Hello, I am very sad and probably borderline depressed. Met my STBEH when I was 14 he was 16 we got married when I was 20, we was married 13 years and had 3 children. We are now separated since July 13 and he does not want to work on our marriage he wants a divorce. We have a lot of problems, but I love him and my family and think that we should try to save our marriage, I am exhausted because I can't do this by myself. I'm thinking I should just give up!!
Although it's almost been a year does not mean that things cannot change for the better . Don't give up until its over. I would reach out to him and tell him how I feel and see where it goes. Also, if you have faith in Christ and are a prayer , prayed would not hurt your situation. Pray about it and leave it to God.
I don't think you should give up. Let him know that you think your marriage can be saved and that you are willing to work on it. Leave it at that, do not beg or plead. Let the ball remain in his court and just take the time away to work on yourself and spend time with your kids. Of course it goes without saying that he will need to pay child support according to whatever the courts say is appropriate amount.
First of all, I am so sorry you are suffering and heartbroken. HUGGGSSS I am sorry to say, but the thing is, I would NOT call this YOU giving up on your marriage, but no matter how much YOU want to work on things and no matter how much you are willing to do to do that.. and no matter how much you love him or want to stay married, , it takes TWO to stay married. You cant do it by yourself and if he has made it clear that he does NOT want to work on it and he does NOT want to be married, there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop him from filing for divorce and choosing not to be with you anymore.. that is not you "giving up on your marriage" it is just accepting the sad fact that it is over even if beyond your choice.
When I left and filed for divorce from ex husband, he was hysterical and even had to be hospitalized for being so depressed he was suicidal for THREE months straight! He wanted to be married to me forever and ever and I did feel bad for him and hoped he would heal and move on, but the moment I told him I was filing for divorce, I handed him my ring and my mind was 1000% made up and I let him know that even though in our state they would not finalize the divorce for a full year due to us having kids together... no matter what... I in my heart, mind, body and soul considered us divorced from that moment and that he could be with other people from that day on if he wanted to and I would whenever I wanted to from that point because I did not consider us married anymore except on paper. There was nothing he could say or do in a million years to change my mind by that point.
I encourage you to focus your energy and efforts and good intentions on working on healing YOUR OWN heart and empowering yourself to move forward without him now.. and on helping your kids if they struggle with it at all .
Time to move on. You cant hold a marriage together all on your own, he has been gone since July with no intentions of returning. You're wasting precious time of your life holding on to something that is already gone. Let him go, Move on, and be happy.
He gave up. What can you do? You can't make him want you or the marriage. I say pray about it. In the mean time if he continue to want a divorce orepare yourself for it. Please don't fall apart. Good luck.
Even if you still have energy to work things out, he doesn't. The fact that seperation lasted this long and he tells you that he doesn't want to come back means pretty much only one thing - he moved on. Of course there are many other factors such as the reason of seperation, pride, stubbornes etc. Have you two tried couple counseling? You can tell him he can get the divorce after you go through some counseling sessions with no results.
I really hope that he will give it a chance. Breaking up a marriage with three children.... it's just wrong...