Love & Marriage

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SweetNeveah
My husband of 19 years is done.
March 23 at 3:45 AM
My husband left me 21 days ago. Moved into his parents home because he said he needed time for himself and space. We have a 16 year old daughter and an 18 year old son. We have been married for 19 years. I have had cancer twice and survived both. Been through so much medication that made me depressed and sick through the years. I am better now and healthy, no more meds, work out, changed my work schedule, changed everything. My kids and I are sad and cry all the time because we just want our dad/husband to come home. I saw him today and he told me, that he loves our kids but not me. And he is done. He doesn’t want me anymore. And that we are over. I’m heartbroken and feel hurt and crushed. He says he has been pretending and dealing with this marriage for 9 years for the sake of our kids because they were young. And he does not blame me: that he blames himself. That he didn’t do it 9 years ago. I feel foolish, heartbroken, and lost the one man I thought loved me since I was 19. He says he will always have love for me because I am the mother of his children. And he only wishes the best for me and wants me to be happy. And hopes that I do find someone one day that will love me and give what he can’t give me. I’m so broken and don’t know how to feel. He says there is no one else. He just wants to be alone. He only works and goes home to his parents house and doesn’t go out with friends either because he doesn’t have or feel any emotion anymore for anyone. I just don’t understand and don’t know what to do. How do I move on from this? How do I stay strong? I feel like I’m going to wither away. I’ve lost so much weight from the stress and crying and not being able to eat because of the pain. Please help me with your words of wisdom, love, strength and understanding. I need a friend more than anything😢💔😢💔😢💔😢💔

Replies

  • lucky2Beeme
    March 23 at 6:46 AM

    Hugs ! I'm so sorry you are going through this. No one wants to be rejected by anyone never mind by someone you loved and have invested your life with. baby steps its all you can do. You have got to pull it together for your kids. Not eating is going to make you extremely sick. Eat Small meals 4/5 times daily.  Talk to the kids. Tell them you want to feel better and are trying but its hard. You don't want your kids to be sick with worry for you. If you need to talk to a professional do it. I have zero experience so maybe I'm not giving the best advice. Again I'm really sorry you are your children are going through this. Huge hugs and prayers.

  • kristin_ad
    March 23 at 11:01 AM

    Mobile Photo

    It’s impossible to describe the pain after a loss. I’m sorry you’re going through this.But just because your husband left doesn’t mean life is over.You have your kids and they will need you now more than ever.It’s ok to cry,not to eat,to feel stressed,heck,even to punch a wall,not recommending it but grief will do these to you.
    Give yourself time to heal but also it’s what you do while you’re healing that will make a difference. I’m sure you will rise above this struggle.Everything in life is temporary.Pain is temporary.All that pain becomes meaningless when you look back years from now.Because when all is said and done that person who gets more when it hurts gets more when it’s over. Hugs and prayers for you!
  • k.hallxo
    March 23 at 1:43 PM

    Awww I'm so sorry to hear this. :( I know it is heartbreaking but your Husband was honest with you about what he wants. It's better that he was honest instead of living a lie and/or cheating even thought it hurts like crazy. *hugs*

    Your heart is broken, but it will heal over time. Give yourself some mourning time and then you have to pick yourself up and learn how to live your life without him. Spend time with family and friends, exercise, keep busy with work, drink wine and eat ice cream :) ...do things that will brigthen your spirits and make you feel happy. Don't be afraid to see a therapist or counselor if you need to.

    Everything is going to be okay! <3

  • offrdngal
    March 23 at 2:59 PM

    Mobile Photo

  • SweetNeveah
    March 24 at 3:12 AM
    You made me cry, thank you. I needed to hear that. I really did. I’m trying each day. It’s just so hard.💗

    Quoting kristin_ad:

    Mobile Photo

    It’s impossible to describe the pain after a loss. I’m sorry you’re going through this.But just because your husband left doesn’t mean life is over.You have your kids and they will need you now more than ever.It’s ok to cry,not to eat,to feel stressed,heck,even to punch a wall,not recommending it but grief will do these to you.
    Give yourself time to heal but also it’s what you do while you’re healing that will make a difference. I’m sure you will rise above this struggle.Everything in life is temporary.Pain is temporary.All that pain becomes meaningless when you look back years from now.Because when all is said and done that person who gets more when it hurts gets more when it’s over. Hugs and prayers for you!
  • SweetNeveah
    March 24 at 3:19 AM
    My heart is broken. But he did live a lie for 9 years of pretending for the sake of our kids. And that just makes it hurt so much more. Because I look back and wonder what could I have done to have made it right? What did I do wrong? And I cry all over again 💔😢💔


    Quoting k.hallxo:

    Awww I'm so sorry to hear this. :( I know it is heartbreaking but your Husband was honest with you about what he wants. It's better that he was honest instead of living a lie and/or cheating even thought it hurts like crazy. *hugs*

    Your heart is broken, but it will heal over time. Give yourself some mourning time and then you have to pick yourself up and learn how to live your life without him. Spend time with family and friends, exercise, keep busy with work, drink wine and eat ice cream :) ...do things that will brigthen your spirits and make you feel happy. Don't be afraid to see a therapist or counselor if you need to.

