Homeschooling Moms

bluerooffarm
Socialization, friends, activities, and on and on and on...
September 11, 2013 at 8:46 AM

 If I knew then what I know now, I would tell myself this..... Do not fall into the socialization trap!!  Do not get into silly activities or activities you don't want to do JUST to get them "socialized."

My kids like hanging out with other kids their ages, they are friendly, they know how to interact with other kids.  Actually it's fairly natural for kids to pick up cues on how to interact with different groups of people.  They already know that the kids in soccer act one way and they kids at co-op act another.  They get it.

They are also learning to interact with multiple age groups.  They interact much more with random adults as we do our shopping, get our tire fixed, go to the bookstore, etc.  They do not get that at PS. Sorry.  But they are usually assigned a teacher or 8 and they learn very quickly what that teacher or each teacher likes and requires....Why?  Because kids naturally pick up cues for social situations (I'm sorry, there are some kids who do not, but the vast majority do) Why do they? Because it was always necessary for survival.  And the kids in the PS pick up the cues and run with them for each particular teacher, but they begin to lose that ability later on because they only use it at the beginning of each school year.  In other words, "if you don't use it, you lose it."  Homeschool kids are typically around many more adults.  Seriously, they are. 

They are typically around many more age groups and just many more different types of kids.  It's more like college.  There's not just the cliques...the preps, the rebels, the geeks.  They get to slip into many different groups because so many of those groups do not overlap well.  None of our second co-op is the same as soccer or swimming or family camp or our first co-op or our youth group and on and on.  They can use their skills to fit in everywhere.  They will use their skills more often.  They will use their skills each time they pay for anything at the store.  They will use their skills each time they order a meal from a waitress.  So LET them.  Let them order food, talk to the cashier, request a book at the bookstore, talk to the guy at the tire shop.  And they will "socialize" themselves. 

Who do you want teaching your children how to fit into society?  You or a teacher at the PS?

Okay stepping off the socialization soap box now.

Replies

  • mem82
    by mem82
    September 11, 2013 at 9:47 AM
    I agree. My kids are very comfortable talking to just about anyone including my *quiet* child.
  • SusanTheWriter
    September 11, 2013 at 10:11 AM

    Even my incredibly shy and introverted child has done a social 180 (ok, more like 90) since she came home.

  • Krystal.Ingalls
    September 11, 2013 at 10:19 AM

    My son is much more social now that he's homeschooled.  He's autistic and public school was just too stressful to him.  He wouldn't talk at all while he was there...he just tuned everyone out.  Now, he'll talk to a few different people.  He even orders his own food when we go out to eat.  =)  He's not quite caught up with his peers yet, but he's doing amazing!  

  • coala
    by coala
    September 11, 2013 at 10:20 AM

    I wholheartedly agree!!!!  When people ask me about socialization.....especially at the roller rink....my response is do my kids look like they are having a hard time fitting in?  Do they look socially awkward?  Do they look like they are laking for friends?  The answers are usually a resounding NO.  My kids will talk to strangers and tell them their life stories.  It really is sweet.  They are very active happy children who aren't lacking for socialization.  They see a bunch of the same kids (and adults) several times a week because of the activities that they have chosen to be a part of.

  • coala
    by coala
    September 11, 2013 at 10:21 AM

    It's amazing how much they blossom when we can put them in an environment where they will thrive.  Great job Momma!!!


    Quoting Krystal.Ingalls:

    My son is much more social now that he's homeschooled.  He's autistic and public school was just too stressful to him.  He wouldn't talk at all while he was there...he just tuned everyone out.  Now, he'll talk to a few different people.  He even orders his own food when we go out to eat.  =)  He's not quite caught up with his peers yet, but he's doing amazing!  



  • bluerooffarm
    September 11, 2013 at 10:41 AM

     

    Quoting Krystal.Ingalls:

    My son is much more social now that he's homeschooled.  He's autistic and public school was just too stressful to him.  He wouldn't talk at all while he was there...he just tuned everyone out.  Now, he'll talk to a few different people.  He even orders his own food when we go out to eat.  =)  He's not quite caught up with his peers yet, but he's doing amazing!  

