Love & Marriage

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DON'T Marry Him if His Parents Can't Stand You -- Trust Me, I Know
May 21, 2013 at 8:28 AM

DON'T Marry Him if His Parents Can't Stand You -- Trust Me, I Know

by The Stir Bloggers 

wedding bandsMaking the decision to kiss your single life goodbye and commit to one person for the rest of your life is pretty darn huge, to say the least. And while most of us go into marriage assuming there will be good times, bad times, and everything in between -- generally we figure we'll live happily ever after in one way or another.

But you know what puts a real damper on a seemingly good marriage? Shitty in-laws. Who have never done a damn thing for you and never will, and who have never bothered to do whatever it takes to make sure your relationship with them is healthy -- even if deep down inside they absolutely can't stand you. (People with half a conscience know how to fake it.)

And you know what the worst part of having horrible in-laws is? Odds are good you knew they were awful before you walked down the aisle and said, "I do."

But when you're in love (or think you're in love) and in the midst of planning a wedding and entering the next major chapter of your life, you tend to let things like your future in-laws treating you like garbage fall to the wayside. You figure the relationship will get better as soon as you're a part of their family.

That's exactly what I thought would happen to me -- but it didn't. Actually, from the moment I had a wedding band on my finger, things got progressively worse and worse over the years. And now it's to the point where sometimes I want to find a time machine and go back to my wedding day, kidnap myself, and ride off into the sunset alone to save me from a life of being related through marriage to people who obviously despise me and seem to go out of their way to remind me of that every chance they get.

That being said, I'd like to go ahead and issue a warning -- no, make that an ORDER -- to any future brides out there who are about to marry a man whose parents aren't kind, loving, accepting, insert any other warm and fuzzy adjective here.

DON'T MARRY HIM. I repeat -- DON'T MARRY HIM. 

If you do, you'll wind up regretting it someday. (Well, maybe not all of it if said marriage produces offspring -- but most of it.)

I don't care if you think he's "the one." I don't care how far along you are in the wedding planning process or how much money you've already spent. And I don't care if all your friends are getting married and you feel like you're the only one left and can't bear the thought of turning 30 and still being single.

DON'T MARRY HIM.

Trust me, several years later, when you're at a point where your marriage is teetering on the brink of failure, partly due to the issues his family has caused -- you'll wish you listened to me instead of making what will inevitably turn out to be the most disappointing choice of your life.

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, make you miserable, or ruin your hopes and dreams with a few ranty paragraphs. I'm trying to SAVE you so you don't wind up frustrated, sad, confused, and unsure what direction you want the course of your life to take -- like me.

RUN. (Now.)

Have you thought about calling off your engagement because of your future in-laws? (What are you waiting for?)

Replies

  • thatgirl70
    May 22, 2013 at 2:03 AM

    I had to fight for acceptance from my MIL. I wasn't the kind of woman she dreamed of having for her son, but eventually she realized that she had no choice, because he wasn't going to give her one. It goes the same way with our special needs son, sometimes she gives him a hard time and DH let's her know pretty quick he's not going to stand for it. She and I get along pretty well now, though we have our moments every now and then.

  • Mom2Kyle03
    May 22, 2013 at 4:37 PM
    That's awesome! My in laws are really rude to me and my husband JUST started standing up for me and it seems to cause more problems. Hopefully one day they won;t be a part of our lives anymore either because I love my husband and we have an otherwise wonderful marriage
    Quoting myownparadise:

    My husband's family doesn't like me. Our marriage is awesome! He doesn't give them opportunity to be in our lives anymore because of the drama they used to create.

  • madwifa
    by madwifa
    May 22, 2013 at 4:43 PM
    i super agree wih this. i tell ppl all the time if they dont like you dont do it.
    i wish 2 times i had met them first and no would i have married. nope dont marry if the in laws dont like you. UNLESS YOU KNOW YOUR MAN WILL STAND UP FOR YOU..
  • Bauxite-17
    May 22, 2013 at 4:45 PM

    I married my husband because of my in laws. I grew up in a broken home, and his family is very tight knit, and sure they fight, but they stay by each others side through thick and thin, and his mother is an amazing woman. I just got back from hanging out with her, lol. I would not have married my husband, if his family didn't like me. Hes a great man, and if his parents didn't like me, he would be worth putting up with people that didn't like me...but, I wanted a family, I wanted to be connected to his family...so if they didn't like me, there would be no point to being with him.

  • raschwittay
    May 22, 2013 at 5:22 PM
    My sister tainted my name to my dh's family before and during our relationship. My mil actually told my husband to not marry me. Lol. He didn't listen. I eventually proved them all wrong. His family likes me now. But it was hard in the beginning.
  • la_bella_vita
    May 22, 2013 at 10:44 PM
    My inlaws love me
  • MomToovey
    May 23, 2013 at 9:58 PM

     Thankfully, this isn't a bridge I have to cross. My ILs think of me as the daughter they never had and they really are a second set of parents to me. It's a very blessed situation how well our families get along with each other.

  • bmw29
    by bmw29
    May 23, 2013 at 10:05 PM
    I picked dh not only because I loved him but because I loved his family too. I could never spend my life with someone if I didn't love the people that came with that person. I wouldn't even be ok with never seeing them because they are his family too and if he is willing to walk out on them then how could I ever be sure he wouldn't walk out on me?
  • AJ-47
    by AJ-47
    May 23, 2013 at 10:12 PM
    I didn't meet Mom and Dad (hubs' parents) until shortly after our fourth wedding anniversary. lol.

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