Who is the main disciplinarian in your home? at my house its always me who handles the discipline, and sometimes that gets to me because I was raised a home where it was the father's responsibility. However, my husband was raised in a home we're there was no discipline at all and he has a tough time doing it. It's aggravating....
Most of the time it is me. It gets to me too because I was raised in a family with the father as the disciplinarian too, but hubby was raised by wolves. He was often beat and screamed at, called names, had stuff thrown at him, was slammed against walls, etc. He does NOT know how to discipline the kids at all! His expectations are too high and he has a hard time knowing how to discipline without over doing it or breaking their spirit. I know in my head that it has to be me, but it still gets frustrating sometimes.
I know thats a tough spot to be in. Are the 2 of you in agreement on how todiscipline the kids? This is important. A lot of times the mom is the main disciplinarian because she is home with them. I hope that he supports you in how you handle discipline (and lets the kids know). If you have boys, it can get tough around the age of 12 on, if the Dad is not involved. They are wanting to be men and it was easier for me to be able to say "Your Dad wants you to...." "Take it up with your Dad".
I have to say that it is the both of us but I wouldn't mind it being hubby more than me just because i don't like having to be the heavy. :) Before we got married, we decided how we wanted to handle discipline and what we could compromise on and what we couldn't compromise on. And found a middle ground. We try to stick to that as much as possible too.
I feel like it is ME that does most of the disciplining. When I seem to be failing to get my point across he steps in. Sometimes he overdoes it, but we NEVER discuss that issue in front of the kids. It is always behind closed doors. It is really hard on me b/c I want to be able to be the fun parent, but we are the dolling our the punishments on a consistent basis that sucks the fun right out of you. I have to learn how to punish or get my point across w/o yelling. I grew up in a house where yelling was the "answer to all with a spanking attached". I don't do the spankings, but the yelling is driving me and the rest of my house crazy. My SO grew up in a home with a calm even keeled parent that was a psych major.....she needed that in order to parent the kid with severe ADHD. This is ALL a learning process b/c they sure don't come with instruction manuals. LOL
Its mostly me because DH works crazy hours and shifts. He's gone 14-15 hours a day and it alternates days and nights. When he is home he takes care of what he can. When the kids start flat out disrespecting me he reminds them that he is behind me 110% on whatever decision I have made and they are to listen to me. I'm their step mom so sometimes I don't feel like its my place to discipline, but if I don't then they won't get much at all. And we have to be very consistent with them and discipline has to happen now and not later otherwise it doesn't stick or make sense to them.
DH and I share disciplinary duties. I'm home more than DH is, so I handle small things as they arise and tell DH about them when we talk on the phone or when he gets home. If it's a big issue, DH and I talk about it before we decide (together) how to handle things. We want the kids to know that they can't play one of us over the other, so we present ourselves as a team.