relationship with my MIL has changed. My relationship with my parents even changed a bit, for the better actually since they actually understood my decision and did not get defensive, though they had questions. My relationship with my husband was tested a bit bc of my mil, but it just made us stronger so I am grateful there. And I am so grateful to have such a supportive, loving husband. I don't have any really close friends, my best friend doesn't have kids but 100% supports our choice to HS and says she would as well if she ever had kids.
But my other parent friends, the ones I met from my kids being in ps, are different toward me now. Not all of them, but many of them. I'm trying to word something for Facebook to put it out there that our decision is no reflection on anyone else, and that we felt this was right for our family but know it is not right for every family. And that my kids miss their friends and would still like to see them.
My sister and I are not as close because she sends her dd who is 6 months older than my ds to public kindergarten and she thinks I judge her. The only thing I have ever said is I am worried because she was reading 6 months before school started and she was able to do addition and subtraction and most kindergarten math easily. I explained I was worried because my dd who was like that did horrible in school, but that I truly hoped my niece would enjoy it and thrive. I also explained I could not help but worry and I wanted to help her only if she needed other options.
My niece loves public school. She does well and finishes all her work early so she can go play. But she is loosing things. She is not reading or doing math as well as last year. I know this because I had her one day that we were doing school and she could not do the work anymore. She is also picking up bad things like trying to manipulate others feelings. And while I would talk to my sister about it normally. I no longer feel like I can because if I do she will say it is because I hate public school.
It has brought my husband, kids and I closer together though and that is one amazing benifit I will never give up.
It hasn't, really.
My best friend is still my best friend. She sends her children to public school; she's still my best friend. Unlike in the article, though, I have no problem having her over for coffee in the middle of, what is for me, a "school day" at home. I have no problem saying "hey kids, let's go over to M's house!" in the middle of the day, so that I can visit when she's having a rough day, and they can play in the play room.
She doesn't care for homeschooling her own children, but respects that I do so; the same as I respect her decision to send her children to public school. We're great in that we recognize homeschooling doesn't work for everybody, and public school doesn't work for everybody.
It changed a lot of my family relationships. They saw what we went through with the PS and they still make comments about my "snowflake" children, that I should go get a job, and other things that are just mean and hurtful. So we have limited our exposure to them.
I have had a couple friends that I have unfriended on fb, but they were pretty small parts of my life to begin with.
There are so many other strange life choices that have placed strain on my friendships that homeschooling is just another one. People think we are rich because I am one of very few SAHMs from my group, they think we are stupid for raising our own meat but when we were vegitarian we were snooty, they think we are a bit dirty because we compost and have a composting toilet and family cloth and all that, and they think we are crazy for homeschooling. Those "friends" were sent packing and now I have real friendships with the people who recognize that we all make choices and we really don't judge each other for the choices we make.
by mem82September 21, 2013 at 6:29 PM
I don't know if my relationships have changed so much as I have changed. I am not a friend maker. I have a couple friends and that's basically all I want. I think homeschooling has made me more willing to just be weird. LOL I give people permission to think I'm weird and that actually seems to help. LIke when I say I homeschool, and they get that deer caught in headlights look, I just laugh and say, "I know. It's a little weird!" People seem to relax when given permission to not have to find something tactful to say.
My family isn't big on the homeschooling angle, nope. They also think I'm both lazy for being a SAHM and rich enough to give them money whenever they ask. They do see it as judging their choices. They also see it as me just wanting to be "different" the way a teenager would.
by Anna92464September 21, 2013 at 10:33 PM
My life really changed. I had to toughen up because people were willing to give me their unsolicited negative opinions about homeschooling....That was a long time ago, though, and family has learned to back off and just frown at me, and that questioning my kids makes me mad. The biggest surprise for me was that I was the first person in my church to homeschool and did it without a co-op, and when others started homeschooling and formed co-ops, they ended up very hostile to me because my style and reasons for homeschooling didn't match theirs and so I dealt with a lot of unsolicited criticism, advice, and then downright hostility for not "seeing the light" and wisdom of their ways. I ended up giving up on groups altogether and my kids found friends in community activities such as theater, art classes, etc.
by SMTCMMooreSeptember 21, 2013 at 10:45 PMMy family life hasn't changed but many of my PSing friends seem distant when I talk to them, I keep hoping its me but it is getting harder and harder for them to agree to meet up.