Love & Marriage

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cmarie82
DH sleeps in separate room
March 26, 2013 at 9:13 PM
Hello! Looking for some advice, I recently had a baby almost a month ago. This is my second child. My DH didn't seem as interested in this pregnancy as my first although it was planned. We had a boy (our first is a girl). Recently my DH started sleeping on the couch which was odd. He said I was snoring ( I currently have a cold so I may have been) I should also mention our 2 yr old sleeps in the same bed as us. He has stated he likes that she sleeps in the same bed he adores her! He is a firefighter and works on several departments so he isn't home every night either. I promised I would not let our son sleep in the bed since it is a safety issue with our 2 yr old already in bed,so we have a co sleeper that is close by the bed. He has for over a week now chosen the couch over sleeping in bed with us. It really bothers me and it makes me feel even more distanced than I did before. It's already difficult connecting with him because he's not home most nights but he has slowly taken steps that makes us feel less like a married couple and more like roomates. For instance about a year after we got married he started doing his own laundry at work and he carries 2 mesh laundry bags between home and the fire station, 1 for clean clothes and 1 for dirty. He rarely uses his dresser other than for clothes he doesn't wear everyday. In turn i do laundry for me and the kids and he doesn't help in this area at all. He will cook when he's home and I mostly take care of the kids. I know I'm rambling I'm just trying to give as much detail as I can. Should I just prepare for the inevitable? We have only been married for 4 years but every year it seems we grow further apart. In the beginning of our marriage we fought a lot. We don't so much anymore so it's not like we are fighting right now. He also just mentioned today he was going to start sleeping in our daughters twin bed since she obviously doesn't use it. I didn't comment because I'm not sure why he left in the first place other than his excuse he gave me that I was snoring. It's pretty obvious this move to other sleeping arrangements is permanent. Any advice ladies?? Thanks in advance.

Replies

  • thatislife
    March 28, 2013 at 4:59 PM

    Have a heart to heart and get the kid out of your bed NOW! 

  • LicParaMommy
    March 28, 2013 at 6:31 PM

    Being a paramedic I understand where your husband is coming from  Sometimes you need to remember this job isn't easy.  Sometimes you are up for 24 hours at a time.  Sometimes you do not run any calls at all and you kill the time by doing laundry and such.  That is exactly what my husband and I do.  When he gets off and actually gets to try to sleep uninterrupted that is exactly what he wants to do.  Sleeping in bed with a bunch of kids isn't going to get the sleep he needs.  Remember, for every 24 hours on, you need 24 hours to recuperate.  Unfortunately, this is what you get when you marry firemen/paramedics. 

  • sunflower37
    March 28, 2013 at 11:23 PM

    I AGREE.. 


    Quoting Zazayam:

    I would talk to him, and offer to start moving the kids to their own room if that's the issue. Maybe you two just need a little YOU space?


     

  • cmarie82
    March 28, 2013 at 11:39 PM
    Ok ladies just wanted to give you all an update. We were able to go to counseling today we talked alot about why he has been doing some of the things that bother me... He said he does his laundry at work because #1 he said he is trying to lessen the laundry for me #2 he deals with blood, vomit etc on calls and doesn't want to mix that in with our family laundry. He said he is sleeping on the couch to try to give me more room in the bed with our daughter and so I can Breastfeed at night. Not sure whether or not to buy them all but...... I put our
    daughter in her own bed tonight I know it's not going to be easy but I let her fall asleep with me next to her and after she fell asleep I left. I have relaxing piano music playing so hopefully this will be the start of something good! I know it's not going to be easy and once my husband returns to work I'm afraid my anxieties of not having her close by are going to creep up but I am determined to control them! Counseling overall went well. I don't believe that he is seeing someone else. He has been home all month and here pretty much every second aside from grocery store trips. I don't feel that way. I just felt more that we were growing apart. We are going to continue counseling but its hard because I feel like the majority of the changing is on me (getting our daughter out of our bed). I'm gonna give it a go and see what happens! Now, just some pointers on successfully transitioning her to her bed?maybe that's a different thread :) thanks again to all!!!

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