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OT: Why My Perfect Toilet Paper Keeps Me Sane
September 7, 2013 at 8:00 AM

Why My Perfect Toilet Paper Keeps Me Sane

by Amy Keyishian

silverware drawerYesterday, I needed a rubber band. Knowing I’d stashed a few in our silverware drawer, I reached for them and found ... nothing. “Why do you hate rubber bands??” I texted my husband.

He walked in from the other room. “I don’t want the silverware drawer to become a junk repository,” he told me.

“This kitchen looks like a hurricane hit it, and that’s what you get fussy about?” I asked.

He fixed me with that look. “You don’t have a rubber band to stand on.”

He’s right. When it comes to ridiculous little details that Must Be Just So in the middle of the chaos that is our home, well, I’m the duchess of dork. Here’s what I mean:

I may not care if there are rubber bands in the silverware drawer, but woe betide you if you don’t stack the flatware as noted above. (This is one my husband came up with, and it’s a testament to the strength of our shared neuroses that I immediately adopted it.) Oh no! I just noticed the knives are facing different ways! Be right back ...

Our dresser is a mass of reading material, but I don’t mind it if the smaller pieces are stacked on top of the larger pieces. My husband, on the other hand, doesn’t even notice if a big floppy magazine is on top of a little paperback. THE PAIN! MY EYES!

There are an estimated 20 toys in the living room that beep, sing, or light up (sometimes all three). None of this bothers me. But I can’t stand the sound of commercials on the TV, and mute them immediately.

I cannot sleep in a bed that hasn’t been made, including the sheets facing the right way. Sometimes I make the bed just so I can get into it.

Toilet paper must go over the top. Funny thing is, it used to have to go the other way (I liked seeing the whole roll with the end making a surprise appearance from beneath) until I had a cleaning lady who made little hotel-style triangles on the top of the roll. She changed my life, man.

I’ll accept wearing unmatched socks only if they’re the same type of sock. They may not look the same, but they must feel the same. Example:

My fingernails are allowed to be raggedy. My toenails are not.

I like to hang the diaper bag on the front doorknob so I can fill it with stuff easily as I stroll past. My husband cannot abide ANYTHING hung on ANY doorknob, which means he’ll rip the drying bibs off the kitchen cabinets and neatly pile them toss them in a pile on the kitchen table.

When I’m done with the shower, I have to hang the rug on the side of the tub, the rubber mat gets stuck on the wall so it doesn’t mildew, and the curtain has to be pulled straight so the tree looks like it’s growing out of the mat. Please note: the rest of the bathroom is a TSW -- total stinking wreck.

Do you cherish tiny touches of organization in a sea of disorder?

What’s your teeny-weeny moment of Zen? 

What keeps you sane?


  • kirbymom
    September 7, 2013 at 10:56 AM
    I love love love love this article!!!!!!!!
    Thank you Michelle for posting this!!!!! Love ya!
  • kmath
    by kmath
    September 7, 2013 at 12:05 PM

    LOL, this article cracked me up because it is so me.  My house might be unorganized, but the shower curtain better be closed and don't even think of touching the pencils on my desk.  There are more I am sure, but those are the two main ones!

  • mem82
    by mem82
    September 7, 2013 at 12:42 PM

    I totally relate to some of her things that HAVE to be done just so.

  • usmom3
    by usmom3
    September 7, 2013 at 1:45 PM

     I am not that uptight about anything!

  • KrissyKC
    September 7, 2013 at 5:24 PM

    I'm not saying you for sure, but many people think this way.   Ask the people closest to you and see what they say... maybe you have some pet peeves that even you aren't aware of.

    Quoting usmom3:

     I am not that uptight about anything!

  • mommaJ333
    September 7, 2013 at 5:55 PM

    Wow..... I cant believe how much anxiety I got while reading this article! Totally agree about the unmade beds. Im a floor sleeper but I still feel the need to fold and roll my set of comforters, and if the roll is loose.... back to square one. The shower curtain MUST be closed. But my biggest thing is my carpets and rugs..... I vacuum at least once a day because I love the feel of a freshly vacuumed floor..... yeah

  • coala
    by coala
    September 7, 2013 at 8:14 PM

    My toilet paper MUST come over the top.

    My towels have to be hung just so.....I can't get anyone else to do it my way.

    My towels have to be folded just right before they go into the cabinet.

    I'm sure that I have a few more, but those are the most important ones.

  • KickButtMama
    September 8, 2013 at 1:08 AM

    OMG we all share the same neurosis! 

  • bluerooffarm
    September 8, 2013 at 2:17 PM

     Nope, other than safety stuff.  Nothing shall be stacked on the stairs, it's a safety fail.  We cannot stack our canned goods because the pressure from the can above could reseal a can underneath and get people sick.  The milk and eggs shall not go on the fridge door, they go near the bottom where the temp is lowest.  The newly purchased/packaged frozen foods must go to the bottom of the freezer even if that means completely unloading/reloading the darn thing.  But all of that is for the safety stuff.

  • Ecoseem
    by Ecoseem
    September 8, 2013 at 5:36 PM

    The books and decor on my bookshelves have to be makes me calmer to see it.  Everything else is pretty trashed all the time, but eh.

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