     IMO it is easier for the autistic child, the socially awkward child, the shy child (not trying to lump them together at all but as seperate categories) to interact with others when there is the comfort of someone who knows and loves him standing there to encourage or even butt in to help.

    Great job, Momma!

  • bluerooffarm
    September 11, 2013 at 10:45 AM

     

    Quoting coala:

    I wholheartedly agree!!!!  When people ask me about socialization.....especially at the roller rink....my response is do my kids look like they are having a hard time fitting in?  Do they look socially awkward?  Do they look like they are laking for friends?  The answers are usually a resounding NO.  My kids will talk to strangers and tell them their life stories.  It really is sweet.  They are very active happy children who aren't lacking for socialization.  They see a bunch of the same kids (and adults) several times a week because of the activities that they have chosen to be a part of.

     I had a couple of those questions IRL lately and it seems a few people on here are stressing a bit about this socialization thing.  It has really been on my mind to just share some of my insights as we've gone through this.  I was the same as some of these others at the beginning, worried about how often they would interact, would they become "wierd" and so on.  So i hoped there would be some reassurances here.

    Thank you for adding your experiences.  It is truly amazing how our children maintain their innocence and still have happy, socially active lives!  :-)

  • debramommyof4
    September 11, 2013 at 11:20 AM
    I figured I was the only one who allowed their kids to order their own food. I have been getting weird looks for the last 2 years when i decided my kids were going to learn to order. my youngest was 2 at the time. All my kids order their own food, of course we ask the nonreaders ahead of time.

    I have had waiters and waitresses ignore the kids or look at me like what the heck. It is frustrating and I praise the ones who actually listen to the kids. If they are asking for dessert that is one thing but when my 3 year old asks for meal off the kids menu please accept that.

    It is few and far in-between that actually listen.
  • bluerooffarm
    September 11, 2013 at 11:27 AM

     Wow!  I have never had a waitress not take their order.  They will look at me sometimes to give the head nod that it's okay.  I wasn't allowing them until they were 6, but my 4yo told me he was big and he wanted to do it and he does a great job of it. 

    I tip better when they listen to the kids, and many of them know it by now.  I think they pass it on to newbies!  LOL  There are only a few local restaraunts that we go to.

    Quoting debramommyof4:

    I figured I was the only one who allowed their kids to order their own food. I have been getting weird looks for the last 2 years when i decided my kids were going to learn to order. my youngest was 2 at the time. All my kids order their own food, of course we ask the nonreaders ahead of time.

    I have had waiters and waitresses ignore the kids or look at me like what the heck. It is frustrating and I praise the ones who actually listen to the kids. If they are asking for dessert that is one thing but when my 3 year old asks for meal off the kids menu please accept that.

    It is few and far in-between that actually listen.

     

  • debramommyof4
    September 11, 2013 at 11:31 AM
    Yeah. I have had them completely ignore the children and ask me what the kids would like. I tip better when they listen also. If they are rude to anyone at the table we only tip a few dollars and as a family of 6 that is not a lot.

    Quoting bluerooffarm:

     Wow!  I have never had a waitress not take their order.  They will look at me sometimes to give the head nod that it's okay.  I wasn't allowing them until they were 6, but my 4yo told me he was big and he wanted to do it and he does a great job of it. 


    I tip better when they listen to the kids, and many of them know it by now.  I think they pass it on to newbies!  LOL  There are only a few local restaraunts that we go to.


    Quoting debramommyof4:

    I figured I was the only one who allowed their kids to order their own food. I have been getting weird looks for the last 2 years when i decided my kids were going to learn to order. my youngest was 2 at the time. All my kids order their own food, of course we ask the nonreaders ahead of time.

    I have had waiters and waitresses ignore the kids or look at me like what the heck. It is frustrating and I praise the ones who actually listen to the kids. If they are asking for dessert that is one thing but when my 3 year old asks for meal off the kids menu please accept that.

    It is few and far in-between that actually listen.

     

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