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Ruffnekwife87
So he showed up with paper work… need advice!!! ****UPDATE****
March 27, 2013 at 10:35 AM
After all that has happened in the last couple months (getting pregnant, moving across state to be with DH, finding out he was having an affair 2 days after I got here) he shows up this morning at 5am. He said we needed to talk so I let him in. He went straight to my room and sat on the bed. With me not feeling good (being pregnant) I laid down and listened to him…

He proved to me that he is not with the other girl anymore and has not seen her in over a week
and finally called it off with her 4 days ago. Then he handed me papers for marriage counseling he already signed us up for it and he has already seen the counselor for himself. He apologized for everything admitted all of his wrong doings to me and asked me for a second chance.

Should I do it? This is the first time DH and I have ever been through something like this. We have a lot of ups and downs in our relationship but never this. I just don't know if I can trust him to change or not. I'm so confused

Thank you all for your advice… this is a struggle for me because I do love him with all my heart. I'm going to take it slow and keep my main focuse on my children and my health. If things with DH and I go somewhere then so be if not then so be it. I guess now all I can do is sit and wait to see if he changes.

Replies

  • goddiddlyumshis
    March 27, 2013 at 10:36 AM
    we cant answer that for you. if you want your marriage to work, and want to fix it... do it.
    if you think you wont be able to trust him, dont.

    he could be playing you, he could be telling the truth.
    be careful
  • barrelracer1699
    March 27, 2013 at 10:37 AM

    If you want to save the marriage why not? If it was me, and he proved it, I would go for the couseling. He apparently wants it to happen since he set everything up!

  • lucky2Beeme
    March 27, 2013 at 10:37 AM

      Only you can decide that. if you choose to go slow momma. He has to understand that it will take time and his actions for you to trust and forgive him.

  • lanceandhailey
    March 27, 2013 at 10:37 AM

     I would never be able to trust him again.

  • furbabymum
    March 27, 2013 at 10:41 AM

     That's totally up to you. I'd be getting a hell of a lot more active if I were you though. I'd go to counseling with a list of greivances and demands. I'd lay it ALL out for him. I'd want him to know that in no way will I ever EVER tolerate this behavior again. My DH would know that he's going to be forgiven this once and if he ever does it again I'll cut him off at the kneecaps. Then I'd have the demands and he'd better meet them all or I wasn't sticking around. He's got to konw you aren't some doormat he can keep wiping his feet on. He's got to know that you are strong and you don't need him.

    So on that note go to individual counseling will ya.

  • Ruffnekwife87
    March 27, 2013 at 10:43 AM
    That's my worry is that I will never trust him again. In a way I want it to work but I'm scared


    Quoting lanceandhailey:

     I would never be able to trust him again.


  • BlessedMammaof2
    March 27, 2013 at 10:44 AM
    That my dear would be up to you. There's no harm in giving it a shot and seeing how things go. Personally it would take a lot for me to trust him again but I would at very least try. There's nothing wrong with choosing to move on either. Best wishes.
  • chaslee
    by chaslee
    March 27, 2013 at 10:47 AM

    You have to follow your heart and your gut and do what feels right for you.

  • Ruffnekwife87
    March 27, 2013 at 10:50 AM
    When all this first started he asked me what it would take to save this and told him counseling for him and us but his exact words were "fuck that I don't need that shit" that's why I was surprised when he showed up with the papers that he already signed us up. I have a list of things that he needs to do or this won't work but I'm just not sure I want to do this. He's already trying to prove to me he wants to work this out but I'm not sure I want to try anymore the pain and hurt he caused not just to me but my 8 year old son is not ok


    Quoting furbabymum:

     That's totally up to you. I'd be getting a hell of a lot more active if I were you though. I'd go to counseling with a list of greivances and demands. I'd lay it ALL out for him. I'd want him to know that in no way will I ever EVER tolerate this behavior again. My DH would know that he's going to be forgiven this once and if he ever does it again I'll cut him off at the kneecaps. Then I'd have the demands and he'd better meet them all or I wasn't sticking around. He's got to konw you aren't some doormat he can keep wiping his feet on. He's got to know that you are strong and you don't need him.


    So on that note go to individual counseling will ya.


  • Luv.My.Kidz
    March 27, 2013 at 10:51 AM

    He's trying... it's hard to get over a cheating spouse... but it looks like he's trying to resolve everything with you! I would do it because he's showing effort!

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