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Should I give up on my marriage?
April 2, 2014 at 11:31 PM

Hello, I am very sad and probably borderline depressed.  Met my STBEH when I was 14 he was 16 we got married when I was 20, we was married 13 years and had 3 children.  We are now separated since July 13 and he does not want to work on our marriage he wants a divorce.  We have a lot of problems, but I love him and my family and think that we should try to save our marriage, I am exhausted because I can't do this by myself.  I'm thinking I should just give up!!


  • MixedCooke
    April 3, 2014 at 12:12 AM

    You have been separated since last year July and he doesnt want to work on your marriage?  i think you answered your own question on whether to give up.

  • LeKendria
    April 3, 2014 at 5:10 AM
    Although it's almost been a year does not mean that things cannot change for the better . Don't give up until its over. I would reach out to him and tell him how I feel and see where it goes. Also, if you have faith in Christ and are a prayer , prayed would not hurt your situation. Pray about it and leave it to God.
  • committed4ever
    April 3, 2014 at 7:58 AM
    I don't think you should give up. Let him know that you think your marriage can be saved and that you are willing to work on it. Leave it at that, do not beg or plead. Let the ball remain in his court and just take the time away to work on yourself and spend time with your kids. Of course it goes without saying that he will need to pay child support according to whatever the courts say is appropriate amount.
  • Marinemom03
    April 3, 2014 at 8:21 AM
    You said it..u can't do it yourself. He needs to want it too
    Good luck,I'm praying for you
  • earthangel1967
    April 3, 2014 at 9:09 AM

    im sorryhugs First of all, I am so sorry you are suffering and heartbroken. HUGGGSSS  I am sorry to say, but the thing is, I would NOT call this YOU giving  up on  your marriage, but no matter how much YOU want to work on things and no matter how much you are willing to do to do that.. and no matter how much you love him or want to stay married, , it takes TWO to stay married. You cant do it by yourself and if he has made it clear that he does NOT want to work on it and he does NOT want to be married, there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop him from filing for divorce and choosing not to be with you anymore.. that is not you "giving up on your marriage" it is just accepting the sad fact that it is over even if beyond your choice. 

    When I left and filed for divorce from ex husband, he was hysterical and even had to be hospitalized for being so depressed he was suicidal for THREE months straight!  He wanted to be married to me forever and ever and I did feel bad for him and hoped  he would heal and move on, but  the moment I told him I was filing for divorce, I handed him my ring and my mind was 1000% made up and I let him know that even though in  our state they would not finalize the divorce for a full year due to us having kids together... no matter what... I in my heart, mind, body and soul considered us divorced from that moment and that he could  be with other people from that day on if he wanted to and  I would whenever I wanted to from that point because  I did not consider us married anymore except on paper. There was nothing he could say or do in a million years to change my mind by that point. 

    I encourage you to focus your energy and  efforts and good intentions  on working on  healing YOUR OWN heart and empowering yourself to move forward without him now.. and  on helping your kids if they struggle with it at all . 

    Good luck sweetie. HUGGSSSS

  • Brattzilla
    April 3, 2014 at 9:11 AM

    Time to move on.  You cant hold a marriage together all on your own, he has been gone since July with no intentions of returning. You're wasting precious time of your life holding on to something that is already gone.  Let him go, Move on, and be happy. 

  • withsecond
    April 3, 2014 at 7:06 PM
    If he doesn't want to work on things, there isn't anything you can do other than to move on. It sucks but you can't make someone want to work on things if they don't want to.
  • 4kings1queen
    April 3, 2014 at 10:25 PM
    He gave up. What can you do? You can't make him want you or the marriage. I say pray about it. In the mean time if he continue to want a divorce orepare yourself for it. Please don't fall apart. Good luck.
  • SareyF
    by SareyF
    April 3, 2014 at 11:33 PM
    It takes two. You can't save your marriage alone.
  • lunarturn
    April 3, 2014 at 11:54 PM

    I am very sorry you have to go through this.

    Even if you still have energy to work things out, he doesn't. The fact that seperation lasted this long and he tells you that he doesn't want to come back means pretty much only one thing - he moved on. Of course there are many other factors such as the reason of seperation, pride, stubbornes etc. Have you two tried couple counseling? You can tell him he can get the divorce after you go through some counseling sessions with no results.

    I really hope that he will give it a chance. Breaking up a marriage with three children.... it's just wrong...

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