Homeschooling Moms

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Precious333
started to panic
July 5, 2013 at 11:53 AM
My oldest will be in secons grade next year. DH is against homeschooling still. I really feel like there is no convincing him, no matter how much our kids are learning, and how well behaved they are. We went to my nephews bday party and many of the kids there were just aweful! Two kids started picking on our son, dh didnt interfer and just watched, and our son handled it ok said DH.

Anyways, dh got a settlement from his motorcycle accident, which means we can pay off some debt, hopefully get him a car and possibly move. The deal was that unless we move to a better school district the kids will be homeschooled. So, now he wants to start looking in those areas! I started to.panic, almost started.crying and started to get so angry about it. We need to.move.to a bigger place, but I'd rather stay in our tiny place and homeschool than move and put the kids in.school. Also, i have three.kids and another on the way, i would really like a chance to homeschool each of them! Homeschooling really is where my heart is!!!

Replies

  • Precious333
    July 6, 2013 at 3:44 PM
    Yep! I honestly see public school as a waste of time.


    Quoting TidewaterClan:

     I really enjoyed volunteering, and learned some wonderful things from all of the teachers I've worked with.  Plus I could see firsthand what my daughters were working on and help if they needed it.


    The only rough part was finding open slots.  My oldest daughter's class has a ton of PTO board member parents, and they always get first dibs.  I was able to help in the library during her time, so there's usually something (no one else wants to do).  :)  My younger daughter's classes haven't had as many involved parents so I've been fortunate to help in math, language arts, regular art, etc.


    The bad thing is I'll bet a thousand dollars your co-op offers more socializing time than ps!  The children have to sit still and listen all day just so the teachers can cover the material and try to make it meaningful to each of the 20+ children.  In the cafeteria they're lucky to be able to quietly talk to each other, and recess is only 15 minutes and ONLY if they completed all their classwork.  Which is sad; I'd rather have seen it as homework and let them burn off some energy.


    Quoting Precious333:

    I know i wi be able to homeschoolinf next year, I have the kids already enrolled in a charter and i have already made other commitments and investments for next year that DH agreed to, if the kids have to go to ps the following year than i will be volunteering, the issue woild than be finding childcare for the younger two.

    Counseling would be somethinf i would like, however dh refuses to have anymore discussions on homeschooling or a select few other issues, so maybe going by myself would be a good idea.

    Quoting TidewaterClan: I've been married 16 years, and went about 10 years ago.  DH wouldn't go with me but the counselor said she actually liked it better when the person who wanted help came since they were able to listen without interruptions. :)  She was great and a tremendous help for me.
    This will be our first year hs, and one of the main reasons is because there wasn't a chance to learn during class (too many interruptions from 10 children constantly acting up - saw it firsthand when volunteering).  We continually had to make up classwork at home and THEN do homework.  I'm looking forward to more family time AND more time to play with friends.  I don't know if that would help your side of the debate, but my dh (not huge on hs initially) is actually on board with dd having more fun time.
     
    Quoting Precious333:We have done it before. Maybe he will be willing again, i dont know.

    Quoting TidewaterClan:Does your insurance allow you any counselor visits? Even if he won't go it would be wonderful for YOU to have someone who can give you solutions to work WITH your husband on your marriage & NOT for him.
     

     


  • TidewaterClan
    July 6, 2013 at 4:05 PM

     Definitely!

    Quoting Precious333:

    Yep! I honestly see public school as a waste of time.
  • tuffymama
    July 7, 2013 at 10:56 AM
    Can you line up help for the littles so you can focus on strengthening your case (or finding a permanent way out of your predicament)? To me, it seems like there will never be a winner in your situation, and since you are not the abuser in the relationship, you should do what you know best to do. And your husband IS abusing you. Tantrums, ultimatums, threats, and belittling are ploys used by abusers to control their victims. I don't know. I wish I could advise you on what to do about your kids' schooling, but that would be a bit like helping you weed your garden while your house is on fire anyway.
  • Precious333
    July 7, 2013 at 11:13 AM
    What do you mean "line up help for my littles?' Like have someone watch them while I school? Usually they dont get in the way, its never an issue homeschooling while they are around, however it has been difficult keeping up with house work etc. Last year (as well as this year) i had them in a public charterschool because they pay for curriculum and classes, i found that to be a way dh may agree (dh enjoyed taking our oldest to karate that we normally wouldnt be able to afford).

    As far as being abused, i do agree that dh can be manipulative at times and do things that are not healthy for a marriage, but no one is.perfect. I dont believe he is an abusive husband. When we almost divorces there were many issues, and I went to him and told him he could decide on homeschooling or not (honestly something i regret), and i didnt say it because he gave me an ultimatum. He told me a few months later that me saying that was one of the factors for sticking through our marriage. So, after that there have been a few comments in which he reminded me of that.


    Quoting tuffymama:

    Can you line up help for the littles so you can focus on strengthening your case (or finding a permanent way out of your predicament)? To me, it seems like there will never be a winner in your situation, and since you are not the abuser in the relationship, you should do what you know best to do. And your husband IS abusing you. Tantrums, ultimatums, threats, and belittling are ploys used by abusers to control their victims. I don't know. I wish I could advise you on what to do about your kids' schooling, but that would be a bit like helping you weed your garden while your house is on fire anyway.

  • tuffymama
    July 7, 2013 at 12:20 PM
    Quoting Precious333:



    So he basically said, "because you agreed to submit, I decided not to leave." Same thing.
  • Precious333
    July 7, 2013 at 12:26 PM
    Sigh, yeah, we need counseling.


    Quoting tuffymama:

    Quoting Precious333:




    So he basically said, "because you agreed to submit, I decided not to leave." Same thing.

