Homeschooling Moms

MonkeyPeanut79
I get so worried... small update
April 6, 2013 at 9:45 PM

That maybe I'm doing the wrong thing by homeschooling my oldest. He doesn't join in group activites, and he doesn't seem interested in making friends. He did fine when he went to preschool a couple years ago but now when we go out and do stuff he doesn't want to join in.

Went to an Easter party the other day and he did talk to a few kids and was in a large group of boys for awhile but he stayed on the outskirts of the group. Went to a birthday party today and he didn't want to do the roller skating or the mini golf or the laser tag. He didn't really join in and was on the outskirts again.

I'm putting him in more stuff coming up but there is only so much I can do in a week. Am I overreacting? Have any of you dealt with this? I don't know... maybe it would benefit him more to be in school.


Just a quick update. I feel even better than when I posted a response earlier today. I had a long talk with my son and while he couldn't tell me why, he did tell me that he is shy and is scared of trying new things. I asked him if he could say hi to one kid at each of his new classes this week and at cub scouts tomorrow. He looked scared and I told him that you might never know if you could make an awesome friend if you just say hello to someone. So he told me yes, he would do it. I thought that was a fantastic start and I'm really happy we talked. So thanks again ladies. You all gave me lots to think about and to consider. I appreciate it! :)

Replies

  • Knightquester
    April 6, 2013 at 10:00 PM

    I don't know what your week is like or if you're doing homeschooling on top of working or other such things that can consume a day, but joining a co-op where you meet up a few times a week might do your son and even you in some ways good.  Another thing is to have him in an extra curricular activity, or a few of them.

    One of the biggest misconceptions about homeschooling is that we homeschoolers are hermits and stay in our homes all day, but in reality myself and most other homeschool parents I know are involved anddoing a lot outside the home with our children.  Also your son sounds pretty young, he could very well still be at that age where he wants to be around mom and hasn't yet felt comfortable in groups.

    I used to tell my children, even when they were in public school, when we were at parks and they were playing with a kid to introduce themselves and learn their friends name.  I'd walk up and ask them their little friends name (the child they were currently playing with) and teach my children how to interact by asking questions and listening to the other child's reply.  Then when they got a little older (around 1st/2nd grade) I taught them how to ask their friends' parents if they could exchange numbers so they could make sure they were at the park when their friend was, so they could do more play dates.  I don't think being unable to communicate is a homeschool kid thing, I think it's just a thing that fewer and fewer parents are teaching their children now days.  My children introduced themselves and made friends even with their public schooled friends who live down the street because the other kids didn't have the foundation yet in knowing how to start a relationship.

  • bluerooffarm
    April 6, 2013 at 10:12 PM

     How old is he?  How do you know that he wouldn't remain on the outskirts in a school setting?  My 6yo likes to hang back and watch, he thinks and processes everything about a situation before he joins in.  It doesn't matter how often he's with the group of kids, it is just his way. 

  • MonkeyPeanut79
    April 6, 2013 at 10:24 PM

    I'm in two groups on meetup.com we haven't gone to very many things with the group yet so I understand why he didn't really interact with the kids at the Easter party. But, at the birthday party today half the kids there were kids that he has known since birth. I've noticed that he spends more time wanting to talk to the adults than the children. 

    He starts Cub Scouts on Monday so I'm hoping that being with the same group of kids every week will get him out of his shell more. Plus he has two more classes starting next week at our local rec center. I'm just worried that I'm damaging him somehow.

    I do really like what you talked about in your second paragraph. That sounds like something that might work for him so I will be starting to work with him. Thanks :)

    Quoting Knightquester:


    I don't know what your week is like or if you're doing homeschooling on top of working or other such things that can consume a day, but joining a co-op where you meet up a few times a week might do your son and even you in some ways good.  Another thing is to have him in an extra curricular activity, or a few of them.

    One of the biggest misconceptions about homeschooling is that we homeschoolers are hermits and stay in our homes all day, but in reality myself and most other homeschool parents I know are involved anddoing a lot outside the home with our children.  Also your son sounds pretty young, he could very well still be at that age where he wants to be around mom and hasn't yet felt comfortable in groups.

