I am currently reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and am ready for change.
My husband seems to care less.He has been buying what he wants when he wants it. In the past when we first started out and managed money well he felt like he went without while the kids and I didn't. When I needed something we discussed it and usually purchased it (shoes, clothes) and usually one Want that I had per year he would buy me around xmas or my birthday. When he needed something it wasn't even a discussion he just always said "we dont' have the money" even now....he neeeds to see the dentist but refuses. He will throw money out the window on tools, hunting stuff, etc but refuses to spend money on his health.
I'm not sure if we will ever get on the same page.
I tried asking him if he would sit down and figure out something that works for all of us and he kept saying "I'll just go without" with attitude in his voice. And I would say that we needed to find something that works for all of us and he would just keep saying he would go without and that we have never budgeted our money well without him going without so its not going to happen.He reminded me of a litle kid having a stubborn fit because he felt he can't buy every little trinket he wants.
How do you manage/budget your money in a fair way?
We are a family of four living on his $30,000/ yr income with a house payment, ATV payment (which we bought to make hubby happy since he HATES living in town, the only place in this area we could find a hosue we could afford), utility bills and a credit card bill that we used to pay every month that is almost maxed at $2,000 that we can't pay off every month now.
I was thinking maybe taking out X amt a week for each of us as allowance, we can choose to do what we want with that money. We would not be allowed to spend it on a need, only a want and if we want something that costs more we will just have to save that allowance each week.
Your income is similar to ours and we're a family of 4 as well. No ATV payment here though. I do the cash thing. I use mint.com to budget everything!! All the bills and such are paid with the debit card... credit cards are not allowed to be used at all! I pull out cash for eating out and our free spending money. I also pull out cash for the grocery store trip. I plan meals around what's on sale at Publix and I use coupons. If we want something it goes on the 30 day want list. I write down what I want and the date. In 30 days I'll re-evaluate that item and if it's still something I want and I have the money then I get it. If not, I don't. I also have a budget for consignment shopping each month. This is for clothing or crafting or anything like that! I also make a lot of things from scratch which saves us money. Good luck!
We've been in that situation for YEARS. What I finally did is took over the finances completely and give DH an "allowance" for gas and whatever else he wants, but he doesn't get access to anything else because if it's there, he spends it without thinking about future needs.
So, first thing I do with every paycheck is pay the bills, including some into envelopes for annual or semi annual expenses (car tags, property taxes, etc.), some into savings, and misc like prescriptions and upcoming dentist/dr. appts. I take out DH's allowance and he gets that in cash. After that, I make my groceries work within what is left.
There is a Dave Ramsey group here on cafe mom - it is not very active lately but they know what you're going through in regards to the book.
Sounds like you already have your bills listed out, I organize mine by paycheck/due date. And then I work my budget, important things first: mortgage, gas and electric, water, food, "fun". Each of us got some "fun" money. Ours was for a soda, lunch out with co-workers, etc., no questions asked.
I have to tell you - a ton of "other halves" hate Dave Ramsey. I've been trying to follow his practices for five or six years and I barely got my DH semi-onboard maybe a year ago. But, as DR admits, you have to work the plan to fit YOU.
I can tell you, it's a rough road, and it can be downright frustrating if your partner is just being a closed-minded, irrational baby (oh yes, that is MY DH!!!), BUT - it is amazing when you are no longer living paycheck to paycheck, have no debt, or can lose a job and LAUGH because you are financially prepared.
Good luck on your journey. I hope you find something that works for you.
by matreshkaJanuary 17, 2013 at 11:03 AM
I manage the budget here. My DH still does go buy frivolous stuff but not like he used too. We have open communication about how much our bills and necessities are and what I would like to see saved and what we want both for our future. I believe in having a little spending money each month to buy whatever, but not go overboard. For me it helps stay on track with long term spending/saving.
by my4boys2002January 17, 2013 at 11:16 AMI'm learning to budget now I'm a shopaholic, we make good money but I'm always broke as I spend it all. I'm going to look into Dave Ramsey. Has your hubby seen the budget laid our maybe it would help him see and understand there's a need for a budget.
by JenniferAmieJanuary 17, 2013 at 1:33 PM
I'm usually the one who crunches all the numbers and write out details budgets so we can see how much we should have left over each month and find out where we need to watch our spending/overspending. He looks at them but I think it just stresses him more because there are so many expenses. He pays the bills but last month he forgot two bills that got shuffled in his stack of papers so I put together a Bill Organizer for him, a chart where under each month he can write in the AMT paid for that bill when he pays it so we know it is paid and what we paid that month.
. I really think if we make a savings goal for ourselves and a better system of handeling our money we would do great. I just don't know how to get him on board!
I was trying to talk to him about $$ last night and he pulls up Cabelas online and starts browsing and showing me "I wants" lol! UGH!
I'm learning to budget now I'm a shopaholic, we make good money but I'm always broke as I spend it all. I'm going to look into Dave Ramsey. Has your hubby seen the budget laid our maybe it would help him see and understand there's a need for a budget.
by OBImommaJanuary 17, 2013 at 1:38 PMWe have a slightly higher budget and are a family of 5. I put 50$ in our savings account every paycheck. I just add it in like its a bill. Sadly dh lost his job for a few months last year and we had to use our savings. But I'm building it back up. My dh is like me. He doesn't like to spend money so it's not a big deal most tge time.
January 17, 2013 at 4:02 PMYou definitely need an allowance. My dh was a big spender so when I cut the budget he was much grumpier than usual. Once we started the allowance he had much fewer complaints.
January 17, 2013 at 8:26 PM
I took over the finances a while ago since DH was getting us overdraft fees when he was in charge. Now we NEVER get overdraft fees and DH gets an allowance for whatever he wants. He usually spends it on pizza and whiskey. He gets a little bit of freedom but he knows that once his money is gone that he's not getting anymore til next week. It works well for us.