    Everything is going to be okay! <3

  • SweetNeveah
    March 24 at 3:21 AM
    Thank you. My kids are my rock and are what keeps me going each day. 👩‍👧‍👦

    Quoting lucky2Beeme:

    Hugs ! I'm so sorry you are going through this. No one wants to be rejected by anyone never mind by someone you loved and have invested your life with. baby steps its all you can do. You have got to pull it together for your kids. Not eating is going to make you extremely sick. Eat Small meals 4/5 times daily.  Talk to the kids. Tell them you want to feel better and are trying but its hard. You don't want your kids to be sick with worry for you. If you need to talk to a professional do it. I have zero experience so maybe I'm not giving the best advice. Again I'm really sorry you are your children are going through this. Huge hugs and prayers.

  • Fayanne
    by Fayanne
    March 24 at 1:31 PM

    hugs.

    honestly, most men don't/won't leave unless they have or are entertaining a side piece.

    get yourself some counseling, and get your financials in order.  Rally your support, and hunker down. The way out is through. You'll survive and come out stronger.  But do your best to eat well and take care of yourself.. your kids need you to.

    The Divorced & Starting Over group is great.

    good luck.

  • motivation01
    March 24 at 1:49 PM
    I am tearing up for you right now, been through the same thing , Just embrace the pain and hurt, know that it's nothing that can cure it right now but time, so everyday pray and say to yourself I am gonna get past this, it's just like grieving there are steps you have to go through, hopefully you have friends and can get a therapist, that's what helped me talking about it and reminding my self that I can't die because of my kids,
    You are stronger than you think , you can make it even when it doesn't feel like you are. Also just tealize that you don't want to be with someone who don't want to be with you you still have a life you have your kids a job and things will be different but not necessarily worst so pick up yourself hold your head up and fight to stay strong I don't know you but from one woman to a Nother I love you !
  • Seychelles1409
    March 24 at 8:53 PM
    From what you say about your husband not having it feeling any emotion for anyone anymore, this doesn't sound like a problem he really had with you; it sounds more like a crisis within himself. Having no interest in anything sounds like there us some depression going on with him. Your cancer may have taken a great toll on him; l am not qualified to speculate, but l would suggest that you ask him to attend counseling with you. If he says he won't go because he is done with the marriage, tell him he owes it to you to go to help you work through your feelings so you can move on and worse come to worse maybe that's the truth. On the other hand, if the problem lies with your husband emotionally, it may very well be that your marriage can and should be saved. Good luck to you. Keep strong for your children and that will help you find strength for yourself.

    Quoting SweetNeveah: My husband left me 21 days ago. Moved into his parents home because he said he needed time for himself and space. We have a 16 year old daughter and an 18 year old son. We have been married for 19 years. I have had cancer twice and survived both. Been through so much medication that made me depressed and sick through the years. I am better now and healthy, no more meds, work out, changed my work schedule, changed everything. My kids and I are sad and cry all the time because we just want our dad/husband to come home. I saw him today and he told me, that he loves our kids but not me. And he is done. He doesn’t want me anymore. And that we are over. I’m heartbroken and feel hurt and crushed. He says he has been pretending and dealing with this marriage for 9 years for the sake of our kids because they were young. And he does not blame me: that he blames himself. That he didn’t do it 9 years ago. I feel foolish, heartbroken, and lost the one man I thought loved me since I was 19. He says he will always have love for me because I am the mother of his children. And he only wishes the best for me and wants me to be happy. And hopes that I do find someone one day that will love me and give what he can’t give me. I’m so broken and don’t know how to feel. He says there is no one else. He just wants to be alone. He only works and goes home to his parents house and doesn’t go out with friends either because he doesn’t have or feel any emotion anymore for anyone. I just don’t understand and don’t know what to do. How do I move on from this? How do I stay strong? I feel like I’m going to wither away. I’ve lost so much weight from the stress and crying and not being able to eat because of the pain. Please help me with your words of wisdom, love, strength and understanding. I need a friend more than anything😢💔😢💔😢💔😢💔

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