    I used to tell my children, even when they were in public school, when we were at parks and they were playing with a kid to introduce themselves and learn their friends name.  I'd walk up and ask them their little friends name (the child they were currently playing with) and teach my children how to interact by asking questions and listening to the other child's reply.  Then when they got a little older (around 1st/2nd grade) I taught them how to ask their friends' parents if they could exchange numbers so they could make sure they were at the park when their friend was, so they could do more play dates.  I don't think being unable to communicate is a homeschool kid thing, I think it's just a thing that fewer and fewer parents are teaching their children now days.  My children introduced themselves and made friends even with their public schooled friends who live down the street because the other kids didn't have the foundation yet in knowing how to start a relationship.


  • MonkeyPeanut79
    April 6, 2013 at 10:28 PM

    He's 7. I don't know that he wouldn't remain on the outskirts and I know that there is also a chance for him to be ostracized. I just worry a lot because he doesn't want to join in and he always says he's scared of things but won't tell me why. I just forced him to participate in a few things today and he seemed to enjoy them once he started. I just worry, you know?

    Quoting bluerooffarm:

     How old is he?  How do you know that he wouldn't remain on the outskirts in a school setting?  My 6yo likes to hang back and watch, he thinks and processes everything about a situation before he joins in.  It doesn't matter how often he's with the group of kids, it is just his way. 


  • usmom3
    by usmom3
    BJ
    April 6, 2013 at 10:38 PM
    How old is he? Do you have other children? If you do dose he play with them well? Some kids don't like to play with other children regardless of if they are homeschooled or public schooled.
  • OFIH
    by OFIH
    April 7, 2013 at 6:39 AM

    Have you chatted with him about it? Asked him what he's feeling and thinking during those times? And, most importantly, does he even enjoy those activities? Not all kids are running around with 15 kids playing laser tag type people. Some just want to curl up with a good book (that was me) or have one-on-one play times (again, me) with one or two other children that are very close to them. Maybe he's just not interested so he doesn't know how to interact or doesn't want to interact. Might be worth a conversation.

    Maybe, after finding out what he really likes, let him join a group that's geared towards that, extra curricular type activity or club.

  • QueenCreole313
    April 7, 2013 at 6:55 AM


    Quoting OFIH:

    Have you chatted with him about it? Asked him what he's feeling and thinking during those times? And, most importantly, does he even enjoy those activities? Not all kids are running around with 15 kids playing laser tag type people. Some just want to curl up with a good book (that was me) or have one-on-one play times (again, me) with one or two other children that are very close to them. Maybe he's just not interested so he doesn't know how to interact or doesn't want to interact. Might be worth a conversation.

    Maybe, after finding out what he really likes, let him join a group that's geared towards that, extra curricular type activity or club.

    I agree with OFIH. I think he may be an introvert or maybe he has social anxiety when he's around too many people. My son is very sensitive to sound and doesn't like to be around a large group of people (me and my mother are the same way). He's still young. Teach him to be respectful and how to interact whenever he chooses too. I don't think putting him in school with 25+ students is a place where this personality will thrive. It may even make it worse. 

  • romacox
    by romacox
    April 7, 2013 at 8:01 AM

    Mothers have a natural instinct when it comes to their children...trust it.  It sounds like you think he needs more interaction with others in order to develop social skills. 

    I suggest joining a local home school group (co-op) where he can interact with other home school children.  PS children hate talking about things they are learning, and think home educated children are wearied for liking to talk about their subjects.  Also home educated children have a different set of values. 

    To find a local home school group check out your State Home School Association.  They usually list groups on their website. 

  • MonkeyPeanut79
    April 7, 2013 at 9:29 AM

    I just want to say thank you to everyone. You gave me lots to think about. I was just worried yesterday and also made the mistake of talking to a 'friend' that was at the birthday party. She has always competed with me and I listened yesterday instead of letting it go in one ear and out the other. We start Cub Scouts tomorrow and I'm hoping that since it's the same group of boys week after week, my son will start to feel more comfortable with the boys there. I'm also hoping that between my husband and I and the scout leaders we can get him to open up and try new things without so much anxiety. Anyway, thanks so much!

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