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SM and a step backwards
by leighp1
May 8, 2013 at 7:41 AM

For those that don't know, my dd has Selective Mutism and Social Phobia and we are trying to help her overcome some of her fears and anxieties. By no means am I trying to get her back into the school setting, but since they do offer certain classes to homeschoolers, I thought we would try it out.  I think one thing that scared my daughter was while we were sitting out in the hallway, two girls came past us, both very tall (I actually thought one of them was a high schooler, but she wasn't).  My daughter said, "I am going to be one of the shortest people here".  She is short, but would not be the shortest, but that is her fear.  She will stand out and that is something that Selective Mutes do not like doing.  One of the reasons they don't talk is so they can kind of blend in to the crowd without being heard.

Here is our step backwards. My dd decided that next year she wanted to take band at the public school and I agreed. Well last night was the night for her to go to the school and check out the instruments and try them out and see which one she wanted to learn to play. She picked the trumpet. The teacher was telling her how to do it and she just couldnt' do it. She got embarrassed and then started to cry. I saw the anxiety in her face and we had to stop. The teacher was wonderful!!! He said that we could come back any time and try another instrument if we wanted. I am not sure if she will or not.

We really wanted her to do this. I guess we were still hoping that she could get some interaction with other kids her age. Many people say "socialization", but my child is socialized, she just doesn't like to be around people if she can help it.

Just wish we could find something that she could do and enjoy. She has a hard time expressing herself in words so we really don't know what things she would like to do. I just needed to talk about it.  I feel so bad because she wants friends, she wants to be included, but this darn SM is keeping her from doing it.  She does so great with online people. Wish I could find her a online club for kids where all they had to do was chat, play games and hang out.


  • KrissyKC
    May 8, 2013 at 9:39 AM

    Why not give her a year of private lessons (if you can afford it) and THEN put her in band so she starts already knowing how to blow into and play the instrument a little.  Gives her the opportunity to have the group and social activity be new while not ALSO having just getting used to the instrument as a new experience, too.

  • oredeb
    by oredeb
    May 8, 2013 at 11:35 AM

     good idea krissy!

    also can she start her own online club ?

  • Silverkitty
    May 9, 2013 at 1:32 AM

    We have a selective mute I'm our Girl Scout troop.  She has come a long way this year with he girls and leaders.

  • usmom3
    by usmom3
    May 9, 2013 at 1:49 AM
    Have her play Minecraft or World of Warcraft they have online chatting & you can pick a server to join that is kid oriented or kid friendly. Also has chatting for the kids & games. Have you looked into classes at a community center where she can be around such a large divers group of people to see that being different from others out in the real world is very much the norm.
  • bi-polarmommy
    May 9, 2013 at 1:54 AM

     how about getting her into a writing club, then she can express her self, and how she feels, but she doesn't have to talk about it - she can just write about it and share it with you if she wants, or not share if she wants - but she is still getting it out

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