Autism: Support Across the Spectrum
When I say he is verbal, I mean he NEVER STOPS TALKING. He is just like every other chatty kid his age with a million questions and observations. The problem is what he says. He says the same things over and over again. He asks questions he already knows the answer to. And then he will ask it again in another way. He will question why, why, why. Mom, mom, mom. "Do you like trains? Have you ever ridden in a train? Would you like to ride in a train some day?" And he will ask those same things every single day multiple times. If I don't answer, he just keeps asking until I do. Sometimes when he is talking to me, I will tell him I do not feel like talking and I need quiet time. To this he says, "But can I talk to you?" Me: "No, honey, I just said I need quiet time." Him: "But I want to talk to you." And on and on it goes. The worst part is I have no clue what to talk to him about! Whenever I try to talk to him about something spontaneous he usually ignores me and just continues on with his own train of thought.
The other thing is, he is constantly asking me to play with him. But he wants to play the same things over and over in exactly the same way. Trains, cars, monster trucks, etc. he will play out the same scenarios over and over again. He will tell me what to say. If I try to guide the play in a different direction, he ignores me and takes over. If I suggest coloring or building with blocks or anything that requires us to do separate projects, he will pay more attention to what I am doing and will try to take over or tell me I am doing it wrong.
I feel so guilty because I am so fed up, I find any excuse to not interact with him. I tell him I need to clean or do chores. I ask if he wants to help me and he says no.
But then again he says no to everything. Everything is a battle and a tantrum. He wants to do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it, how he wants to do it. He fights me on everything. He throws fits over everything! I am going insane!
He goes to special Ed preschool through our school district twice a week. But our district/county is so broke, the program is a joke. They aren't doing anything for him. In fact, they are making him worse. He is so smart and manipulative. Instead of expecting him to listen and cooperate, they reward him for doing everything which ends up hurting me because I tell him to do something and he says, "What am I going to get?" I have had meetings with his teachers before, but I still feel like I have no communication with them.
I don't know what to do. I can't afford another program for him. I can't afford private therapy. Our health insurance won't cover it, and there aren't any resources in our broke county/state. He is considered so mild that he barely qualifies for any services as it is. He is stuck in the middle: not disabled enough to get services but not typical enough to function in a mainstream setting.
My mom works at a small private school that is very structured and one on one. He has an interview with the 4k teacher this afternoon. My mom is part of admissions and she told me that she is honestly worried that they are not equipped to handle his needs. If he does go there (starting in the fall) it will be Monday through Friday from 8-3.
On top of all this, I am due to have a baby in April. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to help him! I don't know how to interact with him. I feel like a failure!
This has become much longer than I meant it to....so I will just stop.
Replies
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I wish I had that problem. I would love to hear my daughter asking me things in 5 different ways, or wanting me to play with her all the time. My daughter is not able to put a sentence together, and is moderate to severe. You're obviously tired, you're pregnant, its not easy to be so busy all the time, I get it.
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I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I am very happy and grateful that he talks! It just worries me because of school. Other kids don't know how to deal with him because he is so "in your face" and then he gets violent if they try to push him away.
Quoting VioletsMomTown:
I wish I had that problem. I would love to hear my daughter asking me things in 5 different ways, or wanting me to play with her all the time. My daughter is not able to put a sentence together, and is moderate to severe. You're obviously tired, you're pregnant, its not easy to be so busy all the time, I get it.
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You are not a failure, you're a loving Mum or it wouldn't bother you what your son needs. I know it is hard, my 16 year old is a non stop talker, he has to tell you things all the time. Before he was diagnosed I knew he was gifted but thought I must have spoilt him too much as he was not like his older brothers. I would be held in never ending conversations with him as a toddler, even putting him in his cot he needed to have the last word. It all made sense once he was diagnosed but getting the diagnosis doesn't cure him. He loved reading but would go thru them at such a rate I couldn't keep up - still does but internet a wonderful tool. I feel guilty sometimes but my friends have repeatedly reminded me that my son is doing really well and having a break from him IS NOT A CRIME, I need time to recharge my batteries so that I can look after my son properly.
