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Am I being too demanding of my husband? edited
by LovemyQ
March 12, 2013 at 6:40 PM

My dh gets to work at 7 - 7:30 as an engineer for one of the Big Three auto companies. He usually gets home at 6:00. He has an hour drive home, so he generally leaves work at 5 or after.

DS has activites that start at 6 twice a week, and dh bowls 1x a week. I am supposed to drive ds to activites then we usually go out to dinner after. DH works late and meets us at the activity. We get home 8 pm-ish

After having my son the entire day along with regular housekeeping, I would like to have a rest. Having him almost the entire day, three days a week is getting too much for me. Dh will come home sometimes to drive ds to activity if I really need it, but shouldn't he just do it more often? Is that so much to ask?

I guess I should edit to say that from Tuesday morning to Friday around 6 pm I have my son with no help. I have MS which drains my energy, but still. Is it more my disease, empty complaining, or real issues?


  • usmom3
    by usmom3
    March 12, 2013 at 6:51 PM

     I really am no help with this question. My hubby works from 12 noon to 10PM Mon-Fri & is off on the weekends, I am with our 3 children pretty much all the time. I intentionally don't have the kids do activities on the weekends so they can be with their Dad & do things with him, because of his schedule it is always up to me to get them to their activities. I don't have a problem with it maybe if he was available more during the week I would feel differently.

  • BramblePatch
    March 12, 2013 at 7:02 PM
    No help here. I am a single mom. You are lucky to have someone willing to work hard to support your family. My ex husband was a lazy POS.
  • No_Difference
    March 12, 2013 at 7:19 PM

     My hubby works some pretty rediculous hours and they're constantly changing. If I even ask if he can watch the kids for 15 minutes on his "day off" so I can get some down time, he gets all cranky with me, demanding to know when he gets a day off of work.(I'd love to know when my day off is then if watching the kids for 15 minutes is "work")  I don't think I'm much help either... :/

  • JuicyRedTomato
    March 12, 2013 at 7:20 PM

    Isn't this the universal question?

    If you find an answer please pass it on....I'd like to know myself. :)

  • Knightquester
    March 12, 2013 at 7:23 PM

    You're lucky to have your husband home so early.  My husband gets up at 5:30am and leaves and isn't able to get home until 7:30-8 o'clock at night.  I am grateful because my husband is such a hard worker, but I do miss spending time with him.  He takes the trash out every day, he takes care of his cats every day and he takes care of dinner every Sunday, but outside those things I don't demand or expect anything more from him.

    He has had a day of work, just as I have, and so neither one of us are better for the wear.  My work doesn't end until the kids are in bed, but I at least am able to pace myself and if I don't feel well I'm able to change plans or go slower.  My husband has work regardless if he doesn't feel well, didn't get much sleep or is having a bad day.

    I would talk to your husband and just ask him if you can have a few hours in the week to yourself just like he has his few hours to himself bowling.  Then take those one or two hours and do something for yourself, but I would schedule them at a time where it isn't making your husband feel rushed at having to come home.  The good news is your son will get older and become more independent and responsible which will cause your stress load to decrease, however your husbands work load and the stress it gives him every day won't lesson over time.

  • Meena20
    by Meena20
    March 12, 2013 at 7:34 PM
    You have your kid for three days and you are tired? I have my kids everyday of the week. I only get three hours away from them while they are in school. Why dont you discuss it with your hubby about it.
  • clippingmom
    March 12, 2013 at 7:40 PM

    Lets see I have 3 kids ages 12, 10, and 8. Dh is gone and I mean like GONE for long periods of time he left mid january and just got home last fri and is gone for two days this week.

    SO ME just ME cares for the kids I attend school full time. Our 12 YO DD is active in sports, clubs at school plus has 2 dance classes on monday. Poor ds has nothing. and dd #3 has ice skating on mondays and dance on thurs. I am very active in their school and am president of the PTO. so I work addmissions to games in emergency and concessions too. among many other things.

    YES you are over reacting be thankful you have what you have!

  • kirbymom
    March 12, 2013 at 8:10 PM

    I am not too sure if it is asking too much in and of itsel but from one who used to drive about 700 miles in a day 6 days a week, I can tell you that the simple act of driving is extremely hard on a mind and on a body.  It is very tiring and taxing. It drains the body of almost every bit of energy one would have and that is just from driving.  

    Have you tried explaining that yes, you chose this decision to be home with the kids and all that that entails but you still need some adult company in order for your own mind to be enriched and staying on track for an adult.  That just as he needs to be with adults to feel and act like an adult, so do you need the very same things for yourself. 

    As long as you talk calmly and respectfully, you two should be able to converse together on the same page and have an understanding. :)   

  • RockEducation
    March 12, 2013 at 8:16 PM

     He's probably ragged out from the drive (one hour one way right?). I use to work 66 hours a week with a drive of 70 minutes one way. I was crisp by the time I got home.

  • LovemyQ
    by LovemyQ
    March 12, 2013 at 8:56 PM

    I have him every day, but those three day takes a lot out of me. I have him non-stop from Tues. am to Fri pm.

    Quoting Meena20:

    You have your kid for three days and you are tired? I have my kids everyday of the week. I only get three hours away from them while they are in school. Why dont you discuss it with your hubby about it.

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