by Jeanne Sager
The death of our dishwasher also marked the death of a summer vacation for my family. We won't be going anywhere this summer because we just can't afford it. At least, my husband and I won't be going anywhere. We're sending our child on her own vacation.
It's something we've talked about doing a few times over the years but somehow never got off the ground. But now that she's 8 years old, we've decided it's time.
In a few weeks, she'll pack her bags and we'll pack the car, and she'll be off for a full week with my aunt (her great-aunt) and uncle and my two young cousins. They're so young that although they're my first cousins, they are actually very close to my daughter's age (one is less than a year older than her), but because of distance, they don't get to spend much time together.
This vacation for my daughter will fix that, will help bridge the gap that we generally have to mend with phone calls and online gaming. She can't wait. She's already got plans of games they'll play and toys she will bring.
For her, it's an adventure, the first of its kind. She's never been away from us for much more than a night or two, and even then it was just 20 minutes away at a friend's house or her grandparents'.
This will be the first time she's totally Mom and Dad-free for an extended period of time, far enough away that a call home won't (can't) bring us running. We will both be working that week, unable to drop everything and run if she gets a little homesick. It's one of the reasons we've waited so long, and why we're still uneasy about sending her to stay with grandparents who live nearly a day's drive away.
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But it had to happen.
As Michael Thompson, a clinical psychologist, opined in The New York Times this weekend, "As a parent there are many things you cannot do for you children."
Thompson was criticizing parents who refuse to send their kids away to sleepaway camps (not the ones who can't afford it but parents who just won't cut the apron strings) because he sees them impeding their kids' growth. As he said:
You cannot give your child confidence, you cannot pick or manage his or her friendships, you cannot always be his or her advocate/agent/manager/coach. Most parents cannot get their children to turn off electronics, especially in the summer, and most important, parents have a hard time urging their children to take psychological risks.
These are all reasons we're sending our daughter to Camp Aunt C. this summer. She needs to spend time with her cousins without us hovering, to learn to listen to another adult's rules, to live life the way another family lives for more than just one night.
A vacation away from Mom and Dad will be good for her emotionally. It will help her grow.
And I won't lie: after a month of summer vacation as a work-at-home mom with a kid constantly underfoot (even with babysitters trying to keep her occupied), I'm looking forward to it. As a number of parents admitted on Today Moms this week, vacationing without the kids is good for them!
Would you be able to send your child on a vacation without you?
I have before. He spent Spring Break with my sister and she took him to MO to visit our family up there. He just got back from spending another week with her this summer. He loves it, she loves it and I love it. I trust her with him and he adores spending time with his Nini. It is a win-win for everyone. Yeah, I miss him, but that is ok. I get a lot of stuff done while he is gone.
July 15, 2013 at 4:32 PMI wish I had someone we trusted enough to take our kids for a week, lol. I would let my mil take them, but we live with her so that wouldn't be a vacation ;). I do hint at her taking them camping, maybe she will sometime and DH and I can have some kid free and mil free time alone together.
No I would not. I was sent on vacations like that to friends & family's houses as a child at different ages & something bad always happened. I am not talking about little bad I am talking child abuse, child molestation bad. My parents trusted those people to take care of me & they didn't they did bad to me or they took me around people that did bad things to me. I know that if my parents knew they would have never let me go with any of them but that's the thing my parents believed me to be safe & with people they trusted. Now as a parent I don't trust anyone with my kids for more then a few hours & even then only select people are trusted.
My daughter has done short camps like over a weekend before for Scouts. As my son gets older, so will he. Missie also just went to Scout camp for 6 days. She's 12. I see no reason for a child younger than that to be sent away to help them. I'mnot judging people who do it. It's just not something I understand.
July 15, 2013 at 7:00 PM
I'd love to send them but they have never wanted to go or had people we trusted at all.
I can and do. We did sleep-away camp for all of them starting around 8, including camps in Spain and Russia. We've done student exchanges with families in Spain and Japan (ages 13 and up). It has done wonders for their confidence and maturity (not to mention improving foreign language skills).
by BoobahJuly 15, 2013 at 9:29 PMNo
Sorry I was abused as a child and I worry myself sick if they are gone for more than 24 hours. I do however ensure they have lots of room to become self assured and if they ever ask for sleep away camp and they can go together then I might be ok with it. But they have to be together so they can protect one another. Though I would not tell them that.
July 17, 2013 at 9:27 AM
While they haven't yet (7 and 5) I can't wait for them to go to summer camps. LOL My husband loved going to camps as a kid, I didn't do anything over summers. We don't have anyone to take them now. Having had our first nine months after getting married, I'd love the kids to be gone for five to seven day so hubby and I could spend time together.