Homeschooling Moms

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I get so worried... small update
April 6, 2013 at 9:45 PM

That maybe I'm doing the wrong thing by homeschooling my oldest. He doesn't join in group activites, and he doesn't seem interested in making friends. He did fine when he went to preschool a couple years ago but now when we go out and do stuff he doesn't want to join in.

Went to an Easter party the other day and he did talk to a few kids and was in a large group of boys for awhile but he stayed on the outskirts of the group. Went to a birthday party today and he didn't want to do the roller skating or the mini golf or the laser tag. He didn't really join in and was on the outskirts again.

I'm putting him in more stuff coming up but there is only so much I can do in a week. Am I overreacting? Have any of you dealt with this? I don't know... maybe it would benefit him more to be in school.

Just a quick update. I feel even better than when I posted a response earlier today. I had a long talk with my son and while he couldn't tell me why, he did tell me that he is shy and is scared of trying new things. I asked him if he could say hi to one kid at each of his new classes this week and at cub scouts tomorrow. He looked scared and I told him that you might never know if you could make an awesome friend if you just say hello to someone. So he told me yes, he would do it. I thought that was a fantastic start and I'm really happy we talked. So thanks again ladies. You all gave me lots to think about and to consider. I appreciate it! :)


  • bluerooffarm
    April 7, 2013 at 11:02 AM

     I wouldn't worry too much yet.  I try to let the boys take the lead on these issues.  As he gets older and becomes more comfortable "in his own skin" he'll make some friends in his activities and he'll bloom.  I used to teach high school and I would get to see kids that had been on the outskirts all their lives slowly come into their own.  He has plenty of time to work out what he likes and how he likes to interact.  But if you are very worried, maybe a co-op would be helpful?

    Quoting MonkeyPeanut79:

    He's 7. I don't know that he wouldn't remain on the outskirts and I know that there is also a chance for him to be ostracized. I just worry a lot because he doesn't want to join in and he always says he's scared of things but won't tell me why. I just forced him to participate in a few things today and he seemed to enjoy them once he started. I just worry, you know?

    Quoting bluerooffarm:

     How old is he?  How do you know that he wouldn't remain on the outskirts in a school setting?  My 6yo likes to hang back and watch, he thinks and processes everything about a situation before he joins in.  It doesn't matter how often he's with the group of kids, it is just his way. 


  • debramommyof4
    April 7, 2013 at 11:11 AM
    I do the same with my 7 year old. She has never been social and I have had to teach her. It came natural with my 6 year old.

    Op- I have learned some kids have to be taught how to talk and interact. I thought all kids picked it up from watching adults. My 7 year old taught me that's not the case. She had to be taught how to interact in a regular class, which we never could have done in public school and how to play and talk to children who were not younger than her.

    Quoting Knightquester:

    I don't know what your week is like or if you're doing homeschooling on top of working or other such things that can consume a day, but joining a co-op where you meet up a few times a week might do your son and even you in some ways good.  Another thing is to have him in an extra curricular activity, or a few of them.

    One of the biggest misconceptions about homeschooling is that we homeschoolers are hermits and stay in our homes all day, but in reality myself and most other homeschool parents I know are involved anddoing a lot outside the home with our children.  Also your son sounds pretty young, he could very well still be at that age where he wants to be around mom and hasn't yet felt comfortable in groups.

    I used to tell my children, even when they were in public school, when we were at parks and they were playing with a kid to introduce themselves and learn their friends name.  I'd walk up and ask them their little friends name (the child they were currently playing with) and teach my children how to interact by asking questions and listening to the other child's reply.  Then when they got a little older (around 1st/2nd grade) I taught them how to ask their friends' parents if they could exchange numbers so they could make sure they were at the park when their friend was, so they could do more play dates.  I don't think being unable to communicate is a homeschool kid thing, I think it's just a thing that fewer and fewer parents are teaching their children now days.  My children introduced themselves and made friends even with their public schooled friends who live down the street because the other kids didn't have the foundation yet in knowing how to start a relationship.

  • Leissaintexas
    April 7, 2013 at 3:46 PM

    Ok, I see this differently. You say that he seems more comfortable talking to adults. Well, isn't that really a good thing?  I mean, that's what they are going to end up being, right? So isn't that an important skill to have? I can't tell you how frustrating (and rude) it is to meet someone's public school children, and they can't even make eye contact, let alone converse, with an adult. We are so busy making sure they have "same age peers" that we neglect to teach our children real socialization.  My kids will gladly and easily interact with all ages, small toddlers, elderly, teenagers,etc. and will admit to having trouble with kids their own age. It could be that they sense that they really have nothing in common with most public schooled kids. And that's ok. Give him time and allow him an opportunity to have friends of all ages and don't try to segregate by age.

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