Love & Marriage

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JaidensMommy2
If i forgive him we need to change a lot and I need your help.
February 27, 2013 at 1:35 AM

Ever since me and my husband had our first born and I got PPD things really havent been the same. We both did some hurtful things and that period and understand what pushed us to do so even though it dont make it better it brought us to an understanding. We are trying to make it work but I dont know what to do in order to help bring the spark back. Please help me before I lose my marriage. Though this is not the only thing wrong we see it causing a lot of our problems

Replies

  • rayroe2
    by rayroe2
    February 27, 2013 at 1:44 AM

     so the sex is lacking? That is okay have y'all went and got tested? Your going to have mental battles. How long ago did this happen, that you just found out? Do you want to have sex with him? or do not have that at the moment but still want to anyways or what?

  • JaidensMommy2
    February 27, 2013 at 1:59 AM

    Its more than just our sex lacking even the way we use to feel about each other isnt really there anymore. We did get tested and it happened last may and I found out in december but I wasnt told the truth about who it was with until this week. He claims he didnt want me to go afyrt her while i was pregnant is whu he didnt tell me with who but I am not that crazy i wouldnt put my children in danger

  • rayroe2
    by rayroe2
    February 27, 2013 at 2:18 AM

     Right that wouldn't be right to do pregnant. I think that will take time. Just talk it out with him, if he doesn't want to listen then how much has he changed? 

    Quoting JaidensMommy2:

    Its more than just our sex lacking even the way we use to feel about each other isnt really there anymore. We did get tested and it happened last may and I found out in december but I wasnt told the truth about who it was with until this week. He claims he didnt want me to go afyrt her while i was pregnant is whu he didnt tell me with who but I am not that crazy i wouldnt put my children in danger

     

  • MixedCooke
    February 27, 2013 at 2:27 AM

    1) understand your responsiblities when it comes to caring for the child if he is resistant in helping out

    2) figure out your love language since you can "speak" a different one such as for me words mean nothing and its your actions that speaks volumes but for my husband, its the words that mean more than the actions.

    3) If you understand the past issues, you have to let them go rather than let them stay in the back of your mind remembering how much he hurt you

    4) St Johns Wort helps with mild depression and anxiety if you arent on something prescribed, because it is natural there are hardly any side effects compared to typical prescribed anti-depressants.

    5) maybe counseling to at least get past the previous issues

    6) schedule some date nights to re-connect as a couple and not just as parents.

    *They never tell you about how much a child can actually put a wedge between you in some cases.

  • Covertmomma
    February 27, 2013 at 2:42 AM

    wow!! this is SO similar to my husband and I. Except we werent married yet when we both went through this. we just changed everything up. BIG TIME. we eliminated all negative forces in our life. we even have had counselling. bc he has a HUGE anger issue. (bi-polar disorder) we have worked through that as well.... we had some time apart and that is (i think) what helped us rekindle our relationship. we never stopped loving eachother...we were just both hurt. you need to communicate communicate COMMUNICATE! I cant stress that enough! we talk about everything.. and i mean everything!. if he isnt willing to listen, then he needs to take a chill pill and seriously listen. this is critical. also... what helped us.. we kinda "started over"... going on dates, not talking about what hurt us the most bc it was like pouring salt into a wound. save that for when you guys are less hurt down the road. just try not to think about the past. move forward as a team who are also lovers. this will build your marriage stronger. ours is great! I wish you the best of luck! i hope this helped a little. <3

  • Lindalou907
    February 27, 2013 at 5:25 AM

    Get a sitter and go on dates, decide to be positive about what you love about him,tell him when he pleases you! Figure out what he needs and give it to him.

  • 2lilmamas
    February 27, 2013 at 8:53 AM
    Quoting MixedCooke:

    1) understand your responsiblities when it comes to caring for the child if he is resistant in helping out


    2) figure out your love language since you can "speak" a different one such as for me words mean nothing and its your actions that speaks volumes but for my husband, its the words that mean more than the actions.


    3) If you understand the past issues, you have to let them go rather than let them stay in the back of your mind remembering how much he hurt you


    4) St Johns Wort helps with mild depression and anxiety if you arent on something prescribed, because it is natural there are hardly any side effects compared to typical prescribed anti-depressants.


    5) maybe counseling to at least get past the previous issues


    6) schedule some date nights to re-connect as a couple and not just as parents.


    *They never tell you about how much a child can actually put a wedge between you in some cases.


  • furbabymum
    February 27, 2013 at 10:38 AM

     Well a counselor would help you both a lot more than we could. Go find a great one!!!

    Also, just accept that marriage is a path that sometimes has bumps in it. Just don't give up on your marriage because you aren't "feeling" it.

  • gmadiane
    February 27, 2013 at 3:18 PM

    I am sorry for what you have gone through and what your going through still but do know that even the best relationships go through times where the passion is lacking a bit, it may help to take the focus off the bedroom and enjoy each others company doing other things, do the activities you enjoyed doing before together, I believe if you both want it bad enough it will all fall back in to place for you, good luck

  • MomToovey
    February 28, 2013 at 8:09 AM

     Are you still suffering from PPD? I couldn't tell from your post. If you are, there is help. Talk to your OB and together you can find a solution that will work for you.

    The two of you need to sit down and have a very serious talk. Find out what he expects of you, let him know what you expect of him, work together to achieve these goals. Counseling may be in order, but counseling can only work if both of you are 100% committed to making it work.

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