Look after yourself my dear, you do a wonderful job and you just need to see that. x
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Thanks for sharing about your son :)
Quoting lemonade1:
You are not a failure, you're a loving Mum or it wouldn't bother you what your son needs. I know it is hard, my 16 year old is a non stop talker, he has to tell you things all the time. Before he was diagnosed I knew he was gifted but thought I must have spoilt him too much as he was not like his older brothers. I would be held in never ending conversations with him as a toddler, even putting him in his cot he needed to have the last word. It all made sense once he was diagnosed but getting the diagnosis doesn't cure him. He loved reading but would go thru them at such a rate I couldn't keep up - still does but internet a wonderful tool. I feel guilty sometimes but my friends have repeatedly reminded me that my son is doing really well and having a break from him IS NOT A CRIME, I need time to recharge my batteries so that I can look after my son properly.
Look after yourself my dear, you do a wonderful job and you just need to see that. x
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I totally get it--the echolalia is maddening. Can you apply for MA for therapies?
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I am not sure what MA is?
Quoting BKozICan:
I totally get it--the echolalia is maddening. Can you apply for MA for therapies?
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Take him to the train tracks and watch for trains. Talk about the trains that you see? Where they have been? Where they might be going? Look up and see where the tracks pass, learn about different cities that the tracks pass through. The tracks near my house go from California to Florida. Talk about what they might be carrying in the different kinds of cars. Buy him a reference book about trains. My son has, "The Encyclopedia of Trains and Locomotives". Show him youtube videos of different trains. Ride amtrack for a short distance (we rode from one stop to the next, was about $8 per ticket). My dad dropped us off at one station and picked us up at another. Take a vaction to ride a steam train. We rode the one in Cumberland Maryland and the one in East Texas. We have videos of most of the steam rides you can take. They show the train and shots from the train while it is running.
Branch out from trains and take him to the airport. Park where you can see planes taking off and landing. We used to get up early and go to the heliport and watch helicopters take off at dawn sometimes.
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My son is the same way. He is 9 now and his topics moved from trains, jets, cars and trucks to sea life, animals, and those stupid Hero Factory toys. He now will tell me facts about sharks and whales, then in the same breath ask me about what he just said, i.e. "a fully grown sperm whale can eat anything, including squid! Can a fully grown sperm whale eat squid? What do you think?" Or he goes into fighting statistics of whales vs sharks, where they live, the average shark attacks vs whale attacks (surprisingly a lot of whale attacks). He goes for hours if he can find someone willing to listen. Thankfully, when others get tired of listening and brush/push him off, he forgets them and goes on talking to himself.
But the constant repetitive talking can get nerve wracking. We put up with it for a long time due to him being nonverbal until he was 6. But after 30 minutes of hearing the something over and over and over again can make one want to run away. Until my iPod broke, I used to keep one ear bud in with my music down low, that way I could "listen" to him while also "listening" to my iPod. It let him do his non stop talking but saved my sanity. Something that also helped would be turning the questions back at him. Him "why do you think...........?" Me "I don't know, why do you think........?" Or "do you think...........?" Sometimes it back fired as he would think about it, go off and learn a new piece of info and start the whole process again. -
Momma you are by no means a failure. I am the same way. Maybe even worse cause I do that with my NT dd. she likes to talk and I am constantly telling her its quiet time. My ds is pretty much nonverbal. Just now starting to say a few things. But I do remember when I was pregnant with ds any talking drove me crazy. I didn't like to be in any conversation. So maybe it's your pregnancy. Will ds let you extend the play with trains by adding other things into the play. My ds would only play with his bus and only the people who came with the bus were allowed on it. He even had specific seats for them. We started adding other people a bus stop and blocks into the play. It took a while but now he extends the play. Anyone can be in the bus. He walks the people around and has even made them dance. It's just an idea. Good luck momma
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Medical Assistance. Probably administered by your state's department of public welfare. It covers additional services, in particular behavioral, that our private health insurance doesn't.
Quoting Yogamom08:
I am not sure what MA is?Quoting BKozICan:I totally get it--the echolalia is maddening. Can you apply for MA for therapies?