How do you keep your marriage healthy and in a positive space when you mate works away from home most of the week? I knew there was something going on, but i couldn't put my finger on it. On fathers day he asked for a divorce. He said he isn't happy with himself and he cant focus on us until he is happy with him. He said it would be selfish for him to ask me to wait for him. I am more than willing to fight for my marriage, but i cant fight alone. He said he doesnt want to do counseling, because he wont be into it. Early Early this morning I asked him was he sure this was what he wanted, i asked him did he want to try a separation to give him to to himself, he agreed. Apart of me feels like he agreed just for me, i will speak to him about it, i want him to do it because he wants to, not just for me. I Love my husband and would love for us to make it through it. I wont give up on us, if he wont. We have decided after a few break downs this morning, loads of tears from the both of us and then calmly talking we are going to take a step back and evaluate see what changes need to be made, while growing, and taking our relationship day by day. We are also going to meet with our pastor.
my husband is out of town for 8 days at a time. then he comes home for 6. its stressful and sometimes really hard (especially being pregnant and having a 2 year old) we just make sure to have at least one night while he's home that we find a sitter for dd and we spend time together. we have found that if we don't plan a date night we are crabby and unhappy. : ( taking the time out of our week to spend time alone is a HUGE help in keeping our relationship going. i also try to remember that he is working so hard so that i can stay home with our kids and i have more of an appreciation for him being gone. he is sacrificing time with us to support us. :)
Communication is the first thing and quality time when they are home. DH has had jobs that keep him away from home for the last 11 years for weeks at a time. It has been hard but our marriage is stronger than ever.
I have learned to always support him. He is not gone because he wants to be away from us, he is doing what he has to do to support his family. I have had to remember to not burden him with all of the problems at home, he can't fix them while he's gone and it just gives him added stress that he does not need.
We can't talk to him while he is at work. He really doesn't get breaks either. The kids and I are always doing things for him while he is gone. Making crafts for him, or baking him something for when he gets in. Lately when he is home, it is to sleep, eat, and do school work. We are lucky to have 30 minutes with him. (He works overnight) The kids and I rub his feet or back, wash his clothes, make his food. When he is home and available we tend to cocoon ourselves from the rest of the world. We watch movies, play games, chase the kids, dance etc... As far as personal time? I talk to him while he is in the shower. Right now it is really our only chance to communicate because any other time the kids are wanting to talk to him. If there is time I will join him in the shower ;)
We talk ALOT on the phone we had to really figure out what we needed to help make us work. Then we take some evenings to just veg with eachother and always have 1 famoly day when he is home. He is gone for 7 days and then home for 4 its hard but we are making it work