So I've typed this up a few times before but I never post it, because I feel guilty asking for help. But I need help. I can't do this on my own anymore. My ex wants me to move back to Oklahoma, not because he wants to see Zach, he's never had any interest in Zach, but because he thinks I'll sleep with him. He's never had any inhterest in Zach at all. Don't get me wrong, he's willing to help out financially as much as possible, but he doesn't want to be around Zach. He doesn't like Zach because Zach isn't "normal."
Right now I'm in Oregon staying with my sister, which isn't helping my stress level at all. My sister no longer pays any bills here, even though it's her place. I pay the rent, the electric bill, the phone, and the internet. I buy 90% off the food because she spends her food stamps on junk food. I even pay for her storage unit because nobody else will even though there are only two small boxes in there that belong to me. I also do all of the household chores at my sister's place. I do all the dishes, the laundry, the vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, all of it. I cook most of the food. She won't even take out the garbage, she'd rather let it pile up. and rot in the kitchen. And, though all of this, she blames ME for things not being clean enough around here. She says if I weren't here the place would be spotless. She really believes that she is the one paying the bills and cleaning the house. She's not even willing to get off her ass in the morning to take her dog outside. Speaking of which, she also doesn't buy food for her dog so I end up buying it because I'm not going to sit around and watch the poor thing starve. She's turning into our mother and she doesn't realize it. That worries me, because now I'm afraid I might be next. My brother is already like our mother: compulsive liar, alcoholic, paranoid, bordering on schizophrenic. And now my sister is following suit. I'm worried the same thing might happen to me when I get to that age. And, of course, the rest of my family is no help at all. They think everything wrong with Zach is my fault. Nobody is willing to help me at all.
This is only the tip of the iceberg of stress in my life. I feel like I'm being crushed and I have nowhere to go. I don't even have people to talk to. I'm so exhausted. Even when I reach out for help my cries fall on deaf ears. I hate being so alone and isolated.
by Bluerose1482January 30 at 2:02 PMI'm really not sure what to say. If you are paying all the bills at your sister's house why not use your resources to get your own place. If you'd like to resume a relationship with your ex, you could move there. Otherwise why not move out of your sister's house and get a place near where she lives?
by TeapotHotJanuary 30 at 2:22 PM
Move into your own place. Do it for yourself. It sounds like you do it all.
by amonkeymomJanuary 30 at 3:41 PM
I don't know that moving back to OK is the answer (and I probably wouldn't do it), but it does sound like you need to get away from your sister's home and find a place for you and Zach that is healthier and a less stressful place for you to live. I'm sure you can get housing assistance if necessary in order to find a place to live that is safer for your family.
January 30 at 5:26 PMYes! Exactly!
The worst thing for you and Zach is to be around such negative people who don't care or understand who Zach is. Please try to find a way to be on your own and away from all of them!
Believe me, the problem isn't Zach!
I'm really not sure what to say. If you are paying all the bills at your sister's house why not use your resources to get your own place. If you'd like to resume a relationship with your ex, you could move there. Otherwise why not move out of your sister's house and get a place near where she lives?
by GELizJanuary 30 at 7:36 PM
I agree with everyone else. If you can afford to pay for everything at your sisters, go get an apartment. Find a support group. The first thing to do would be to go to local churches and ask if there are any organizations that could help you find support and an apartment. You shouldn't have to be so alone. There are a lot of people out there who could be supportive. Sometimes there are apartments available in people's homes. Start looking and asking. You are in need of some nurturing. don;t move back if you think the only reason is he wants to get you in bed again.
by MommyRJJanuary 30 at 7:40 PMGet your own place. Distance is key in not repeating cycles. We moved from our families because we both refuse to be like our parents were. It helps. ALOT. So just get your own place.
Then.. Apply with human services for respite care. Get someone in your home to help. Ours just started and it's been nice so far!!
January 31 at 12:20 AM
Thanks for the replies. Believe me, though, if I could get my own place I would, but it's not that easy. Being able to pay the monthly bills is one thing, but having the money to pay deposits on a new place and utilities is a whole other story. Plus I don't have the income to qualify at most places. I have applied for low income housing, but the wait list is over a year long.