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KrissyKC
How do you deal with a complainer/grumbler?
May 10, 2013 at 7:02 PM

I have tried to get excited, cheer him on, have fun with the stuff myself...etc. He is just so.. uh... ho-hum about his life.

He's actually my easier kid usually, but what I'm noticing is he'll only do what he HAS to do and nothing more. I'm actually not talking so much about school work. He moans and groans about that sometimes, but I'm more concerned he just hangs back and doesn't DO other stuff.

Like, he wants so much to be on a baseball team and gets pumped and excited. Then at practice he kicks the dirt and stares at the coach like he just sprouted three heads. I suggested a short baseball camp this year and he got upset and started crying because he didn't want to. However, next year the boys are more competitive, and he will not be happy with himself if he falls behind. It was a daycamp for 3 hrs a day... he wouldn't tell me why he didn't want to.. he just grumbled and complained.

Then I let him play with his new legos most of the day (bought with his own money) and when he wanted to switch tasks, I told him he had to practice choir and instrument first and he threw another cry-baby whining session again.

This goes on for EVERYTHING. He is ho-hum about everything in his life. He stands and watches life go by, really.

He can hit a ball pretty good, and now he swings the bat REALLY slowly making very little effort. However, when I suggested maybe he just didn't want to be in baseball he fell to pieces in tears again. He won't really talk to me about it either... he just nods his head and say, "ok, yes maam, ok..." in that generic, quick way that means he's not really listening. oh, he's almost 9.

Replies

  • KrissyKC
    May 10, 2013 at 7:02 PM

    Ok, when I typed that, I included paragraphs...


  • KrissyKC
    May 10, 2013 at 7:04 PM

    yehaw, it let me go back in and readd the paragraphs...


  • celticdragon77
    May 10, 2013 at 7:51 PM

    I wish I knew what to say.

    I am curious what interests he DOES have. Is he ever lit up about anything? Does he have friends?  

  • usmom3
    by usmom3
    BJ
    May 10, 2013 at 8:04 PM

    I have learned in my pursuit to be a better parent that if a child isn't listening to you it is because they feel as though you don't listen to them! I know you are going to say "I do listen" but do you really when he comes to you & you are busy do you stop & listen or do you tell him to wait or that you don't have time right now? To kids that means you don't care to listen to them & they stop trying to talk to you about things & keep them bottled up inside & go around all ho hum. You can fix it if you just go to him & genuinely say you are sorry for all the times you chose something over him talking to you & then tell him that you are willing to listen & leave it at that, the next time he comes to you to talk actually talk to him righ then. Make him feel like he is importent to you & what he has to sat is importent to you & he will start to talk to you about what is the real problem.

    Maybe baseball is nothing like he thought it would be. practices can be boring & repetitive to some kids. My own son was in T-ball as a little kid & hated practice but loved game day for the first few games but by the end of it all he was so board with it being to repetitive for him that he would sit in the outfield & pick flowers.

  • KrissyKC
    May 10, 2013 at 8:25 PM

    He gets excited about being ON the ball team, but makes no effort to RUN to the base... SWING the bat... Know what I mean?  He jumps and hoots and hollers when he does get a hit or on base, but he doesn't make any real effort to GET there.   He behaves that way about everything.

    Everything sounds cool until he has to practice, KWIM?   I expect some of that, but lately he's been turning on the water works and I'm tired of dealing with an almost 9 yr old boy bawling about having to practice the guitar that he wanted to play.

    His best friend lives an hour away from us, but that's not that far, so we see them frequently and they chat on the phone some.   He has 2 friends in the neighborhood his age he plays with from time to time.   He has several good friends in church that he is in groups with and sees multiple times a week.  He gets along with the boys in choir and baseball, but hasn't made any actual "friends" in those two groups yet.  However, there's no problems in these groups.   The kids like him well enough. 






  • KrissyKC
    May 10, 2013 at 8:28 PM

    Thank you for your insight..  I'll consider what you are saying.   He has always been a rather quiet kid and didn't say much until you got him alone.  He doesn't bring stuff to us, when we felt that something was bugging him, we always had to set up a good "listening scenario" where we would enjoy something with him for a while and just hope he starts talking about what has been on his mind lately.   There is absolutely NO bringing up subjects yourself.   He has to bring it to you, and those times are rare.  He is outgoing enough and likes to be silly, he just doesn't get into his "feelings" much.



    Quoting usmom3:

    I have learned in my pursuit to be a better parent that if a child isn't listening to you it is because they feel as though you don't listen to them! I know you are going to say "I do listen" but do you really when he comes to you & you are busy do you stop & listen or do you tell him to wait or that you don't have time right now? To kids that means you don't care to listen to them & they stop trying to talk to you about things & keep them bottled up inside & go around all ho hum. You can fix it if you just go to him & genuinely say you are sorry for all the times you chose something over him talking to you & then tell him that you are willing to listen & leave it at that, the next time he comes to you to talk actually talk to him righ then. Make him feel like he is importent to you & what he has to sat is importent to you & he will start to talk to you about what is the real problem.

    Maybe baseball is nothing like he thought it would be. practices can be boring & repetitive to some kids. My own son was in T-ball as a little kid & hated practice but loved game day for the first few games but by the end of it all he was so board with it being to repetitive for him that he would sit in the outfield & pick flowers.



  • mem82
    by mem82
    May 10, 2013 at 8:33 PM

    Get a spray bottle. Every time he whines, squirt him in the face like a cat.

    .

    .

    .

     Just kidding! lol

  • KrissyKC
    May 10, 2013 at 8:41 PM

    LOL!!!   DH is getting tired of his not practicing for the things he's involved in and giving me lip over it and whining...   He mentioned not letting him participate in anything first semester next year and let him watch his sisters involved in stuff.   Then, if he wants to be involved after that, he can come to us and discuss the expectations.



    Quoting mem82:

    Get a spray bottle. Every time he whines, squirt him in the face like a cat.

    .

    .

    .

     Just kidding! lol



  • celticdragon77
    May 10, 2013 at 8:41 PM

    You should have seen my face when I read that! 

    Quoting mem82:

    Get a spray bottle. Every time he whines, squirt him in the face like a cat.

    .

    .

    .

     Just kidding! lol


  • mem82
    by mem82
    May 10, 2013 at 8:46 PM

    Hm. Our son Cole is a bit like this. My husband finally told him he isn't allowed to use the phrase, I can't. He can say, in a normal voice, why he doesn't like something, feels he will be bad at it, etc, but he may not whine. Any whining is punished.

    Next, the things I know he wants to do, like choir but won't participate in once he has joined, I make him practice. Make him go and practice hitting and catching for 2 weeks. He will either improve and feel competent which will solve any problems of feeling not good enough, or he won't improve and you'll know he isn't that into it/ serious about it/ talented enough to do it.

    Stop giving him options for a while. It sounds harsh and counter productive but some kids need to be made to succeed in something. As soon as they see that they CAN do it, they are willing to try other things. You can look back and remind him of his success and he'll have confidence.

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