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HELP My husband sent flowers to another woman on Vday
February 26, 2013 at 5:58 AM

So a few days ago I discovered that my husband used our credit card to purchase $70 flowers for another woman that he works with. He had them sent to her on valentines day with a message that read "Here is a little gift from a jerk :)". Once he came home, I confronted him. He goes on to tell me how they are just work friends and that him and some other guys from work were making fun of her because her bf does not ever get her flowers. So, she called him a jerk and he felt bad about making fun of her. He then stated that the flowers were an apology. Later on in the conversation I asked him if he has been texting her outside of work. I told him that I have the phone records and I will know if he is being truthful or not. He then tells me that yes he text her outside of work on an average of about 200-300 text each day. He then thoughT it was a good idea to let me read some of the text messages as a way of showing me that there was nothing going on. I felt like the conversation was extremely personal in nature. She was talking to him about her miscarriage and her family. I was very hurt by that. Now eight months ago I was pregnant with our 2nd child and he told me that he did not love me like he felt he should love his wife. He talked about how he wanted a fairytale romance. About a week later I found out that he met some woman through his online game and they were having late nite phone conversations for hours while I was asleep, at work, or while he was alone. He felt so connected to this woman that he had never met that he was actually willing to put on hold fixing our relationship so that he could see what was there with the other. However, in the end we decided that we were going to go to counseling and work on our marriage. He cut off all communication with her. Because of everything that has gone on I severly mistrust him. He, however, sees nothing wrong with his behavior. He tells me that he has not lied to me and they are friends. The fact remains that I had no idea until a few days ago how often he was texting her, and he never came to talk to me about getting a woman that I do not know flowers. WHAT DO YOU THINK AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF IT WAS YOU? THANKS FOR YOUR FEEDBACK


  • justpeachy71904
    February 26, 2013 at 6:03 AM
    wow I am so sorry.

    You need to do the counseling. You need to let him k ow his behavior is OUT of line. That is 100% an emotional affair. Period.

    H does not need to be speaking to any female that much. That's ridiculous.
  • Chasesmum3109
    February 26, 2013 at 6:03 AM
    Leave before he leaves me. Sorry mama, hugs!!!
  • LilliesValley
    February 26, 2013 at 6:08 AM
    I'd be gone. He's cheating even if there is no proof of something physical. He's in a relationship with each woman and he's been honest somewhat in that he wants romance. His actions and him saying and thinking that he has done nothing wrong is the most troubling. If he can't see how hurt you are and that what he did was wrong I don't think any amount of therapists will help. So I'd be gone, kick him out, etc. Jmot.
  • NDADanceMom
    February 26, 2013 at 6:14 AM
    $70 apology? He could have sent her a $20 pot of tulips if it was an apology. If it was multiple men they could have kicked in and been on the card.
  • 2lilmamas
    February 26, 2013 at 6:34 AM
    A $70 arrangement for an apology sounds like a lot of bs to me. He is somehow leading some type of relationship with this woman. 200 to 300 textes a day... What seriosuly he making excuses and I already see the pattern. He finds no wrong in this. Cant say if he has slept with her or not but he definitely has an emotional relationship with her that lead to more....
  • AnGLInterrupted
    February 26, 2013 at 8:36 AM

    That was out of line for him to be giving her $70 flowers.  Now if he went to the grocery store and got her a cheap bouquet..  maybe?  But not $70 flowers.

    And the texting??  I would disable texting on your account for awhile.  That's just disprespectful!!

  • SARAH576
    February 26, 2013 at 8:41 AM

    I would talk to a therpist and see what she thinks. Also have you tried talking to her and see what she says without him knowing that you are going to talk to her. Maybe you will find out the truth,and the same time  I would tell her how she would like it if you did that to her if she was married. I had a husband that was seeing a woman for 2 years and I didnt know it,But I figure what comes around goes around. I pray alot and go to church that really helps, Also what does your intuition tells you?

  • chaslee
    by chaslee
    February 26, 2013 at 8:41 AM

    I was okay with the flowers as an apology... Valentines Day... that seemed a bit odd, but okay.  The 200 to 300 texts a day, that I might have a problem with, when is he getting any work done?

  • MayMommy07
    February 26, 2013 at 8:45 AM
    I hope you got $70+dollars worth of flowers?! That does seem just doesn't seem right..
  • shoot4thestars
    February 26, 2013 at 8:49 AM

    To buy something for $70, especially flowers, and not telling you about it, is not an apology to her.  It is an intimate gift from him to her.  Maybe $5 or $10 for an apology and telling you about it, to me sounds more like an apology.  I don't think I would be putting up with that!!

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