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IMaBABYsMaMa
What is wrong with my husband??
September 11 at 7:08 AM
My dh has always had a demanding job since before I met him. He's been with this company 19 years and we've been married almost 13. Not that this matters but I also work ft at the same job for over 29 years. He has long stressful days and we don't even see each other but the weekends due to the opposite schedules. He also has a problem with abusing his addarall rx . He is very grouchy and sometimes downright mean. He gets little sleep and has always kind of taken his stresses out on me. We went thru a difficult time for over a year of him accusing me of always staring at men and him basically implying I am going to cheat. The allegations are completely unfounded and chaulked it up to insecurity. He seemed to have finally over come those thoughts and things got better. We went on vacation 2 months ago it was glorious. The last 7 weeks he's changed. He snaps at me constantly and quit speaking to me blocking all texts and calls for 10 days over a calculator his son had to have for school. I finally just said if you no longer love me or there's someone else say so. Finally he just said he was tired of conflict. Hmmm , so for the next week things are really nice. I wake up not feeling well last week and he's considerate and kind . He had to run to his job to do a check on the premises since it was labor day and they were closed. He comes back in a terrible mood . I ask what's wrong, nothing. We to go to the mall he's tense I ask what's going on he tells me a story of work and he's disgusted. We leave to get a bite to eat and suddenly he says he doesnt want to go screaming at me. We get home and I ask does he love me and he says yes but he can't stand me. I said what is going on and he leaves . He's been here at the house but like I say our schedules overlap. We spoke briefly and he says he is miserable with his work and doesn't want to be with me. He said he never sees his kids and wants to transfer to an easier location out of state leaving all of us. He says he doesnt want to quit because he has 10 years to retire. His best friend st his work also suddenly retired. His uncle passed away 3 weeks ago from cancer and now yesterday his brother was in a serious car wreck in icu. I try to be caring but he's aggressive and loud and frankly I'm tired of it. What do I do? Is he severely depressed?

Replies

  • superbutt
    September 11 at 7:12 AM
    :( i'm sorry
  • LoisLane78
    September 11 at 10:17 AM

     Maybe he is depressed because life has overwhelmed him.  Men don't handle stress the way women do.  And then he takes out his frustrations on you just because it's convenient.  You're there so he vents on you.  He can't yell at his boss and coworkers cause he'll get fired, so you get the brunt of it.  I say this because you said he was like a different person while on vacation.  Do you think he would go to counseling with you?

  • IMaBABYsMaMa
    September 11 at 11:26 AM
    NO, we tried it years ago and the therapist really did suck but he bailed on it. We both started individual he went to 2 session never went back. I still go.

    Quoting LoisLane78:

     Maybe he is depressed because life has overwhelmed him.  Men don't handle stress the way women do.  And then he takes out his frustrations on you just because it's convenient.  You're there so he vents on you.  He can't yell at his boss and coworkers cause he'll get fired, so you get the brunt of it.  I say this because you said he was like a different person while on vacation.  Do you think he would go to counseling with you?

  • emarin77
    September 11 at 12:15 PM

    He needs to see his doctor.

  • Valentina327
    September 12 at 8:39 AM
    I don't see what the question is. He said he can't stand you. That's what you were trying to get from him if he wanted to be with you or not. He wants to leave thestate. Let him go then. That's not good for either of you to keep him trapped somewhere he obviously no longer wants to be.
  • IMaBABYsMaMa
    September 12 at 9:06 AM
    I trapped him? Not ever I've always told him when he got serious about moving about 2 years ago that due to his sporadic behavior I could not quit my job , move away for him to act like a nut job. He's always been free to go. Plus it's his son not ours hes saying he will leave him as well and my stepsons mother has been in jail for the last 7 years.

    Quoting Valentina327: I don't see what the question is. He said he can't stand you. That's what you were trying to get from him if he wanted to be with you or not. He wants to leave thestate. Let him go then. That's not good for either of you to keep him trapped somewhere he obviously no longer wants to be.
  • LoisLane78
    September 12 at 2:14 PM


    Quoting IMaBABYsMaMa: NO, we tried it years ago and the therapist really did suck but he bailed on it. We both started individual he went to 2 session never went back. I still go.
    Quoting LoisLane78:

     Maybe he is depressed because life has overwhelmed him.  Men don't handle stress the way women do.  And then he takes out his frustrations on you just because it's convenient.  You're there so he vents on you.  He can't yell at his boss and coworkers cause he'll get fired, so you get the brunt of it.  I say this because you said he was like a different person while on vacation.  Do you think he would go to counseling with you?

    If he won't go to counseling can you at least get him to see a dr. for meds.  When people are depressed they are looking at life through distorted eyes.  Everything is bad, wrong, etc.

  • IMaBABYsMaMa
    September 12 at 2:24 PM
    Maybe, right now I have cut off all contact with him. I passed him in the house this a.m. said good morning and he left for work. I've tried the whole I care for you, something terrible is going to happen, don't you hate feeling this way with no success. He is used to me fighting to save us cause that's what I've always done but I've got to step back and let him see his behavior is unacceptable and I'm not tolerating it.

    Quoting LoisLane78:

    Quoting IMaBABYsMaMa: NO, we tried it years ago and the therapist really did suck but he bailed on it. We both started individual he went to 2 session never went back. I still go.

    Quoting LoisLane78:

     Maybe he is depressed because life has overwhelmed him.  Men don't handle stress the way women do.  And then he takes out his frustrations on you just because it's convenient.  You're there so he vents on you.  He can't yell at his boss and coworkers cause he'll get fired, so you get the brunt of it.  I say this because you said he was like a different person while on vacation.  Do you think he would go to counseling with you?

    If he won't go to counseling can you at least get him to see a dr. for meds.  When people are depressed they are looking at life through distorted eyes.  Everything is bad, wrong, etc.

  • Fayanne
    by Fayanne
    September 12 at 6:04 PM

    depression, bipolar personality disorder... drug use?

    he should go to the doctor for a full workup and you both need counseling. Sounds like he's being emotionally abusive.

  • Fayanne
    by Fayanne
    September 12 at 6:06 PM


    Quoting IMaBABYsMaMa: He is used to me fighting to save us cause that's what I've always done but I've got to step back and let him see his behavior is unacceptable and I'm not tolerating it.

    I went through some similar emotional manipulation shit and finally divorced that crap.

    good luck.

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