  • tuffymama
    July 7, 2013 at 12:38 PM
    Listen, I've been there. An abuser is seductive. They have us by the short and curlies so long as we love them, especially if we have kids with them. If he isn't hitting you, abusing drugs or alcohol, or hurting the kids IN ANY WAY, you don't have to leave. But it is your responsibility to show your kids how to make a relationship happy and healthy if you don't leave. You do it and do it and do it until it works or it doesn't. If he won't go with you to a good counselor, go alone. Work on you AND make a feasible contingency plan while you have the opportunity to do it, and the best case scenario is that you don't need that contingency plan for going on without him, and he commits to being a participant in your marriage and as a father. I know how hard it is to even admit to yourself in quiet, dark moments that he is actually abusing you. Would you allow one of your kids to throw fits and make threats to force you to give you what they want, especially when you know it isn't for the best? Probably not. Don't let him do this. Someone needing his level of control means he isn't happy, either, but you and the kids are not his chattel just because he can't get his own head together. You can do right with him or without him. Trust me. I've lived poor and happy and I've lived wealthy and suicidal. Money isn't worth the paper it is printed on and "protection" is a state of mind.
  • Precious333
    July 7, 2013 at 1:03 PM
    Lots to.process here. My mom's opinion is that he is controling, his mom's opinion is that our marital problems is because Im stubborn and wont compromise or submit, DH thinks I am the one making all the decisions for the kids. I honestly dont think I am controling, but can be stubborn, but stubbornness isnt always bad when you are doing what you can to protect the ones you love, and what is morally right. So much to process here.


    Quoting tuffymama:

    Listen, I've been there. An abuser is seductive. They have us by the short and curlies so long as we love them, especially if we have kids with them. If he isn't hitting you, abusing drugs or alcohol, or hurting the kids IN ANY WAY, you don't have to leave. But it is your responsibility to show your kids how to make a relationship happy and healthy if you don't leave. You do it and do it and do it until it works or it doesn't. If he won't go with you to a good counselor, go alone. Work on you AND make a feasible contingency plan while you have the opportunity to do it, and the best case scenario is that you don't need that contingency plan for going on without him, and he commits to being a participant in your marriage and as a father. I know how hard it is to even admit to yourself in quiet, dark moments that he is actually abusing you. Would you allow one of your kids to throw fits and make threats to force you to give you what they want, especially when you know it isn't for the best? Probably not. Don't let him do this. Someone needing his level of control means he isn't happy, either, but you and the kids are not his chattel just because he can't get his own head together. You can do right with him or without him. Trust me. I've lived poor and happy and I've lived wealthy and suicidal. Money isn't worth the paper it is printed on and "protection" is a state of mind.

  • AutymsMommy
    July 7, 2013 at 1:07 PM


    I guess I'm a bit confused. What exactly makes him an abuser in this situation? That he is insisting, as readily as the OP is, that the children attend a school of his choosing? That he cries and throws a fit over it - as the OP admitted SHE had cried and been visibly upset about it?


    Quoting tuffymama:

    Listen, I've been there. An abuser is seductive. They have us by the short and curlies so long as we love them, especially if we have kids with them. If he isn't hitting you, abusing drugs or alcohol, or hurting the kids IN ANY WAY, you don't have to leave. But it is your responsibility to show your kids how to make a relationship happy and healthy if you don't leave. You do it and do it and do it until it works or it doesn't. If he won't go with you to a good counselor, go alone. Work on you AND make a feasible contingency plan while you have the opportunity to do it, and the best case scenario is that you don't need that contingency plan for going on without him, and he commits to being a participant in your marriage and as a father. I know how hard it is to even admit to yourself in quiet, dark moments that he is actually abusing you. Would you allow one of your kids to throw fits and make threats to force you to give you what they want, especially when you know it isn't for the best? Probably not. Don't let him do this. Someone needing his level of control means he isn't happy, either, but you and the kids are not his chattel just because he can't get his own head together. You can do right with him or without him. Trust me. I've lived poor and happy and I've lived wealthy and suicidal. Money isn't worth the paper it is printed on and "protection" is a state of mind.



  • Precious333
    July 7, 2013 at 1:11 PM
    I never threw a fit over homeschooling. Dh has thrown a fit over homeschooling. I am open to compromising, DH has always been all or nothing. I did however set my foot down and say that there are.certain school districts i will not enroll the kids in.


    Quoting AutymsMommy:


    I guess I'm a bit confused. What exactly makes him an abuser in this situation? That he is insisting, as readily as the OP is, that the children attend a school of his choosing? That he cries and throws a fit over it - as the OP admitted SHE had cried and been visibly upset about it?



    Quoting tuffymama:

    Listen, I've been there. An abuser is seductive. They have us by the short and curlies so long as we love them, especially if we have kids with them. If he isn't hitting you, abusing drugs or alcohol, or hurting the kids IN ANY WAY, you don't have to leave. But it is your responsibility to show your kids how to make a relationship happy and healthy if you don't leave. You do it and do it and do it until it works or it doesn't. If he won't go with you to a good counselor, go alone. Work on you AND make a feasible contingency plan while you have the opportunity to do it, and the best case scenario is that you don't need that contingency plan for going on without him, and he commits to being a participant in your marriage and as a father. I know how hard it is to even admit to yourself in quiet, dark moments that he is actually abusing you. Would you allow one of your kids to throw fits and make threats to force you to give you what they want, especially when you know it isn't for the best? Probably not. Don't let him do this. Someone needing his level of control means he isn't happy, either, but you and the kids are not his chattel just because he can't get his own head together. You can do right with him or without him. Trust me. I've lived poor and happy and I've lived wealthy and suicidal. Money isn't worth the paper it is printed on and "protection" is a state of mind.





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